First Appt-husband???

heidiarciaga · September 2014

My first appt is coming up (I'll be right at 9 weeks), and just wondering if your husbands are all there, the entire time? Do they have him right next to you when you get weighted? This may seem silly, but it's sort of uncomfortable (I know we're having a baby and all...but still). He is gets super uncomfortable with any period, bleeding, etc talk. I don't even want to tell him it will be a transvag ultrasound. I know he wants to be in the room to hear the heart beat, of course...I just imagine myself getting a Pap smear in front of him-I think he'd die. Obviously I'm a first time mom to be...and he will be in there when I deliever...just a little unsure what to expect w him in there and what/when to warn him.

Thanks!!!

VeganOnTuesdays · September 2014

My husband will be there the whole time as well. I am a first time mom so I am not exactly sure what to expect but he has made it very clear that he will be at every appointment no matter what. Not going to lie, I too thought about the weight aspect. I will probably make a joke that he needs to turn around but give him the "I am laughing for the sake of the nurse but I am VERY serious." face. I already warned him that this apt will probably be boring because when I talked to the facility they said that at 8 weeks and the first apt, they do not do an US. Lame. But he will be there none the less.

jenanns · September 2014

My H was there at my first appointment though it was just blood work, weight etc. I will want him there even more so for the ultrasound appointment but he is also the type who I don't think will be weirded out by transvaginal or pap or any of that. Like others have said he will have to grow comfortable over the pregnancy and seeing baby for the first time would be sad to miss!

As far as the weight I guess I am weird but he has always know my weight and I have never worried about it, he is a personal trainer and we both weight more that what might be seen as acceptable for our height but it is due to muscle. I worry more him knowing my body fat percentage ( not that it is bad just it is a number that has more value than my weight) :-S

Pintobean39 · September 2014

My husband goes to every appt that I have an us that we may see something. AND I'll never understand why the extra chairs are facing the foot of the bed. I just have to tell him to move to my head while they are doing the us.

Although, the way I got pregnant this time was with my legs high up in the air and 2 Dr's an us tech and a nurse were all up in there. I have no modesty left, that when out the window years ago.

alysonmh · September 2014

My husband was there for the whole appointment including weigh in. He's my best friend and and is nothing but supportive so I don't waste energy on trying to hide things that ultimately don't matter. By the end of the pregnancy and birth there will be so many things worse than a pelvic exam or a number on a scale that it's better that we and our husbands just get comfortable and used to it now

I don't know your husband but my guess is that he will be so excited to share that first appointment with you that it won't bother him as much as you think. Maybe have a conversation with him about his expectations and what he's uncomfortable with?

creativerae · September 2014

FTM here, and DH has straight up MANDATED that he will be at every appointment. *lol* I think he's more excited than I am, which is sayin something. We're workout buddies, so I don't worry about him knowing my weight.

Just remember: your hubby's with you because he loves you! You're carrying his child! Your weight shouldn't matter. It's no reflection on you as a person. Any uncomfortable-ness with regard to the female reproductive system needs to be gotten over, because I would think delivery is gonna be overwhelming if he doesn't. Tell him to man up!

Pintobean39 · September 2014

You think getting on the scale in front of him is embarrassing now, just wait until you shit on the table while having your baby.

samiamagirl · September 2014

This is going to be good practice for him to start putting his discomfort on the back burner in order to help you. Your appointments will be nothing like labor, delivery, and all the fun stuff that happens to your body afterwards. When my best friend had a baby her husband said he had officially seen it all and, if anything, made him love her even more.

If your husband starts getting squeamish, remind him he only has to see what's going on, you get the joy of experiencing it.

SassyPants150 · September 2014

Our conversations with friends were waaaay different post baby. Now we share labor stories about shitting the bed, looking at placentas, and seeing the vagina carnage being sewed up after an episiotomy.

