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Why aren't they around...

eg214eg214 member
in Single Parents
I know we can grow grey hairs wondering, but if you know or have a good idea...why isn't your BD around? 

I had to talk to MC today and put my anger towards him behind me. I wanted to blow stacks when he said "your child" and "my daughter." Kept talking about how he was trying to make sure we both had what we needed and all this other BS. I wanted to be like...WHY haven't you seen her? Why are you choosing to do all this, but not be around?!?! Drives me insane.

But I think I've just realized it cramps his style. I think that's why he has chosen not to be around. I really think it interferes with his dating life or something. None of it makes sense, it never has, and I know it never will. Just wondering if any of your BD's have said "Nah, I'm out...not my thing" or whatever...given you a reason.

I know in the end he is also doing this so when she comes to him and says WHY? he will say...I tried and your mom wouldn't let me. So typical.

PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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Re: Why aren't they around...

  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    I dont know why bd doesnt want b, and to be honest. It doesnt bother me anymore. Maybe it would bother me if he flip flopped about what his involvment is. But as it stands he wants nothing to do with b and im not going to try to force him it would just make me crazy.

    Thats also why i try not to sit and dwell on the why. Id make myself crazy going round and round with the whys and why nots
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  • freeatlast2014freeatlast2014 member
    Mine is still around but I can see his involvement slowly diminishing. I hope not though.
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  • eg214eg214 member
    @ontherock2012 That is my plan as well. I am dreading that day as well...and the time when she is older and it affects her. It's naive to think some way it won't...regardless if there is another wonderful daddy in her life. I hate it. I don't know what it's like to not know your dad or have your dad choose not to be around for life. My dad disappeared for about 6 months to a year while he was off with his mistress and to this day, it still pisses me off. Despite years of therapy and the whole thing. I think my dad sucks a big one for doing that. I am thankful I have tons of pictures of her father and I and know a little about him. He doesn't know much of anything about his dad and doesn't have a single picture of them together...which I guess E probably won't either...but at least she will have tons of her dad and I. I just wish I had an answer that made sense, I guess for me. I know I won't ever get it but it's just one of those things. Like, if he came to me and said look...I don't think I can be a good dad. Cool. Fine. But to do what he's doing just is mind boggling. I really think it's a girlfriend thing. I already told my mom, I dont give a fuck what anyone says and how "wrong" it might be, I will sabotage the shit out of his life/relationship if he thinks he is going to hide her existence his whole life. I do not want E knocking at his door one day and a woman answering the door and going WHO ARE YOU?!?!? I can't imagine that pain. No way man.

    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    @Eg214 your post about sabatoging his future relationships rubs me the wrong way. That statment makes you look the definition of tye stereotype of a "baby mama". Why would you put so much effort into sabatoging his hypothetical future relationship? Especially if he is totally uninvolved with E thats silly and childish.

    I have friends who are girls who have no contact with their biological fathers(and never have) they are wonderful successful well adjusted women who have wonderful relationships with their step(read adoptive) fathers. And honestly when e is older she will be able to be prepared for a sm who.doesnt know she exists.
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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    edited September 2014
    @eg214 Gently...I think you need to consider getting some counseling. It is not healthy for you to harbor so much anger toward your XH where it would drive you to the point of making sure to sabotage all of his relationships for the rest of his life. At some point you have to accept that, yep, he's a total asshole for abandoning his child. But that energy you're expending hating him can be channeled in more positive ways. He's missing out on an amazing experience by not being there for E...and she's better off without him in her life if that's who he is and how he's going to treat her.
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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    To answer your original question, my XH bailed on us when DD was 5 and she has suffered because she went from being "daddy's little princess" to having no dad, and I've had to shoulder that fallout 100% since my ex moved to another state. As for the why? Because he was a selfish prick. Which he now realizes and it torments him. I was so angry for so long and then I got some much needed help, which has made a world of difference because now I can use that energy to support DD and help her recover as she mourns the loss of that relationship.
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    I definitley agree that you need to speak with someone. About how you feel you need to sabotage your x and also how your still mad at your dad.

    Its not fair to your dad to be still holding it against him. Just like holding onto your anger towards your x isnt healthy for you or e.

    And after thinking about it, im more then glad bd isnt around. Hes controling and very homophobic, hes not a kind hard working man like my bf. Hes very cruel and now post military career is very lazy. I would rather my son learn how to be not just a good man but a good person from the people i put in his life.
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  • eg214eg214 member
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    PCOS // Loss 3/2010 // Single Mom // Natural Birth // DC Metro // Baby Girl Born 2/2/2014
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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    Okay bye felicia
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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    @becwheat


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  • jellybean529jellybean529 member
    edited September 2014
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  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    @eg214 - Wow.  Just wow.  It's not like anyone was being mean or anything.  You come here, post some pretty insane thing and then blow up and leave when we try to talk you down off the crazy. That's cool. Hope you get the help you so desperately need. Bye.

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  • MinnesotaMomma91MinnesotaMomma91 member
    also way to gbcb just because youve been called out and been given sound advice you didnt want to hear. So with that i give you... GIFS!

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