Vent about inappropriate email

CageyMack · September 2014

Hi!
After being laid off in January, I found a great job and was hired in August. Last week, I was officially welcomed during a large meeting, which is kind of a big deal (boss makes speech, they give me a present, I stand up, etc.).

So last night I get cc'd on an email from a coworker I consider to be a friend. The email is to my boss and is a huge, inappropriate tirade about how my title is "wrong," how it got changed someone in the hiring process. Just so you get the tone, the subject was "When?" and it ended with, "Where's the collaboration?"

Wow. This is someone I hang out with, have dinner with, etc. The email is sent to my boss. My friend was on the hiring committee, so involved in this stuff, so I can understand a little frustration, but the whole thing just reeks of him drinking and emailing. I got it a around 10pm.

Thankfully my boss fired of a quick and professional response that the email sender saw the hire letters and knew the new title was being used, based on my high level of qualification. The sender even stood up with me last week as part of the team that worked the job until they found me.

I think this has more to do with a power struggle and turf war between my friend and my boss, but it really smacks me in the face. I feel he should know the impact of this type of email. It is incredibly rude and it undermines our relationship. I feel hurt and angry that he is advocating for a "lower" title to my face.

I took the overnight time to mull it over. He is kind of a patriarchal jerk sometimes, but I let it slide mostly because I think he has a good heart. This email makes me think he is an entitled jerk who likes to throw his weight around. Not that I'd say that to him.

Because I'm a grown-up and a professional.

Pardon typos, I don't have my glasses on.

What would you do? What would you say? TIA!

shakinros · September 2014

Yep. Remain professional in the office but give this jerk the cold shoulder socially.

Pips09 · September 2014

Exactly as PPs have said. Your boss has handled it professionally, but I'd distance yourself from him socially.

catahoulatte · September 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

I agree.

I'd be the bigger person and ignore.

But I'd also distance myself from him a bit as it doesn't sound like he's truly on your side 100%

Exactly. This is not someone I'd ever want to have dinner with or consider a friend.

VitaLuna · September 2014

What a crappy thing to do! Like everyone else said, I wouldn't comment on it and keep it professional in the office, but I'd absolutely distance myself some from him socially. He sounds like a jerk that I wouldn't want to voluntarily spend my free time with (lunches, etc).

MommyAtty · September 2014

If it comes up in conversation, I would just say, "If you felt that way, I wish you had let me know privately before sending it to my boss." Then just let it go. But, yeah, this guy isn't your friend. And he should probably put away his computer before he starts drinking. I have a total asshole coworker who does stuff like this. First time I got one of these rants, our old boss told me the jerk most certainly has issues with alcohol and to ignore any email he sends after 10:00 pm.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

Print it off and keep it. I would want documentation in case he later tries to start shit to get you in trouble or to harass you. I don't trust archiving emails as our system constantly loses them.

74dragonfly · September 2014

Im sorry that sucks. it sounds like your boss is great person who handled it well. I would say something to the person "I wish you had something to me directly". and then i'd distance myself. And I am sorry to say you now know he is no true friend.

CageyMack · September 2014

Thanks, all.

Yeah, going with the "print it and forget it." No good can come of anything I might say, however well-intentioned it may be. If he is that kind of person, there is little or nothing I can do to change him.

The funny thing is it isn't even directed to me. He just writes like I'm not seeing it.

Oh, well. Water under the bridge now . . .

VOR · September 2014

CageyMack said:

He just writes like I'm not seeing it.

Well, if he was drinking, he may not realize he included you as a recipient. Have you ever done that? About to write an email about someone (good or bad!) and because you're thinking of them, you put their name in the "to" field instead of the person you actually mean to send it too?

I wouldn't be surprised...

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