A Re-Intro of Sorts (other pregnancies mentioned, not mine)

BandM14 · September 2014

Hi there!

I intro'd back in July, when my H and I were doing testing (we went straight to an RE after a year of trying with BBT and OPK's). After our meeting with the doctor to get all of our results, I kind of shut down about all of this, thus my break from TB. Here's what's happened since I stopped posting:

SA results were good, except for morph at 5% which RE said was right on the borderline.

My HSG results were "inconclusive"-- RE could not see dye spilling out my right tube, but could not confirm a blockage.

TSH was slightly elevated, at a 3.14. RE rx'd Synthroid 25 mg.

DX: "unexplained."

He offered us Femara and IUI's but my hubby was super resistant. He said if everything is okay we should just keep trying, as it is important to him that this happens "naturally." So, we decided to try a couple of months "relaxing" about it-- no more BBT, just OPK's, and both of us trying not to think about it too much. Over the course of those two months, FOUR friends announced their pregnancies... two of which I knew had only just started trying. My plan to not think about it has backfired big time, and I just keep switching between feeling sad and angry that it hasn't been so easy for us.

This diagnosis of unexplained confuses me... what about the tube that *might* be blocked?? Tubes don't just block themselves-- could that mean Endo, or some other problem? And if I'm ovulating on my own every month, what will the Femara really do other than possibly give me an extra follicle (not that it will even matter if they are on the right side and it's actually blocked)? On one hand, the diagnosis is a relief because there's no obvious major problem... but on the other, it leaves me feeling directionless. And, on top of that, my husband is taking this to mean that "nothing is wrong!"--when I just feel in my gut that we would be pregnant right now if everything was okay.

I'm sorry to vent here, but I really have no one to talk to. Any advice (about ANY of it) would help. I guess if I had to pinpoint questions for you ladies, these would be them:

*Would you want to repeat HSG and possibly do a lap to confirm blocked tube AND figure out why it is blocked?

*How would you approach your husband/partner if he/she was resistant to starting treatment? When I try to talk to him about it I just start crying, and he responds by trying to say that everything's fine, we'll get pregnant on our own-- which makes me more upset, because I just don't believe it anymore.

*Has anyone tried Femara with timed intercourse to start? I am wondering if DH would agree to that, as it's less extensive than an IUI, but I have no idea what success rates are, or if it's even worth it when I'm already ovulating.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I plan to jump back into the community here, since trying to ignore our infertility is proving impossible, and I think I could really benefit from getting (and giving) some support.

-B

moto611 · September 2014

Our situation is similar to yours... we didn't have any obvious issues (once my husband's SA improved - long story) and my husband also wanted things to happen naturally. He came around to medicated cycles after seeing me get SO upset every month when I got my period. I just broke down and said that yes, maybe it would happen if we kept trying on our own, but I wanted to do whatever was going to make it happen the fastest. I don't know if that helps you because "just cry more" is probably the worst advice ever, but it's what worked for me!

I'm pretty sure I was ovulating just fine on my own but my RE still had me start with Clomid and Bravelle. He insisted it would increase our chances. I think mostly because the goal is 2-3 follicles rather than 1 follicle, but maybe it also helps them control the cycle? I'm not sure. It was covered by my insurance so I decided to just try and trust my RE... both medicines have been easier (in terms of side effects) than I thought they'd be. I was petrified of getting too many follicles and having to cancel the cycle, but so far I've only gotten 1 or 2. We started with timed intercourse because my husband was more comfortable with it. When that didn't work right away we upgraded to IUI because I was worried about CM and just in general wanted to give us our best shot at success. If you don't have MFI the success rates are supposed to be very similar between TI and IUI, so that could be a good place for you to start.

BandM14 · September 2014

Thanks @moto611‌. I'm hoping he agrees with me taking Femara this coming cycle or next (I'm 10 DPO right now with negative tests, so it's still possible I'm pregnant I guess but I'm not feeling hopeful). I don't know if it's possible for me to cry more, haha, but I do think telling him how much it's affecting me is helping him start to consider medical options. Good luck to you and your H, I hope you get pregnant really soon!

Thanks @murrt‌ . My RE kind of brushed it off during our consult, saying treatment would be the same whether or not one tube was blocked... But if it's a bigger problem like endo then Id like to know what I'm dealing with. Not thrilled about the idea of a laparoscopy, but I'll do what I have to for answers I suppose. Good luck to you!!

