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What to say to a friend struggling with IF

E&B0811E&B0811 member
in Pregnant after a Loss
Help please!

I have a friend that recently received the tough dx of MFI due to very low (practically nonexistent) sperm count. She has been reaching out for someone to listen and sort of lament to but I really don't know what to say other than "that sucks" or "I am so sorry". Her H is anti donor sperm and they are overwhelmed with the potential costs associated with ivf. They could do one cycle but past that they'd have to take on some serious debt and that's not something they are comfortable with right now. So, ultimately they are looking at being CFNBC. She hasn't brought up adoption so I'm not going to either.

So, I want to be supportive but I really don't know what to say. I listen when she wants to talk and try to just affirm her feelings rather than say things like "have you considered" or something similarly dismissive.

Any insight or ideas? also, would it be appropriate to XP this on the PgAIF or other IF board??

image

Pregnancy Ticker

BFP 5/19/2013. MC 7/2/2013 (9w6d) with est. loss at 8w. Miso 7/3/2013 and emergency D & C 7/6/2013.

BFP#2 11/6/2013.  CP 11/14/2013.  

BFP #3 12/13/2013.  Beta #1 @ 15dpo- 239. Progesterone 27.  Beta #2 @17dpo - 90.  CP 12/21/2013

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  -Philippians 4:6-7

All PgAL and PAL welcome.

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Re: What to say to a friend struggling with IF

  • rox825rox825 member
    This is another good resource, https://www.resolve.org/support/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html.  Without going through the experience of infertility it's impossible to empathize (and unsolicited advice is never good), but you can do exactly what you said in your post- listen to her and acknowledge her feelings.  And just generally be a shoulder to cry on, she may just want to vent to someone.  You're so considerate for asking for advice, sounds like she has a great friend!  I think it'd be fine to post on PAIF if you want some more feedback.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
    Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
    Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
    Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!

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  • chicagojackiechicagojackie member
    I think you're doing fine. Keep just being supportive. Don't overdo it.
    BFP #1: It's a GIRL! DD born October, 2012
    BFP #2: m/c at 7w, February, 2014
    BFP #3: It's a BOY! Please be our rainbow! Due February, 2015
    *everyone always welcome*
     image
    image    image   image
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  • Denise91980Denise91980 member
    I don't think there is a right thing to say, but there are more things not to say. Just being there for her. Not sure where she lives but some IVF clinics do research studies which she may want to look into. Sometimes they are free or you may only have OOP for meds.
    image

    BFP #1 1/1/11 EDD 9/10/11 dx:no hb DNC on 2/2/11
    BFP #2 12/28/11 natural m/c on 2/6/12   BFP#3 2/16/13 dx:ectopic on 2/27 (given methotrexate) HSG 6/13-all clear BFP#4 11/18/13 natural m/c on 11/23  IVF #1 (Natural IVF Cycle) May 2014- Cycle failed (embryo did not make it to blast) BFP#5-7/26/14 GROW BABY GROW    IT'S A BOY DUE 4/5/15!

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