Is it rude.... (Baby shower related) - Also posted in SAIF

Re: Is it rude.... (Baby shower related) - Also posted in SAIF

• gsancho member

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  I would text or message the people who don't know and will be invited to the shower.  I had a close friend not tell me about her pregnancy until she was very far along, and I was hurt.  I'm not a fan of the huge FB announcements either, but sometimes a brief text message can go a long way.

  
  

  ETA: And I'm assuming here that if they would be invited to your shower, they are somewhat close to you.  But if that's not the case (like it's a friend of your mom or something), then I don't think it would matter much.

  
  
  Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
  IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
  IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
  Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545  -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!

  Camila Josephine arrived 4/30

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• missmarypoppins member

  September 2014

  I agree with PPs. I would send a message letting them know your pregnant so they're not shocked when they get the shower invite. I wouldn't feel bad about not telling them sooner, it's your own business! I've had several friends wait until a few weeks after their anatomy scan to announce to the general public.

  Me: 30 DH: 30 ~ TTC #1 Since August 2011 

  BFP #1 2/28/13, Ectopic, Tubal surgery 3/25 

  Began RE testing 8/8, Dx Unexplained, 

  IUI #1 11/1=BFN Moving on to IVF 

  IVF #1 12/2 ER 8R 7M 4 fertilized

  12/7 Transferred 2 "perfect" little blasts 12/17 BFN

  New DX= DOR, I fu*kng hate IF

  1/14 Hysteroscopy, new clean uterus!

  IVF #2: bcp, Lupron, follistim 300, menopur 225. 2/21 8R 4M 3F. 3dt of 2 perfect embryos. 1 little penguin 

   3/10 BFFN

  Regrouping. Seeing reproductive immunologist Dr. Kwak Kim 6/10 

  Kwak Kim protocol: Metformin 1000mg, vitamin D 4000iu, vitamin E 400iu, baby aspirin, Metanx, levothyroxine 75mcgs 

   Surprise BFP 9/21!!! Beta #1 247, Beta #2 630. Miscarried 10/13

  
  

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• AMShark member

  September 2014 edited September 2014

  I don't think it's awful, or necessarily rude... but, if it's a short list, it would be nice to call, email or text each person first to make your announcement, and maybe even mention the upcoming shower.

  
  

  Keep in mind, some people are very private about their IF struggles.  It may be possible that someone on your list is dealing with IF.  For those people, I think a note from you would be easier to digest than notification by shower invite.

  
  

  *** Ticker Warning ***

  
  

  Me: 37, DH: 39, TTC 5 yrs
  

  2013 summary: Diagnosed with Hypothyroid; Cervical polyp removed (benign); 
  2 rounds ovidrel with timed intercourse (no result): 3 rounds IUI with clomid + ovidrel (no result)
  2014 summary (to date):
  IVF cycle 1 - ER: 4/17 (28 follicles, 3 fertilized, 2 survived to day 3);
  ET: 4/20 (3rd day, 2 embryos - 1 @ 6 cells & 1 @ 4 cells); Beta 5/1 - BFP!; 
  1st scan 5/13 - development behind, no heartbeat detected; D&C 6/2; WTF 6/13
  IVF cycle 2 - BCP begun 7/12; stims w/ HGH begun 7/26; 
  ER: 8/6, 12 follicles, 7 fertilized w/ ICSI; ET: 8/11, 3 blastocysts left, 2 transferred, 3rd arrested 8/12 - none to freeze
  1st beta 8/19 - BFP! 294; 2nd beta 8/26 - 4976; 1st u/s 9/2; 2nd u/s 9/9 - two little heartbeats at 140 each!!! 
  EDD: 29-April-2015
  Other Meds: Synthroid 100 mcg/daily

    

  
  

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• xc1148 member

  September 2014

  This could just be me, but I personally think that when I get a shower invite without having been told about the pregnancy that the person is gift-grabbing. Showers are usually around 30 weeks? So you're basically saying you've been pregnant for six months, and are not close enough to the people to tell them you're pregnant but want them at your shower... it's a little weird. I waited a long time to tell certain people because I wanted to tell them in person, but by third trimester everyone i wanted to know already knew.
  