BandM14 · September 2014

Thanks @iPutKetchupOnKetchup‌ . I totally agree that denial isn't healthy, but I'm trying to be respectful of his feelings. He says he doesn't want to interfere with the natural process, but as much as I try to explain it I don't think he gets that IF is a medical condition that needs treatment. Honestly, our RE didn't exactly help by saying that he didn't see a glaring reason why we couldn't get pregnant on our own eventually. MH is holding on to that one comment rather than looking at all the evidence suggesting we have an issue and will need some help.

I'm hoping we can have a heart to heart before next cycle starts so that I can at least start Femara and/or repeat the HSG. I just wish we could make a decision we are both happy with instead of feeling like it's my way or his way.

Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!

BandM14 · September 2014

@iPutKetchupOnKetchup‌ you are amazing, thanks so much for the book recommendation!!! Literally going to Amazon tonight to order it. If he reads it and is still being a fertility treatment party pooper, then maybe we can call on the services of MK for some expert advice

. Thanks again.

stace2524 · September 2014

I had a similar issue with my husband too, he had really strong feelings about wanting to get pregnant the "natural" way and having unexplained IF made it harder bc there is no obvious reason why we aren't pregnant yet. It took some rough convos but I think our RE giving him some statistics is what really made him ok with ART and IVF. Compromise was key too. He wanted to "let it happen" while I wanted to get moving with treatment, so we came up with a plan on how long we'd try TI and IUI before moving on to IVF. With him feeling like he had a say, it helped him be ok with ART. I won't lie it's been a rough road, but looking back it has made us a stronger couple and ready to kick IF's ass together!

BandM14 · September 2014

Thanks @stace2524‌ , your story gives me some hope that he will come around. Totally get what you're saying about compromise, and I'm hoping DH will come around to femara with TI as a way to meet me in the middle, and maybe agree to a set number of cycles before we move to IUI.

ritacita · September 2014

ETA: oh damn this is long... Sorry 'bout that :-??

I would say YES repeat the HSG. It will at least give you peace of mind.

MH said that shit all the time too in the beginning (we are also unexplained), and I believed him for a long time, but it's been just short of 7 years for us. I really just needed him to get real about this. Once he accepted that we actually would need treatment (a year or two ago) I left the decision of when to start almost entirely up to him. I would check in every month or so just to make sure he was actually thinking about it and not ignoring the situation

And when he felt the time was right, we set a date with the RE. Your hubs might just not be ready for treatments yet, who knows, I don't really know you guys but that was the situation in my case. And the waiting sucked sometimes, but I don't for a second regret the extra time spent alone with MH. And I can't even imagine the stress I would be under if he didn't feel right about doing it yet, he certainly wouldn't be able to be the rock that he is now for me. You might want to explain to him more about unexplained infertility, it does not mean that you can get pregnant but you just haven't yet. It means that the standard tests they use don't show any problem, not that a problem doesn't exist.

Unexplained IF sucks and it DOES make you feel lost! I hope that the two of you figure out your feelings and are able to work it all out! Hugs and GL to you!

BandM14 · September 2014

@ritacita‌ don't apologize, I so appreciate you taking the time to respond and share your story!! I totally get what you're saying about the stress it would cause to do treatments when YH wasn't on board, that's exactly how I feel... I want a baby so badly that it's really hard for me to be patient with him, but I in no way want to manipulate him in to doing something he isn't ready for. I think like you and others have said, education is key. I ordered the book @iPutKetchupOnKetchup‌ recommended and will try to have a sit down talk this weekend where I explain where I'm coming from and talk to him more about what unexplained IF really means.

If I repeat the HSG this cycle coming up, maybe he will be on board with starting meds at least, but hopefully meds with IUI. I'm hoping the HSG clears things up, but if it's obvious that the right tube is blocked I know it's gonna drive me nuts not knowing WHY it's blocked. Like I said, I'm suspicious of endo, which scares me because the impacts on fertility can be so unpredictable.

Anyway, I'm still trying to learn where people are at since I'm new, but I really hope things are going well for you now that you are working with an RE. Thanks again, wishing you lots of luck!!

BandM14 · September 2014

Thanks @rainbowbridge14‌ ! It's so nice to have you ladies respond with these supportive posts. I ordered the book and am hoping it helps, and I actually talked to him before bed last night about wanting to at least repeat the HSG, and hopefully talk to DH more about starting Femara the cycle after. Thanks again for your comments!

lisa89760 · September 2014

My husband was the same way at first...but he was ok with medicated cycles without the IUI. We have unexplained infertility (and his morph is 5% too but our RE won't say borderline but it is) and when two medicated cycles didn't work, he was ready to move on to IUI. Hopefully the medicated cycle option will be a good starting off point for you guys.

I would get a repeat HSG too, it can't hurt.

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A Re-Intro of Sorts (other pregnancies mentioned, not mine)

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