MirandaC1984 · September 2014

My first appointment is in two weeks and we will have an US, blood work, pap smear, and well pretty much the whole bag of tricks. While my husband isn't completely comfortable with it all he is going with me to support me. It's our first pregnancy so it is new to both of us and as cheesy as it sounds, I'm glad he is willing to do it all together. I'm the one dealing with the morning sickness and I really don't care if a pap smear makes him uncomfortable. Ya know? lol

camdensmom32 · September 2014

He will just have to get over it. He is going to encounter a lot of stuff during your pregnancy and delivery that isn't pretty.

texasmama15 · September 2014

My DH has been present for both of my appointments and I'm so glad he was. I think it's harder to go through those appointments alone and like pp it was good for us both to hear the information just in case I missed anything. He never once said anything about awkwardness because I think we were both there for the same goal, learn about our baby! GL to you and your appointment!

Sarahbmcd · September 2014

My dh was interesting to watch through that stuff when I miscarried in april. After we left the er the first time he was like "that guy was way up in there...." asking me if it hurt and whatnot. The guys, and you, get used to it.

lgsdesigner · September 2014

Yes, my DH is going to all appointments.

I wouldn't worry too much about your DH. He will get used to it! The first appt they are usually a little nervous anyways (as am I), so it's something you both will go through together. No worries!

SassyPants150 · September 2014

Oh, and DH goes to most all appointments. At least until getting close to the end. He likes feeling reassured with at least getting to hear the heartbeat every month. My first appointment will also have an u/s.

SnowFlake84 · September 2014

My DH was there through my IUIs and monitoring, so the first OB appointment will be nothing. He's already sat through my trans-vag U/Ss for that.

Mimi63 · September 2014

My DH went to all my major appt last pregnancy and will again this time. Things get a lot more disgusting at delivery. My DH who planned on standing by my head and encouraging me was forced to stand at my feet and hold my leg when labored surprised the nurse by progressing super quickly. He laughs about it now.

Lalalady54 · September 2014

My DH came to a lot of my appointments with DD and never knew my weight until we were transferred after she was born and the RNs were giving bedside signout and my labor nurse announced it to the postpartum RN- I was horrified (I went from 145 to 188) the postpartum nurse made a joke about how she weighs that much and she didn't just have a baby and we moved forward. I told my husband to erase that he ever heard that (he already was doing lots of erasing between the hours of pushing with my vagina feeling like a gaping hole, the pooping, why not erase my weight?!) and we never discussed it again.

Just tell your RN you don't want your DH knowing your weight and they will help you, I'm sure they are used to it-- my DH would go straight to the room while I got weighed in the hallway- easy peasy

Unknown · September 2014

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heidiarciaga · September 2014

Thanks everyone!! It's not that my weight is a secret or anything...just not something I jump on the scale in front of him or anyone else. But you are all right...even though he is way worse squeamish than the average guy...he will have to get used to it sooner or later! Might as well break him in now!! And for the record, he of course wants to be there with me at appts, I just KNOW he assumes an ultra sound is going to be on the tummy...not in the vag. Maybe I'll throw it out on the drive there and tell him he can move the chair by my head.

maybebride · September 2014

First, I am completely covered by a sheet for both the pap and the transvag. u/s, so any "images" DH got from being there were in his own head. He couldn't actually see a thing.

Second, from another perspective, DH sort of joked that he might not go this time around, but of course he did. Our news experience wasn't so great and I am so glad he was there with me to hold my hand.

It is your body, I understand, but that is also his baby and you are in this together.

evakatharina · September 2014

Meh, my husband and my MIL came along to my first appointment. I'm sure they must have seen/overheard my weight and they had to come down near my feet to see the screen on the ultrasound machine, so I guess they saw whatever they saw. The midwife was trying to keep me modest, but they might have been able to see.

I guess I just have no modesty, but I figure it's only getting worse (way, way worse) from here and I'm only going to weight more and more at subsequent appointments so I might as well just get used to it.

tinalovescauliflower · September 2014

I'm mildly surprised that so many women are concerned about their husbands knowing their weight. Presumably he already knows your shape, your naked body, and your fitness level, right?

Based on other comments here I guess I'm just lucky. My fiancé and are are pretty in tune and neither of us has ever needed to shield the other from medical stuff. I've held him while he has a seizure and he sat with me in the bathroom as I miscarried our first pregnancy.