  Now it's different if you are actively friends with people and you just haven't mentioned that your pregnant. I feel weird "announcing" things and didn't put it on facebook either. But if it's someone you haven't spoken to in over a year, or someone you're only "facebook friends" with, it might come off a little odd.
  

  TTC since June 2011

  DH: perfect SA

  Me: 30, moderate endo, unexplained infertility

  IUI or IVF in December

  
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• ajlmom member

  September 2014

  Maybe post a picture of your bump on FB?  You're definitely far enough to announce!  I agree with learning you're pregnant when they receive the invite is a little weird.  And if by now some people still don't know they should not be invited? 

  
  

  Pregnant with #2
  
  IVF cycle 1 (Nov 2013)- freeze all d/t OHSS
  FET #1-BFN
  FET #2-BFP baby girl born Dec 2014
  FET #3-Sept 2017 BFP but miscarried at 6 weeks
  
  IVF cycle 2 (Oct 2017)- freeze all again d/t OHSS
  FET #1 BPF, pregnant with a singleton due Sept 2018
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• SKLH member

  September 2014

  @IFinTN These people consist of a girl I went to highschool with who was a bridesmaid of mine (we only chat maybe once a year or so but have been friends since 2nd grade)... Also my husband is in the military so we move often. 2 of the girls I would invite would be other wives I knew at our last duty station and knew I was going through the IVF process and knew it didn't work first time around...
  
  Any other reason besides IF brain? I'm not sure... During my long ass IVF process I started to realize how insignificant FB was to me and how shallow it was. As if people post "pretend" lives. I swear I knew a girl who's husband was a alcoholic and would throw her out of her house frequently but according to fb she "loves him so much and had such a great day with him" huh?? So, I just REALLY backed away from it! I seriously haven't posted ANYTHING on FB for about 9 months. My page looks like I abandoned it! lol
  

  Me (28) DH (32)  Endometriosis                                                                                   IVF  #1 (1/2013) - 17 Retrieved, 16 Mature, 14 Fertilized- 2 transferred- BFN
  FET #1 (7/2013) - 2 embryos - BFN
  FET #2 (9/2013) - 2 emrbyos - BFN
  New RE. Fresh Start
  IVF  #2 (2/2014) - 25 Retrieved, 19 Mature, 16 Fertilized, 9 blasts.
                               CGH Testing: 6 Normal
  FET #3 (4/2014) -1 embryo -  BFP! Beta#1: 35 Beta #2: 16
  FET #4 (5/2014) -1 embryo -  BFP! Beta#1: 321!!! Beta #2: 727.9! 6/5/2014 Heartbeat! 144bpm It's a girl! Due January!
     

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• Mrs.McIrish member

  September 2014

  I think you need to email anyone you want to invite to the shower. Getting an invite when you didn't know the person was pregnant is a bit odd. I get not telling people-- it took me forever (posted on FB at 26 weeks only bc my shower was at 28 weeks and I was afraid pictures would be posted by friends).

  TTC #1 since 8/1/10; Me:41 and BRCA1+, DH:46
  DOR (FSH 24.3)/ terrible egg quality ; homozygous MTHFR c677t
  5 IUI's: 2/11 to 6/11 and 1/12= BFN
  OE IVF#1-4 8/11-6/12= all BFN
  DE IVF#1 11/12 bad embryos= BFN
  DE IVF #2 2/13 BFP/Beta hell: m/c 5w6d
  CFNBC 7 months, not doing well; decided on guarantee program at RBA w/frozen DE
  DE IVF #3 1/14  ET 4BB; BFP;M/C 5w1d, incomplete m/c; MVA extraction in ER 7w1d

  DE FET#1 ET 3/1714; BFP, beta 1 3/27= 197, beta 2 3/31= 1586, beta 3 4/7= 13879!!
  First u/s= Twins with HBs at 6w2d! We are Team Pink x 2!!
  
