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February 2013 Moms
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Behavior in Older Children/ Any moms with children with ADHD please read

jenniferrabornjenniferraborn member
in February 2013 Moms
Moms with older children. What do you do to address their behavior?

The story: We have a 6 year old foster child that came to live with us July 8. He was previously prescribed medication for ADHD but had not been given it. So, when we got him he seemed fine and DFCS approved us not giving him the medication until we spoke with the prescribing physician. By the time we got an appointment he had been in school for a few weeks and was doing ok with some minor talking issues so the teacher / psychiatrist agreed that we could address them without meds. I understand that some kids need medication but I wanted to avoid it if at all possible. We had a few good weeks with all "green faces" (i.e. no incidents) and then the past few weeks have been really bad. Not listening/ talking / playing when he is supposed to be working / getting up from his desk etc. I have tried daily to address his behavior at home but I am at a loss as to what I should do. When he is here he listens and does what he is asked but when he is in a group situation he does not do well.

1. What do you do for discipline or rewards for older children?
2. Anyone with children on ADHD meds, how did you come to that decision? (granted since he is a foster child it is not my decision to make but we do have a lot of influence along with his teacher)
3. Do you discipline differently because they have ADHD? What I mean is we have done a sticker chart for rewards but for consequences my go to's seem counterproductive for a kid who has focus issues. i.e. making him sit still at home even more probably doesnt help during the school days

I am just frustrated and I feel like I am failing him but I really am trying to help him. Any and all advice is appreciated.
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Re: Behavior in Older Children/ Any moms with children with ADHD please read

  • brachysirabrachysira member
    My oldest is a Feb 13 baby, but I think the Special Needs board will be of great help.  What I can add is from the perspective of someone who has taught a lot of kids on ADHD meds.  First, teachers tend to love these meds, so listen to the teacher, but consider that she may be in favor of anything to make her job easier and may or may not be critical enough of the diagnosis.  Second, it seems many children with issues are given these drugs without much evaluation.  I taught in a program similar to Head Start, and many of the 3 year-olds in the class were on ADHD drugs, which I strongly oppose.  A 6 year-old is about as young as I would consider a diagnosis and drugs to be accurate, so if he's had the prescription longer, I would do more to get an appropriate evaluation.  Third, I have seen some kids (from 3rd-5th grade) become amazing students when on their drugs, and have terrible behavior issues when they forget to take them.  I wouldn't consider drugs as a universally terrible option if you feel like you have gotten enough evaluation and are comfortable with the diagnosis.  Classroom observation by a 3rd party might help.

    I would also say that a lot of kids start the year off great but sort of show their true colors once the year gets going.  That does not mean that any behavior issue is ADHD.  Does he get services at school?  I'm not sure this is something you can address at home.  Do what you can to work with the school and with other medical professionals, if you can, to better understand what is going on.
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  • jenniferrabornjenniferraborn member
    Right now he is not getting services at school. I didn't even think about the special needs board. That is a great idea.

    My Feb 13 baby is my only but we have had foster kids 1-8 yrs old in the past(currently a 2 yr old and a 6 yr old). Amazingly enough we have not had behavior issues in any of our older ones so I feel like I am in foreign territory. I think he was "good" for the beginning because 1. new school year and 2. he was still pretty new to us as well and was super trying to please. I just wonder if he is ABLE to self control then does he need the meds? I am willing to do whatever we need to to help him, I just did not want to jump straight to meds.  I thought maybe having a more structured environment was helping him at first but I think it might have just been a new environment in general was maybe a little scary or whatnot.

    I think at this point I am going to discuss with the teacher / caseworker about where to go from here.

    The tricky part is , he does not really misbehave here. BUT at the same time, most of the time here we do not have tasks that require him to focus very long you know?
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  • jenniferrabornjenniferraborn member
    @brachysira I know I don't post much but I lurk a lot. Congratulations on your little man! I know how tough a NICU stay can be and I know you are glad to have him home! I hope you heal quickly and your DD adjusts well :-)
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  • MalRiggsMalRiggs member
    Both my DS and I have ADD. Its very different for each person. He had trouble calming down, but once he gets there he's fine. My brain on the other hand is going 9000 different directions at once. My biggest recommendation is seeing a behavior therapist. They are so helpful. I have gotten alot of ideas for how to manage symptoms and also how to respond to my child (so I'm helpful, not seen and yelling). They are also very familiar with the many many different types of meds there are and can help direct you.

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  • draeraydraeray member
    edited September 2014
    Our 8 year old is ADHD. We adopted him right before he turned 6 so we weren't really sure what to expect. He was really behind in school, very impulsive, very combative during homework (wouldn't sit down to do it but would break down crying or screaming), he seemed like no matter what the consequences or rewards were he just couldn't follow any sort of simple direction---EVER.

    We hired tutors, we asked for an intervention at school and had him evaluated. After 2 years, we finally came to the conclusion that maybe some of this behavior we were experiencing wasn't going to be resolved with extra help, behavioral charts/rewards, etc. We were recommended by the school's physiologist and occupational therapist to start the process of maybe getting him on a some meds.

    We have been on a med for about 7 months now....It helps a lot. We didn't really want to go down that road but I got to tell you, things started getting so much better once we did. He has gone up on his reading level, he can complete his homework within a reasonable time, and we don't have so many breakdowns. He also seems to be able to follow multiple task requests as well.

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  • holly321holly321 member
    I have ADHD. I have never taken any medication, but honeslty, some days I think it would help. My dh has add and does take meds. I am also pretty confident my dd is ADHD, but she is still too young to be sure, IMO.

    I guess my advice would be to try all the options before starting medication. I do believe a lot of kids are over medicated, but that doesn't mean some kids don't need them.

    Also, I think that just because in a new environment, he was able to do so well at first does not imply he will continue to do so well.

    Is his diet free of food dyes? They can really hurt a child with add/ADHD
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