Babies: 0 - 3 Months

dealing with other people

How do you deal with other people that aren't conscious of the fact that you're still recovering from delivery and your whole life has changed and you're trying to adapt and take care of newborn(s) while still taking care of yourself.

We have some family members that I know are very excited but are just pushy. So when we tell them to back off and to call before they come over they don't take it well and tell other people we're being mean to them.

The babies are doing well but we're trying to get them on some sort of a schedule to stay sane. We're also trying to get the babies to gain more weight since they were born smaller. People don't even understand what's involved with having two babies and what we go through. They think it's all fun and cute because they're babies. They want to "help" but helping consists of just holding the babies.

We're trying to lay the babies down awake but sleepy so they learn to soothe themselves. So when visitors try rocking them to sleep and we ask them to lay them down they're offended even if we explain it to them. They're also very good at making comments about breastfeeding and milk supply that doesn't concern them.

How do you all deal with people that just don't get it and that won't get it no matter how many times you talk to them about it. I feel like we're constantly pleading our case and not able to just enjoy our babies like we should be.

Thank you.

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Re: dealing with other people

  • It can be very frustrating when family doesn't give you space with a new baby.  My in-laws complained that we never let them see our baby, and would tell all of our extended family they weren't "allowed" to see him.  We took him over nearly every week.  They were just upset they couldn't drop in whenever they felt like it.  The first couple of months are tough, but you will get into a routine, and things will be better - even if your family doesn't back off very much.  Just try your best to ignore the comments, and know that they will annoy you less as time passes.
  • Ugh...and unsolicited advice gets old too!! We have been going to see people so we can leave at our convenience and most people that want to come visit have been mindful to ask at least a day ahead if they can stop by to visit. I take these times to just enjoy adult conversations.
    My parents were here the first two weeks lo was born and their idea of "being helpful" was holding her and putting her to sleep (they thought a quiet baby was a happy baby), even when it was evening and I needed her to stay awake to sleep at night. I understand your thoughts completely. I needed someone to vacuum, do dishes, or run errands because I couldn't lift anything heavier than the baby or drive for two weeks. Just stand your ground. Only you know what schedule you want your babies on to make your life a little less complicated.
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  • Congrats!! I would say get all the visitors and help while you can if you feel up to it at that moment. My baby is 2 months and I hardly get visitors anymore. It's depressing! Sometimes I feel like I need more help now than I did then because I had my husband at home. Now I need someone to hold her so I can actually eat at times or take a shower. The simple things in life I used to take for granted :).
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