Dear IF, I hate you......(come on in for a full on long whine)...happy update in thread :)

JBDamonM · September 2014

And I apologize as I'm on my IPad so this will probable also be one long run on. I need to vent/whine. And I apologize in advance.

When we got our MFI DX two years ago I have to say, I took it like a champ.the point was to have a baby, didn't care how, didn't care how much....and it worked, and I thank god every.single.day for Molly. She's the best thing that has ever happened to both DH and I. But now that its time for number 2 - things are different. I don't really know how to explain it other than to say I feel like I am backed into a corner.....there are two many pieces to try and fit together and it's stressing me out. I KNOW I want another baby, ideally sooner rather than later. I just wish I felt like I could decide precisely when btwn now and the end of the year. DH and I have been WALLOPED with bills of late and he works am all commission job. This makes these bills tougher when you don't know exactly how much your next check will be. I would love another month or two to get our ducks in a row. The issue; two fold. First - my RE is closing for at least a month and a half from December - mid Jan to move locations

I thought by December they meant Christmas time, but found out today it's actually Dec 5.....since I'm doing an FET this means I have to start my LUPRON this cycle to transfer in time. Additionally I hit my deductible for the year, so I can cycle for $300 plus meds. Which is great, unless of course it fail. That means when I want to cycle next year and have not hit my deductible I would have to pay $2,500...... I realize how lucky I am to have any IF coverage but I am really struggling with the fact that this decision is being made for me....

In short - for the first time in 2.5 years I'm just REALLY bitter that I can't get pregnant for free......ya know, just a bottle of wine and a roll in the hay. Sigh.

I hope my post didn't offend anyone. I know how much worse things could be in the TTC area, this is just weighing on me heavily and I had to vent.

ccam · September 2014

Oh man - I totally get it!! I was wondering how the move was going to affect their schedule, I can't believe they're shutting down for that long! I ran into a similar situation with the holiday shut down last year and the nurse tells me so nonchalantly that my cycle would be canceled... huh?! NO!!

Anyway, I hope you get it all figured out and are at peace with whatever decision you make! Thinking of you!!

TJ1979 · September 2014

I'm so sorry dear. Big hugs. That is a tricky situation. Considering we were OOP for everything, it would be hard for me to turn down a cycle for only $300. And if it works, you have 9 months to get ready if you aren't 100% ready right now. But I know what you mean about not knowing how much the you will have in the bank the next few months, and especially with the holidays coming up, it's terrible timing.
GL with your decision. Whatever you guys choose to do, don't second guess yourself. Make your decision and move on. You don't need any added stress wondering if you made the right decision, KWIM?

JBDamonM · September 2014

ccam said:

Oh man - I totally get it!! I was wondering how the move was going to affect their schedule, I can't believe they're shutting down for that long! I ran into a similar situation with the holiday shut down last year and the nurse tells me so nonchalantly that my cycle would be canceled... huh?! NO!!

Anyway, I hope you get it all figured out and are at peace with whatever decision you make! Thinking of you!!

Yup, this is sort of what happened to me as well. One of my friends is going to Dr. B for treatments and called yesterday to move forward with IVF. They very non chalantly told her she would have to wait until January because they can't see her for her 1B appt until 11/17 and they will be closed when she starts her next period after that.

I've always been really happy with the care I have received there and think that Dr. N has impeccable bedside manner, but this time around I"m a little less impressed. I feel like they have grown too fast. We shouldn't be waiting almost 2 months to get appointments for consults when we're already patients (I also had to wait 6 weeks when I called for my FET consult).... And I don't like the way they are handling this move. I totally get that dates aren't set in stone with building moves having gone through a few in my jobs myself..... but they should have a protocol set and be communicating it a little more effectively. When I went for my consult in August, I went all the way through the appt, before the Financial Coordinator mentioned that they would be closed....And I'm sure I am not the only one trying to squeeze in treatments before the end of the year because of insurance.....And then there is the lovely letter about transporting the frozen embryo's..... really hope that's just a Cover Your as* move.... Can't help but be frustrated.

