Stay at Home Moms
ASullivan1231
member
DH has a co-worker who has become a good friend. She is 30, cute and single. DH has had several female friends over the years, and it's never bothered me. The other female friends and I have always become friendly and I was never jealous of their relationship with DH.
UPDATE - WDYT re:DH
ASullivan1231
member
Hi - I haven't posted much lately, but I've been reading here and there. I have an issue that I'd rather not discuss right now with people IRL. I'd love to know your thoughts.
Something is different to me about this new girl. She and DH are in a running club together after work. They seem to talk very often throughout the day and they text each other at night. Nothing is secretive; DH leaves his phone out and seems to tell me whatever he and this co-worker talk about. A few months ago I brought up my concerns to DH and he looked so surprised I even felt that way. He told me he thinks of her the same as any of the other female friends.
I guess the big difference for me is I don't know this girl. We invited her over once to hang out and she declined (she had to get her car fixed). She came over to our house with the rest of DH's team and didn't say hello to me (I tried to make eye contact, I'm sure I could have done more, but I found her stand off-ish, DH said she is "shy")
I don't think they are having an affair. I'm just very uncomfortable with DH being tight with a woman I don't know. I brought it up again on Sunday because it's been bothering me. He again assured me there is nothing for me to worry about. I believe him, but bringing up my concerns hasn't changed the relationship. He continues to bring her up almost daily in our conversations and they still text at night. Last night they went with a group to a boot camp class.
What do you think? Am I overreacting? Is there anything I can do? Tell me the honest truth, I need to hear it.
UPDATE:
I spoke with DH last night about my concerns. I guess I wasn't clear or he is dense (he's dense), but he didn't realize how uncomfortable I felt with the friendship. I told him I trust him, but I don't trust her. I don't know her at all, and the times I have seen her she hasn't been friendly. He agreed she comes off as bitchy. I told him I don't believe it's been physical, but I think the relationship is inappropriate. He was shocked when I even mentioned physical. He was open, he listened and understood how I was feeling and emphasized that he sees her as nothing more than a friend.
Next week DH and I are going to the boot camp class together, so if she's there, I'll have to a chance to see what's up. I also said I'd be willing to get to know her more. We're going to try to make some plans. He really feels that if I get to know her, we will be friends too. Do I think he's naive? Yes. I also know he's never steered me wrong in the past, so I'm willing to meet up and check this hussy out 
. (I'm kidding about hussy, I was actually feeling bad last night about the name calling)
. (I'm kidding about hussy, I was actually feeling bad last night about the name calling)Even so, I asked that he stop texting, and just say he's been busy if she asks about it. He agreed. We actually both agreed to put down our phones more at night and talk to each other, do more together. For now, they will only meet up in the running club. I had already set the "rule" that it has to be a group thing, not just the two of them. He had already agreed with that.
I'm not that excited to meet her, but I'm willing to try it. If I think she's the worst after I hang out with her, I'll let DH know. Hopefully, she'll turn out to be cool, like DH says.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all the advice yesterday! It was a HUGE help.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: UPDATE - WDYT re:DH
My DH is completely oblivious to when a woman is flirting with/interested in him. He'll tell me about a woman at the store asking him for advice on what kind of steaks to buy or a woman at work (he's a truck driver) talking to him about his route, does he like his job, etc. Nine times out of ten, I know they were chatting him up because they were interested. He's all "what? No! It wasn't like that". I trust him, I just think he's dense as hell.
I'll be honest: I think this girl is interested in your DH. If I was single, I would find it inappropriate to be friends with a married man in that sense (hanging out, texting at night) without meeting and being friends with his wife. Maybe your DH doesn't realize she's interested because he's not? Either way, I'd tell him you want to hang out with her, too. I'd also voice your concerns to him again. If his friendship with her is that important, he'll want to include you, too.
“When the first baby laughed for the first time, its laugh broke into a thousand pieces, and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies.”
- J.M. Barrie Peter Pan
married on the sweetest day 10.20.12
Chicken - 07.08.06 | Bubsy - 02.24.09 | Sunshine - 07.16.14
And the face that she was in your home and didn't make eye contact. She's an adult. Shy or not. She clearly has no manners.
Check out my blog ----> http://minismama.com/
I would just make it very clear that you are super uncomfortable and ask how he would feel if the role was reversed-- if you had a male friend that you texted a lot, worked with, and worked out with-- I mean it sounds like he spends more time with her that you and your LO.
Something is fishy. Whether her intentions or him not telling you everything.
Definitely, she has to know it's his choice, not his wife telling him to end their friendship. She'd probably love it if she thought she made someone's wife jealous. That would drive me nuts!
As long as both people in the marriage are being open, honest, and making sure that said relationship doesn't move past friendship then does it really matter?