  K & K born 11/21/14 at 38wks 4 days
  

  
  

  SAIF/PAIF Welcome

  
  

  http://waitingforraintostop.wordpress.com

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• kflynn81 member

  September 2014

  FWIW, that happened to me being on the other end of that. My really good friend from college (roommates in college and roommates for a few years after graduation) got married last October....and then this May a baby shower invitation showed up in my mailbox. No text, no call, no email....just an invite. I didn't go. Granted...I probably wouldn't have gone even if I knew she was pregnant ahead of time but that made me really sad that she didn't even tell me.

  Me: 33, Endocrine issues & FVL       DH: 32, Nothing 

  NTNP 2009-2012         TTC since 2012:

  • Clomid, 2 IUI cycles, and 5 IVF cycles = BFN
  • FET #1   August 2013 = BFP!     EDD 5/11/14
  • Jack dx at 19w1d with Dandy Walker on 12/16/13
  • Severe Pre-e /HELLP set in Jack born sleeping at 20w1d on 12/23/13
  • FET #2 --July 2014  BFP!  ---  EDD  4/5/15

  Jack has handpicked his sibling up there

  My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
  
           

                                                    

                                                                           
  

  
  

               
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

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• graysky member

  September 2014

  It would be great to send message to the ppl prior to sending the baby shower invites. They will be happy for you and be even more excited to receive the honor of attending the shower. I am not much of a FB person either and not one to post an announcement there.

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• babydreams13 member

  September 2014

  At least send them a text that you are pregnant before they get the invite. It would be awkward to get a shower invite and I didn't even know the person was preg.  We waited until 16-20 weeks to tell most people.  

  ***SIGGY WARNING***
  
  DX: Unexplained

  6 Failed IUIs (Clomid and Gonal F).  

  IVF #1 began August 2013- BC, 4 days of Estrace, stimmed with Gonal F and Menopur, Ganirelix, 9R 5M 5F, Medrol and Doxycycline, 5 day transfer of 2 early blastocysts- good quality, Progesterone, Estrace, and baby aspirin, BETA on 9/20 BFN,   IVF #2 began September 2013, stimming with Gonal F (higher dose) and Menopur, Ganirelix, 18R 14M 9F with ICSI, 5 day transfer of 2 BBs one was starting to hatch, 2 frosties: 1  BB and 1 AC, BETA on 10/21, BFN BETA was a 5- chemical 

  Getting some more testing and trying to figure out what the issue is before FET in December, started acupuncture on 11/10, RLP and some other BW nothing major to report except slightly high Prolactin. Prolactin was slightly high when I started with my RE and I already had an MRI which was Neg.  Endo biopsy=negative.  WTF is wrong with us???

  12/18/13 FET of 1 BB and 1 AC.  Hoping for a miracle.  Beta 12/26 Low BETA-8 2nd BETA 5- chemical

  After 3 failed transfers IDK where to go from here.  Still no real answers as to why this isn't working.  Getting a second opinion in February and looking into immune testing.  

  2/14- NEW RE- Immune testing showed a partial dq alpha match with DH- On prednisone and did intralipids prior to transfer.  3/14 Lupron, gonal f, menopur, HGH.  ER 15 mature all 15 fertilized!  5dt of an early blast grade 1 and an expanded blast grade 2.  BETA on 4/21.  1 grade 2 embryo frozen
  BETA #1 59 BETA #2 148 BETA #3 283 BETA #4 2,783! US at 6w2d shows 1 bean measuring right on track! HR 121.  US at 8w3d measuring on track HR 177. Released form my RE.  EDD 12/28
  

  
  

  
  

  All Welcome

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• wishiwaspreggo member

  September 2014

  I got an invitation to a baby shower from an old high school friend of mine a couple years ago.  She didn't tell me she was pregnant, but given the nature of our relationship I wasn't terribly surprised.  I was happy for her and would've gone if I didn't already have plans for that weekend.  Personally, I'd probably shoot an e-mail to friends who didn't know I was pregnant but I was planning to invite to my shower.  I've been pretty private about my pregnancy thus far, too, and am reluctant to say anything on Facebook.

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