OT.....feeling a bit unsettled today

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

Some of you may know the history with my ex......yesterday I received a phone call from the "Pima County Courier's Office" I even repeated the company name to verify I understood the caller correctly. I did a search for the company and am finding no results. The caller was asking for my ex on my cellphone that is listed under dh's account....my name has changed twice since I left AZ. This call has left me unsettled, wondering how they put ex and my phone number together.....and how they would have found me but not ex, and why were they calling? Then there's the question in the back of my mind.....if these people could skip trace me how hard would it be for him to do so once he gets out?

stoneycakes · September 2014

Maybe your ex used your number on random stuff he filled out?

bumpuser9353653 · September 2014

Good point Stoney. Pipsqueak, has your phone number changed? If not, might be something to consider doing.

There's also a website called Spokeo that can find all kinds of personal info based on a name search. I want to say out uses public records, but not 100% sure. I think if you sign up, you can block your personal info from being searched.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

stoneycakes said:

Maybe your ex used your number on random stuff he filled out?

He has been in prison since 2009.......and will be there until 2017 at the earliest, 2019 at the latest (for current sentence) I got this cell number in 2011, so he doesn't have it........I'm not thinking he was behind the call - creditors are more likely, but it just makes me wonder how safe we will be in 2017 when he does get out and what we should be doing now to make it harder to track us down.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

Number was unavailable.....and no hits for the business name......that's part of what has me unsettled too, but I still think it was a creditor trying to track him down.....waiting to see if my parents get calls since we often listed them for the reference contact back then..... I wonder if when we move if getting a PO box and using that for everything that requires an address would help.

sarenu1 · September 2014

If your social security number hasn't been changed, the information may have been tracked by that.

I worked for the state and tracked someone down through their tax forms. Their name and address had changed, but the SSN did not.

freezorburn · September 2014

I don't know about any of this stuff ... but I hope you can figure out what is going on so that you can feel safe again.

BoothBaby · September 2014

I have no advice, but just wanted to say <<hugs>>. I don't know your back story, but just based on the info you shared, I would be unsettled too. I'm sorry that happened.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

sarenu1 said:

If your social security number hasn't been changed, the information may have been tracked by that.

I worked for the state and tracked someone down through their tax forms. Their name and address had changed, but the SSN did not.

That's not something the average person has the ability to track by, is it? Maybe I'm in denial, but I keep thinking he won't be able to afford a PI as he will have to pay back child support, plus pre-existing debt (the divorce made paying the debts spousal support), plus he will have to pay for the sex offender GPS monitoring, plus find a job and housing......at least 2of those 3 items will be wage garnishments. I would hope that any legit PI would refuse to aid a felon track down the ones that put him in prison.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

rugbymama said:

Good point Stoney. Pipsqueak, has your phone number changed? If not, might be something to consider doing. There's also a website called Spokeo that can find all kinds of personal info based on a name search. I want to say out uses public records, but not 100% sure. I think if you sign up, you can block your personal info from being searched.

Okay, that site is creepy. I had looked at it a couple years ago and wasn't found at my current location but now I am.

sarenu1 · September 2014

PipSqueak0313 said:

sarenu1 said:

If your social security number hasn't been changed, the information may have been tracked by that.

I worked for the state and tracked someone down through their tax forms. Their name and address had changed, but the SSN did not.

That's not something the average person has the ability to track by, is it? Maybe I'm in denial, but I keep thinking he won't be able to afford a PI as he will have to pay back child support, plus pre-existing debt (the divorce made paying the debts spousal support), plus he will have to pay for the sex offender GPS monitoring, plus find a job and housing......at least 2of those 3 items will be wage garnishments. I would hope that any legit PI would refuse to aid a felon track down the ones that put him in prison.

I would hope that the average person couldn't do this. He doesn't have any paperwork with your SSN number on it or the kids?

I would be more afraid of him using those numbers to track you or the kids down.

nanabanana06 · September 2014

Do you have a restraining order against him? I don't know all of the details, but I know when I had gone through my rape back in HS part of his sentence was a RO. He couldn't come remotely near me or it would be back to jail for a long long time again. If you don't have one of those you might consider getting one for when he is released.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

I made off with the copies of our old tax returns.....but I don't know if he had USAF papers that had our SSNs. I know we're on Facebook......and the kids know not to put any pics of themselves as their avatars. I am thinking that in the not too distant future we will have to deactivate social media. Speaking of FB....@mapleme .....or someone else who knows my FB name.....pm me with what info you can see on my fb page.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

nanabanana06 said:

Do you have a restraining order against him? I don't know all of the details, but I know when I had gone through my rape back in HS part of his sentence was a RO. He couldn't come remotely near me or it would be back to jail for a long long time again. If you don't have one of those you might consider getting one for when he is released.

I did have one for each of the kids the year between his arrest and when he finally pled guilty.....whole lot of good they did the kids since the school refused to notify parents when they were removing students from the school building...i.e. they took dd's class to the county courthouse and first I heard of it was when dd talked about her day that evening.....and the school considered it a violation of privacy for the teachers/chaperones to have knowledge of the existence of the RO......the judge didn't consider him a threat to me so he refused to issue one for me. I spoke to the school superintendent about the issue even and the general response was "You're the only parent that has ever complained so we're not listening." After that, I spoke to all teachers and made sure the kids had a copy in their possession at all times. So happy to be out of that f'd up school district. I don't recall seeing anything issuing a RO in his sentence either....so I'm not sure if they figured us moving out of state was sufficient or what.

abby8279 · September 2014

Ok Spokeo just creeped me out! All I did was put in my name and an aerial shot of my house came up almost immediately. WTF internet!