JBDamonM · September 2014

Ducky719 said:

Jb you do not have to apologize. I am sorry to hear you are so stressed out about it. Half way through your post (the part about re closing) i had made up my mind: wait. Cycle after they move and then WHAM! You mentioned your deductible and now I'm not so sure i'd wait. Fwiw, i had similar feelings when we started ttc#2. I kept going back and forth about being ready or not. I got really depressed about needing to do treatments again...even tho it would have only been a FET. We got lucky. And I thank God everyday for it. And i wish everyday that everyone would be so lucky and it makes me sad when i think of all my sister's who are struggling (including my real sister). I can't give you advice on what to do bc that decision is between you and YH. I can tell you what i did. Like i said, i was on the fence. Yes I'm ready; no I'm not. One day i woke up and realized that the reason i was so torn was bc i now knew what to expect (where w Sophie i didn't...i went in blind, younger, braver and had a willingness to do anything to have a family). Now I'm older...wiser...aware of what it takes...so i said "f it" and we jumped right in. Threw caution to the wind and just said we're doing it. It wasnt the most responsible decision I've ever made but it turned out to be the right one for us. Hugs lady!!! >:D<

Ducky - this is me TO A TEE!!!!!!!! Exactly how I feel.

A huge part of my frustration is with my insurance. I work for a wonderful company, benefits are great except for the insurance. It's EXPENSIVE.

My family is healthy people. DH has not been to a Dr once all year, and yet we have been saddled with medical bills all year. It's MADDENING. My plan was actually to switch from the high deductible plan to a straight PPO, suck up paying TWICE as much each paycheck to not have such high bills moving forward..... Until they announced that the straight PPO plan has become exponentially more expensive for both the company and the employee. Awesome. And again, I feel bad complaining because I know how fortunate I am to have coverage. If I didnt have it, I probably would have no family (my heart aches just typing that).....

I'm almost positive we're going to move forward. I just need to come to grips with the fact that things aren't ideal. To @TJ1979's point - its hard to walk away from a $300 FET......I just wish I had more confidence. And if this doesn't work - I know I"ll lose my shi* about having to cycle next year.... .but for now it's one day at a time.

Thanks ladies, for letting me vent. So few people get this.

ccam · September 2014

JBDamonM said:

ccam said:

Oh man - I totally get it!! I was wondering how the move was going to affect their schedule, I can't believe they're shutting down for that long! I ran into a similar situation with the holiday shut down last year and the nurse tells me so nonchalantly that my cycle would be canceled... huh?! NO!!

Anyway, I hope you get it all figured out and are at peace with whatever decision you make! Thinking of you!!

Yup, this is sort of what happened to me as well. One of my friends is going to Dr. B for treatments and called yesterday to move forward with IVF. They very non chalantly told her she would have to wait until January because they can't see her for her 1B appt until 11/17 and they will be closed when she starts her next period after that.

I've always been really happy with the care I have received there and think that Dr. N has impeccable bedside manner, but this time around I"m a little less impressed. I feel like they have grown too fast. We shouldn't be waiting almost 2 months to get appointments for consults when we're already patients (I also had to wait 6 weeks when I called for my FET consult).... And I don't like the way they are handling this move. I totally get that dates aren't set in stone with building moves having gone through a few in my jobs myself..... but they should have a protocol set and be communicating it a little more effectively. When I went for my consult in August, I went all the way through the appt, before the Financial Coordinator mentioned that they would be closed....And I'm sure I am not the only one trying to squeeze in treatments before the end of the year because of insurance.....And then there is the lovely letter about transporting the frozen embryo's..... really hope that's just a Cover Your as* move.... Can't help but be frustrated.

I totally agree about differences between going back for #2 and when I was there for DS (in 2011). It is so much different now. I feel like they are way overloaded with patients now and it feels like a baby making factory. Even morning bw is insane! If they're going to take on this many more patients, they need to hire some more staff. I just don't think they realize how you have your mind set on a timeline and getting in for treatment and to tell you "oh, you'll have to wait a month", it's actually a huge deal in our minds! I can see how you'd be totally frustrated!!

And what's the whole moving frozen embryo's letter?? Meaning those in storage? I haven't gotten anything from them besides a notice months ago that they will be moving in January.

kmc84 · September 2014

chiwifey said:
Hugs to you! It's ridiculous that so many factors go in to growing our families. I especially agree that what ever you decide go with it and don't look back. You'll make the right decision for your family. More hugs to you!

Ditto! ((Hugs))

mcgeeva · September 2014

I'm sorry. Just my opinion..if you both know you want two kids and it's just a matter of timing...I would do when the cost is low. Just because it all adds up so much! The way I see it when we started..I knew I wanted my kids close in age but with the uncertainty of treatments and getting pregnant it could be any amount of time I figured sooner the better. Wish you all the best of luck...im sorry you all are going through that. It's so tough especially when money is a factor. Totally understand that being OOP myself.

JBDamonM · September 2014

ccam said:

JBDamonM said:

ccam said:

Oh man - I totally get it!! I was wondering how the move was going to affect their schedule, I can't believe they're shutting down for that long! I ran into a similar situation with the holiday shut down last year and the nurse tells me so nonchalantly that my cycle would be canceled... huh?! NO!!

