Day Care concern - WWYD?

Jen4033 · September 2014

Hey Parenting! I'm usually on the BMB & a Parenting lurker, but was hoping to get some advice from this group!

As you can see from my ticker, I have 2 boys - 2yo & 9mo. They both go to a home day care in our town, close to our house. We love the lady who takes care of them. She is very active & creative with the kids vs it just being a place for them to be baby sat each day. great structure, lesson plans (even for the infants.) So I've been so pumped having found her after we moved last year.

Earlier this year, a new family joined her day care. They have 2 little girls. I am not 100% on the ages, but I want to say one is 7 & the other probably about 4. Their parents clearly have different parenting style than I do. It seems, to me, that the girls are a tad on the spoiled side IMO. Since these girls started, I noticed a huge difference in the behavior of my 2 yr old. I had been torn wondering if the girls were having an impression on him or if it was just normal 2 yr old boy behavior. That was until I got there a little early one day to pick up the boys, so I played a little with them waiting for day care lady to finish up with my 2yo in the bathroom, & got to see first hand how the girls threw fits if you didn't listen to what they wanted to say at that moment & do things the way they wanted you to do. The 7 yr old screamed at the top of her lungs at the other kids. They really are personalities with no personal bubble.. in your face... kinds of kids. Not saying that that type of personality is bad, just different than my reserved boy. They will do things just to get a reaction. They really seem to have not much knowledge of respect to others & boundaries. The day care lady & I have spoken about it before & she basically agreed that that is how the girls are regularly. We'd get there inthe mornings & we hadn't even made it down the steps yet & they were in our faces trying to hug my 9mo old & try to play with my 2yo. It was shortly after that my some started coming home talking about his "bubble." So I'm sure she instigated that after we chatted. The girls started backing off in the mornings too.

My 2yo, is obv very impressionable - & I know - dramatic. The things he comes home saying are very likely exaggerated, or possibly not even true. I'm clearly not there to see for myself. But sometimes, he will come home saying how he doesn't like girls, he only likes boys. I asked him why & he told me girls are mean. I have seen him exhibiting some of this 'mean' behavior with his 9mo old brother lately too (taking toys away, taking his pacifier & teasing/taunting him with it in front of his face). I've tried having talks with him that he needs use his words to tell the girls to stop & it is always ok to tell someone to stop doing something you don't like. And he should go tell the day care lady if they do not stop. Just yesterday, they were playing when I got there & they were encouraging him to come push them as hard as he could to show "how strong" he is. Which is a direct conflict to what I try to teach at home that we don't hit, kick or push anyone.

Again - he is 2.... I plan to ask the day care lady about it tonight when I pick them up to see if she has seen an increase in the girls' poor behavior lately. If so... Do I see if I can chat with their mom or dad sometime? Am I worrying too much about this? Being over protective? Do I just need to let kids be kids and just try to keep my values consistant at home?

I probably am on the over-protective side, but I grew up being teased by other kids so it really hits home to me. Being 2 yo, he is very interested in being included & having friends at day care. I worry he is taking on some of thier poor behaviors as he is trying to play along with them.

TIA for any advice and if I am just being paranoid, over bearing mom.. you can tell me... I can take it. :-)

Jen4033 · September 2014

Just realizing the novel this turned out to be.. if you read this all.. here are some sweets for your time!

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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aforst · September 2014

I don't think a conversation with the girls' parents is going to go well. People don't take well to being told their children are badly behaved. Unfortunately, not all children are going to behave the way you would like them to. This may or may not be a result of the parenting. Regardless, people can parent how they want.

This is not the last time you are going to run into this. Preschool and up is going to be the same. The best you can do is discuss your concerns with your daycare provider to make sure she's handling situations appropriately and continue to instill your values in your children at home.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

You can only parent your child. Sorry.

Also, do two year olds and seven year olds typically interact well? I have no idea.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

I reread all that.

Your daycare provider needs to handle the girls' interactions with your children if it is taunting and age appropriately too rough. She needs to step up the plate. That's her responsibility if the children are in her care.

74dragonfly · September 2014

Why is a 7 year old in day care and not at school?

It is the daycare lady's job to manage the kids behavior not yours. If you don't like your children being around a variety of ages I'd recommend a different daycare that has seperate rooms for different ages.

also 2yo is the start of a long period of 'naughty" behaviour like taking toys. they also have words to fully express themselves so hitting, etc occurs.

Jen4033 · September 2014

Thank you ladies. I really needed to hear this outside of my own head.

I think I'll continue to bring up concerns to day care lady so she can be on the look out for any behavior she might not be seeing happen. Any thought I had about how to handle this, I always came back to.. I can only make sure he has the tools to handle the world. I can't handle the world for him.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

The day I approach a parent about how their children behave is probably the day I am greeted with the laundry list of shit my kid does as well.

Jen4033 · September 2014

MarlaSinger& said:

The day I approach a parent about how their children behave is probably the day I am greeted with the laundry list of shit my kid does as well.

Another reason that wasn't an option I wanted to do. Glad every one here is shooting that down.

SpaceGirlSpiff · September 2014

Yeah... Big fat NO to approaching the other parents

If they are acting inappropriately with your kids, it's up to the daycare provider to step in when necessary

You will find that you just simply cannot control the personalities of other kids that are going to be around or interacting with your kids... just imagine when they're in actual school, it would probably be 10 fold this "issue"...so many personality types, so many different interactions they'll face...They and you will have to get used to that... you just need to let go and trust that the provider knows how to handle interaction issues if they go too far. If she doesn't seem like she's doing well at that, then THAT is something you can discuss with your provider, or you can control that by finding alternative care.... maybe with a facility that has multiple classrooms separated by age group so your kids are at least always around similar aged kids.

Bottom line....Your only interaction should be with the provider and your own children... you can only parent your own children, as PP said. Period.

Good luck

Jen4033 · September 2014

74dragonfly said:

Why is a 7 year old in day care and not at school?

It is the daycare lady's job to manage the kids behavior not yours. If you don't like your children being around a variety of ages I'd recommend a different daycare that has seperate rooms for different ages.

also 2yo is the start of a long period of 'naughty" behaviour like taking toys. they also have words to fully express themselves so hitting, etc occurs.

Now that school is in session, the 7 yo is only there for a little while in the morning & then a couple hours in the evenings. They just started in the spring, just before I ended my maternity leave & DS1 started FT day care again, so these are things I have been seeing over the summer for the most part. It isn't the variety of ages I am concerned with, but the way in which these 2 particular girls treat my son.

To the bolded.. that exact point was another thing making me feel torn if I should do anything at all. I know not all his bad behavior is because of the girls, but there were somethings I could see clearly were because I had witnessed it from them & things he said made me think it.

I, by no means, think my 2 yo would be perfectly behaved without the influence from these girls. The normal behaviors of being 2 certainly come into play as well. :0)

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