Sorry to hear about how shaken up you are pipsqueak. Hope you get that call figured out. I am hoping for you it was just a debt collector.

freezorburn · September 2014

PM sent.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

Thanks @freezorburn‌ .

flummadiddle85 · September 2014

PipSqueak0313 said:

nanabanana06 said:

Do you have a restraining order against him? I don't know all of the details, but I know when I had gone through my rape back in HS part of his sentence was a RO. He couldn't come remotely near me or it would be back to jail for a long long time again. If you don't have one of those you might consider getting one for when he is released.

I did have one for each of the kids the year between his arrest and when he finally pled guilty.....whole lot of good they did the kids since the school refused to notify parents when they were removing students from the school building...i.e. they took dd's class to the county courthouse and first I heard of it was when dd talked about her day that evening.....and the school considered it a violation of privacy for the teachers/chaperones to have knowledge of the existence of the RO......the judge didn't consider him a threat to me so he refused to issue one for me. I spoke to the school superintendent about the issue even and the general response was "You're the only parent that has ever complained so we're not listening." After that, I spoke to all teachers and made sure the kids had a copy in their possession at all times. So happy to be out of that f'd up school district. I don't recall seeing anything issuing a RO in his sentence either....so I'm not sure if they figured us moving out of state was sufficient or what.

What?! That seems crazy.... and a huge liability for the district. Like, wouldn't they be in huge trouble if a kid got hurt or something? Any district I've worked in, that would basically be a field trip, with a form sent home and everything...

As far as the SSN, I don't remember where I heard/read it, but I don't think SSNs are quite as secure/random as people may think. I don't think they were intended to be used the way they are now. Maybe getting new ones wouldn't hurt. It may be a big headache tho.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

stringy813 said:

Sorry you are going through this. Did you ever have joint credit? My ex (not married) and I had a joint cell phone. And a year after we broke up I ran my own credit report an an address in PA came up for something. Well it was her new address cuz somehow we were linked or something. We didn't go methodically through removing all traces of each other as I assume you did so it may not be the same. But it kinda freaked her out that I could see it when I told her.

Yeah, we were married for almost 17 years.....lots of joint accounts. I made the mistake of allowing dd to keep the cell phone under ex's plan back in 2008. He let us know he knew our new landline number - that freaked us out enough that we moved and changed numbers....and listed the landline under my great grandmother's father's name. Not sure how you can remove all traces of one party to a joint account......

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

Mapleme said:

Interestingly Spokeo hasn't figured out my married name yet. I haven't gotten around to switching on financial statements or mortgages yet, so I'm guessing that's why. My address is probably based on my town's grand list (which still has my maiden name). Honestly this stuff is the reason that I don't worry too much about my privacy (obviously I'm not in Pip's situation). I just assume that my information is all already out there and protect myself accordingly.

I wonder now if they just have a lag in information......the last time I had looked was about 1-2 years after I got married and they had dh living with his deceased first wife (and she died a couple years before he moved to this state).......so I got a bit complacent about checking things like that.

stoneycakes · September 2014

Not to freak you out, but if you were married that long it's entirely possible he knows your social by heart. I know my DH's because I do the taxes every year and it eventually stuck in my head.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

stoneycakes said:

Not to freak you out, but if you were married that long it's entirely possible he knows your social by heart. I know my DH's because I do the taxes every year and it eventually stuck in my head.

That thought has crossed my mind since I do know his....but since he was USAF and I had to recite it just to make a dr appointment for myself or my kids, among other things, I always hoped he never bothered to remember mine or the kids'

flummadiddle85 · September 2014

stoneycakes said:

Not to freak you out, but if you were married that long it's entirely possible he knows your social by heart. I know my DH's because I do the taxes every year and it eventually stuck in my head.

That's true... I know DH's by heart as well. We have only been married 3 years for that matter too.

candlequeen · September 2014

I'm so sorry you're going through this. If you need talk please pm me. My ex is effed up as well but your situation is definitely worse

i hope you figure it out soon and feel protected again

unaveragejane · September 2014

I am sorry you are going through this, Pip! I agree with @flummadiddle85‌ that it's crazy your old school system would take kids anywhere w/o parent permission. And to ignore a restraining order?! That's definitely not the norm at schools I've worked in. At my last school, the principal even helped one mom escape her abusive ex who showed up at an evening assembly. She and several teachers pulled their cars up to the closest entrance, bundled up the mom and daughter, shuffled them into a car really quickly, and then all drove off in different directions so he didn't know who to follow. It was very Mission Impossible.

PipSqueak0313 · September 2014

unaveragejane said:

I am sorry you are going through this, Pip! I agree with @flummadiddle85‌ that it's crazy your old school system would take kids anywhere w/o parent permission. And to ignore a restraining order?! That's definitely not the norm at schools I've worked in. At my last school, the principal even helped one mom escape her abusive ex who showed up at an evening assembly. She and several teachers pulled their cars up to the closest entrance, bundled up the mom and daughter, shuffled them into a car really quickly, and then all drove off in different directions so he didn't know who to follow. It was very Mission Impossible.

My older kids attended many schools......my dh's sister is a retired elementary school principal....his other sister was a teacher.....dh and I agree that school district is totally dysfunctional. It's the only school I have ever filed a complaint against with the state DOE, for a totally unrelated matter. Sadly, the doctors in town even recommended transferring kids out of the school district when they wound up needing medical attention as a result of bullying. Anyway, I'm still feeling a little off balance today but not nearly as bad as the previous day and a half. I suppose it's good to get jolted now and then to keep personal safey higher on the mind.

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