What to do??

Nikkimax120 · September 2014

My partner and I have been together for 5 years. I was a single mom before then and my daughter is 7. I've always wanted 2 kids and sometimes he'll listen to the idea but mostly he says each family should only have one especially ours. His reasons are 1. He doesn't want my daughter to feel like we don't love her the most. 2. He things the world is over populated and many babies don't have parents and that we shouldn't bring another person into the world. He doesn't like the idea of adoption 3. He doesn't think we have enough money. I can understand where he comes from, BUT I'm maternal. I've always wanted 2 kids and I had my daughter when I was 19. Was single the entire time as the father and I broke up (after he cheated on me again) 2 weeks before I found out I was 6 weeks pregnant. The pregnancy was great, but it was lacking love and was surrounded by a lot of hurt and being scared for being so young. I finally have found the man that I love and that has accepted my beautiful daughter as his own, but I can't help but want to have just one more and have a happy experience and share that experience with the man that I love. I think about this all day and every time I find out someone is pregnant I'm ecstatic, but I always have to hold back my grief that I might not ever get that happy feeling. I feel so guilty I didn't feel that for my daughter due to my fear and the circumstance.

Am I wrong? Is this a deal breaker? What should I do? Is he right? Should I just get over it? Help! Thank you!

mamab3ar · September 2014

You can't force him into wanting to have children. I understand the not agreeing with adoption, my husband has strong feelings against it because of personal reasons (I personally am not opposed). Anyway, I wouldn't say you are really wrong but neither is he. You can't really be wrong on the number of children you personally want.

As far as it being a deal break that is entirely on you, no one can tell you whether you can be okay with having just one child.

It's really something you need to take a long hard look at and speak to him about.

ashiscute · September 2014

Your both right for yourselves. His reasons are his reasons even if you don't agree and your reasons are yours. It would be a dealbreaker for me personally but that doesn't mean it will be for you. You need to decide if having another baby (which is no way guaranteed) would be worth leaving the relationship you've been in for 5 years and looking for another partner who wants what you want. I'm just sort of confused how you got 5 years into a relationship with someone who emphatically wants something different than you.

Weezy56 · September 2014

There is really nothing you can do. It seems he has already made it clear he is not interested in more kids. Only you can decide if it's a deal breaker or not.

FemShep · September 2014

There is no right or wrong here. You want what you want. Your partner wants something different. And in a decision this big, there's no compromise, unfortunately.

You need to decide if your desire for another child outweighs your happiness in this relationship. If yes, end the relationship. If no, accept that you will only have one amazing child.

lifeonthehill · September 2014

I agree with all the PP. Personally for me this would be a deal breaker. H jokes that I talked about babies a year before we brought up marriage. I needed to know the we were on a similar page before things got too serious.

There is not right or wrong here and it is a personal choice but like others have said you can't force him into wanting another child and it would wrong to do so. I would hate to have a baby with a man who didn't want it.

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