Anyway, I hope you get it all figured out and are at peace with whatever decision you make! Thinking of you!!

Yup, this is sort of what happened to me as well. One of my friends is going to Dr. B for treatments and called yesterday to move forward with IVF. They very non chalantly told her she would have to wait until January because they can't see her for her 1B appt until 11/17 and they will be closed when she starts her next period after that.

I've always been really happy with the care I have received there and think that Dr. N has impeccable bedside manner, but this time around I"m a little less impressed. I feel like they have grown too fast. We shouldn't be waiting almost 2 months to get appointments for consults when we're already patients (I also had to wait 6 weeks when I called for my FET consult).... And I don't like the way they are handling this move. I totally get that dates aren't set in stone with building moves having gone through a few in my jobs myself..... but they should have a protocol set and be communicating it a little more effectively. When I went for my consult in August, I went all the way through the appt, before the Financial Coordinator mentioned that they would be closed....And I'm sure I am not the only one trying to squeeze in treatments before the end of the year because of insurance.....And then there is the lovely letter about transporting the frozen embryo's..... really hope that's just a Cover Your as* move.... Can't help but be frustrated.

I totally agree about differences between going back for #2 and when I was there for DS (in 2011). It is so much different now. I feel like they are way overloaded with patients now and it feels like a baby making factory. Even morning bw is insane! If they're going to take on this many more patients, they need to hire some more staff. I just don't think they realize how you have your mind set on a timeline and getting in for treatment and to tell you "oh, you'll have to wait a month", it's actually a huge deal in our minds! I can see how you'd be totally frustrated!!
And what's the whole moving frozen embryo's letter?? Meaning those in storage? I haven't gotten anything from them besides a notice months ago that they will be moving in January.

Exactly. If you're going to push to grow, you need the staff to back it up. The radio commercials also do nothing to give me the warm and fuzzies

As for the letter, I got it in the mail last weekend. It explained how they are moving and will do everything possible to protect the frozen embryos but there is still a slight chance a container could thaw in the move. Like I said - better be nothing more than a cover your as$ move!

JBDamonM · September 2014

OMG!!!!!! You guys!!!!!!! (No, I did not get a miracle BFP - but next best thing.....) As many of you know - my dad passed away last month. Today is actually the one month anniversary of when I said goodbye to him. I was feeling so sad all day. After work I stopped at a jeweler, I had a gold bracelet of his from when he was overseas in the national guard. My mom had told me it was worth money so I was going to try and sell it. Low and behold - I got $1,500 for (Actually more but I have sisters who will share in the profit).... Can you believe it? My dad just paid for my FET, meds and then some. What an amazing, amazing gift. I feel like this was the clear sign I needed that its ok to go forward. The sales associate handed me a check and said "take a vacation"..... I could not even get out of there without crying.....and then I cried all the way to LOs daycare. And the crazy part is that I knew walking in there things were going to go well. You see when I was driving there, one huge leave fell so hard on my windshield that I literally jumped. What's weird about this is that on the day of my dads funeral, when DH was driving us home, we were stopped at a light when one random leaf started swirling through the air around our car. Neither time was it windy out. I am so full of emotion tonight, I actually talked to my dad about getting pregnant again before he passed. i had even asked him to hand pick a good one for me when he got to heaven and send him/her down, making today that much more amazing and healing for me....and most importantly - my pitty party can end!!! Thanks for listening to me ramble!!!

ccam · September 2014

Great story - and I totally believe in signs like that!! I'm so happy that you were given the money like that. Your Dad is totally watching over you guys right now

Oh and I literally laughed about the commercial comment - so true!! Still wondering why I havent received that letter yet, maybe I'll give them a call.

kmc84 · September 2014

Aww, now I'm crying! I love this update

Mayzie15 · September 2014

I got chills reading your post. Your dad really is watching over you. I too believe in signs and this definitely seems like a sign

mcgeeva · September 2014

Amazing!!

kbeach82 · September 2014

What a great update!

Mrs.AmyDylan · September 2014

I totally believe in signs. I think this is an amazing sign for a good upcoming FET!! Huge hugs!!

JBDamonM · September 2014

ccam said:

Great story - and I totally believe in signs like that!! I'm so happy that you were given the money like that. Your Dad is totally watching over you guys right now Oh and I literally laughed about the commercial comment - so true!! Still wondering why I havent received that letter yet, maybe I'll give them a call.

You don't have to take any action on the letter unless you want them moved, but if it were me I would still call. Dot my Is and cross my t's since apparently they are not

JBDamonM · September 2014

Thanks ladies! It's been a really hard month for me since my dad passed. I desperately needed that sign on Thursday

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