Gonna be a single mom...

burberrynut · September 2014

hey ladies. Looking for some support. My live in boyfriend of two years just told me he didn't love me anymore and decided he wanted to move out. I am 6 months pregnant and just don't know how to digest all this. Looking for some advice on what to expect in regards of his rights to baby in hospital and such.

aerotigergirl · September 2014

I don't have any advice, but I wanted to say I'm very sorry you're going through this. Breakups are so hard, even when they're the right decision, and it sucks that you're going through that during the midst of a pregnancy too. There are some single mamas here who can probably offer you a lot of help.

sfgiantsgamerbabe · September 2014

I don't have any advice but I am so sorry for you situation. >:D<

burberrynut · September 2014

Thank u so much. It's just unreal

banana2020 · September 2014

((((((Hugs)))))))

Lola918 · September 2014

I'm very sorry, it's am incredibly difficult situation. I'll echo others, lawyer up asap!

UberBiz · September 2014

You can't file for anything until after the baby is born, so for right now, focus on yourself. Also, just because he doesn't love you, doesn't mean he'll be a crappy father and not want to be there for the child. Since we don't know any other background information about the guy, you will probably want to figure that out.

The baby does not have to have his last name, he doesn't even have to be listed on the birth certificate, but if you do end up filing for custody/child support, paternity does have to be established. If he puts himself on the birth certificate, you won't have to do anything else to establish paternity.

I became a single mom about a year after my daughter was born, and it was very rough for a long time between us, but my daughter is the only one of his children that he gets regular visitation with; just because 'we' didn't work out, never meant that he wouldn't be there for her.

But like I said, do you for now, figure things out, and then worry about the baby. Unless he is angry, belligerent, or abusive, I don't see any reason to stress out over legal issues right off the bat.

mrs824 · September 2014

From experience... I know what you're going through is hard and there will be worse days to come, but better now than when the baby is here or when your baby is old enough to know what's going on. I had 2 beautiful children with my boyfriend of 5 years. I left him for good when my littlest was about 7 months and my oldest was 3 years. It was hard leaving the "family setting" even though what we had was far from "family". If I was smart I would've left him long before I decided to have children with him. Lessons learned...

Like others have said I would definitely look into your state laws and contact an attorney. I know it's expensive but it is necessary and SO worth it. You have to be strong for yourself and for your child. It is so common today for kids to be raised by a single parent. Get yourself a strong support system
(Family and close friends)...

Above all... Please know that there are good men out there. There are men who will love you and your child and treat you like a woman should be treated and make you regret every second spent with someone unworthy of your time.

Good luck on your journey. We are here for you!

Beauxbaton · September 2014

ExcitedMama2 said:

UberBiz said:

You can't file for anything until after the baby is born, so for right now, focus on yourself. Also, just because he doesn't love you, doesn't mean he'll be a crappy father and not want to be there for the child. Since we don't know any other background information about the guy, you will probably want to figure that out.

The baby does not have to have his last name, he doesn't even have to be listed on the birth certificate, but if you do end up filing for custody/child support, paternity does have to be established. If he puts himself on the birth certificate, you won't have to do anything else to establish paternity.

I became a single mom about a year after my daughter was born, and it was very rough for a long time between us, but my daughter is the only one of his children that he gets regular visitation with; just because 'we' didn't work out, never meant that he wouldn't be there for her.

But like I said, do you for now, figure things out, and then worry about the baby. Unless he is angry, belligerent, or abusive, I don't see any reason to stress out over legal issues right off the bat.

This is actually dependent on the state she lives in...some states do allow you to sign away rights before birth.
-------------
And in some states a father can't sign away rights unless there is another person to take over those rights. My friend couldn't have her baby's father sign his rights away unless there was someone else to take over responsibility. But that was 5 years ago, so maybe that's changed

OP I I don't have much advice besides finding a good support system. Whether its family, friends, this group, or where ever else, having a good support system makes parenting in general a lot easier. *hugs* sorry about your situation.

jennielynn+ · September 2014

I am so sorry you have to go through this. You definitely need to speak with a Family Law Attorney to verify parental rights in your state. Sooner is better in this scenario. This way you will have your plan in place if/when the father decides he wants or does not want to be involved. You have to make sure you and baby are protected 1st. He will be able to waive his rights in most states and this is something you will want in writing even if you know he will be absent from day 1.It is important to know his wishes as he has a few years to sue for custody if he should change his mind one day. Other posters are correct that you can find attorney's for lower rates through your local gov't office or by reaching out to charities that focus on helping single moms. Some attorney's even volunteer their expertise for the tax deduction. Good luck and keep posting if you have more struggles with this. I read some responses. These ladies all are a great resource emotionally too!

mrs824 · September 2014

I should've added that it's been two years since I left their dad... They go to his house every other weekend and he does pay child support. We are cordial and get along (for the most part) for our kids. Do you know what he wants? Does he want to be part of the babies life?? You need to get those things figured out with him before you do anything legal.

mandikins27 · September 2014

burberrynut I am so sorry for his timing and the extra stress this is causing you and the baby. Has he said what his intentions in regards to the baby are? are there any concerns as far as he and the baby go? im unsure of where you are located and I cant really be of assistance in terms of American/state laws but I do have a ton of knowledge on Ontario Canada birth rights in addition I just have been there and done that and am always available should u want to talk . Also I'd like to say I love being a single parent it deff has perks. and when this baby's dad backed out my thoughts were omg really? are you serious?? no takey backsies!! hes all mine! ( I should add i feel this way after a ten year custody battle with my girls dad and fighting for my kids everyday. and should this baby's dad want to be involved i am all up for that and willing to try and work out visitation- had to add that before I received backlash on that) however I know you are not in that place yet. but I promise you will be ok and an amazing mother

@excitedmama2 you do deserve a badge!!! but I think u may already have the best trophy anyway and are about to get a second one

moonfaerie · September 2014

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, but it's probably for the best to find out now than when LO is here. I'd definitely talk to him to find out how active he plans to be in baby's life, and consult an attorney to learn the laws of your state and what you can expect. Good luck and giant hugs.

Maebb · September 2014

Hugs - I don't have advice, but I'm sorry you're going through this.

literarymuse · September 2014

Like PP, I don't have any advice to give. All I can say is that I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this right now. Emotional upheaval always sucks, especially when you're pregnant. Lots of hugs to you and T&P for everything to be ok someday.

britb618 · September 2014

OP, so sorry you are going through this. And as to what exitedmama2 said about the "friend of the courts" thing... great advice! Many states have different variations of this and I would definitely tell you to contact the family court and try to speak to someone first. I am a lawyer so I should be advocating for you to talk to a lawyer but to be honest in family situations you can get by with a mediator if everything is cordial. At least you can sit down and find out what your rights are and what the process would be. Although many attorneys will also do a free consultation to discuss everything with you. Either way take care of yourself and know that your child will be fine because he/she has you! I was raised by a single mommy and I love our relationship and how she taught me to be strong and independent as well

If you have any questions feel free to PM me and I can help walk you through some of the steps and what you should expect going forward!

honeybeee3 · September 2014

I'm sorry you're going through this. I don't have any experience or advice to offer, but I will send you good thoughts and internet ((HUGS)). Hang in there mama! >:D<

jneden · September 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this!

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