That said, he does have a lot of questions about pregnancy and delivery. I like bringing him to appointments because he remembers things better than my pregnancy brain and can nudge me to ask a question I mentioned. He also makes his own lists. It's sweet!

LilPez · September 2014

My DH was at every appointment with our DS. Every.Single.One.
As others have said, if he plans to be in the delivery room, he's got a lot of getting used to it to do!
A Pap smear is nothing.
My DH held the bed pan as I barfed into it the second our baby was born.
It's not all perfect like the movies make it seem. Good luck, hope your DH gets comfy soon!

a316b · September 2014

yep- he's there every appointment if he can make it.

strict rules to stay near my head - but keep his head out of my way so I can see the ultrasounds!

amsett3 · September 2014

No he didn't come to my appt, but he also has no paid time off right now and this is the 3rd time around. I'm not even sure if he will be able to come to the anatomy scan (but I am hopeful he will be able to!).

I went through my entire first pregnancy (and delivery, and first 2 months) alone due to deployment so I guess I'm just used to it. But I think it would be very normal for the husband to be part of the entire appointment

mlbrooks619 · September 2014

I had my husband go with me for my first appt other than the confirmation appt. He did great, but we are a pretty open book with each other when it comes to health. I don't think it's weird at all for him to be there during the transvaginal U/S... pap smears/cervical exams could be uncomfortable but it is what it is and it's life

SassyPants150 · September 2014

@mlbrooks619‌, where will you be delivering?

kayleighalongo · September 2014

If he's uncomfortable, remind him there is a sheet over the goods while any inspecting is going on and once an ultrasound is in progress you and he will be focused on the screen. My husband was worried about this too and I said, "it's not like you haven't seen what he's looking at before?!" He, too, just stood by my head and chatted with me. It's nice to have someone there to experience it all with you.

NickyCicc20 · September 2014

DH didn't come to my appt nor will he come to most of them. It's not that he isn't supportive, but his commute is over an hour in each direction and he would have to take a vacation day to come to the appointment. We can't drop DD off at daycare until after 830 and need to pick her up by 5 so appointments before/after work are out of the question.

He will take vacation days for the 12 wk NT scan and the Anatomy scan at 20 weeks but otherwise, the rest are boring and repetitive. Would hate to waste vacation just so he can stand in the room, uncomfortably.

tashad18 · September 2014

DH hates that my OB is male. It makes him very uncomfortable so he doesn't go in for anything where the doctor is downtown. My OB was on vacation during delivery so I didn't have to worry about that part.

saritacw · September 2014

Starbuck128 said:

At some point you should warn him there's a good chance you'll poop when you first start pushing.

My SO takes great joy in reminding me that I'm going to poop on a table in front of people.

He seems to think it's just hilarious. (ok...it kinda is.)

xstarfirex08 · September 2014

This is my second. With the first, hubby was there at all early appts and most late ones. Weight didn't matter to me. He knew I was going to get bigger, so what's the point. He watched while the doc did the pap too. Heck, he's already thoroughly explored the area, so why should I be shy about it? Having him there was supportive (especially with bloodwork since I'm terrified of needles), a good bonding time, and let him ask any questions he thinks of for the doc. This time he won't get to go to as many appts, but he'll be at the first when we get an US and certain key ones later.

tinyjoys · September 2014

I'm going to be super blunt here: tell your husband to grow up. There is going to be blood and if you deliver vaginally, your vagina is going to stretch to the roughly the size of a bagel, and if you deliver via csection, there will be guts. Modesty goes out the window during labor and you're going to have strangers getting super fresh all up in your business and you may crack a joke about at least buying you drinks and/or dinner first. These are all things that he really needs to accept. He can not be uncomfortable about the female body or you will regret it later on. He might as well be there from the beginning to accept all these things as opposed to being slapped in the face with them later on.

mpedigo29 · September 2014

My husband is the biggest wuss, he was good about avoiding any uncomfortable situations and the nurses kept telling him where to go and when. I was so thankful he was there when we heard- surprise its twins! He was working with the dr to schedule our next apt around his calendar before I could even speak up.

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