December 2014 Moms
Eora3
member
"Lemon Clot Essay" aka guests after delivery? Long
Eora3
member
I know a lot of us are making plans regarding guests and family members coming to visit around our due dates and after baby is born. I was lucky enough to have been linked to this post during my first pregnancy and wanted to share it. While a bit graphic, it does bring up some good points to consider.
Note: This was written as a response to a forum post regarding a DH insisting that his parents be allowed to come stay with the expecting couple for an extended period of time starting on the due date. Obviously, this "essay" was based on one woman's post partum experiences.
The Lemon Clot Essay (by Sharon1964)
You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your father's parents see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge bloodclot coming out"... in front of them? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized?
How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it.
Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding.
Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you.
When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your dh think it will be okay for his dad to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless?
What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap?
Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??
Note: This was written as a response to a forum post regarding a DH insisting that his parents be allowed to come stay with the expecting couple for an extended period of time starting on the due date. Obviously, this "essay" was based on one woman's post partum experiences.
The Lemon Clot Essay (by Sharon1964)
You will be leaking out of places you don't want to leak out of. Do you really want to stand up from the couch and have your father's parents see that not only have you bled through your pad, but the blood is now running down your leg. Do you really want to say, "honey, can you come with me to the bathroom, I am bleeding all over and I feel a huge bloodclot coming out"... in front of them? Contrast that to "mom, I need your help please, now, I'm bleeding all over!" Does your husband really understand the volume of stuff that will be coming out of you, the possibility of lemon-sized clots of blood? Not 2-dimensional lemon-sized, but huge, round, 3-dimensional lemon-sized?
How many bathrooms do you have? If only one, do you REALLY want to have to make it "guest-level clean" every time you leave it? Do you really want this gang of people ogling your diaper-sized pads, peribottle, tucks pads, and all the other supplies that will be in the bathroom? Even if you have two bathrooms, that means you can't use the main bathroom, because you still have to leave it "guest-level clean" every time you use it.
Do they really plan to do something other than hold the baby, pass the baby around, and sit around expecting you guys to wait on them? Are they going to sit and stare at you? Thirty minutes after they arrive, and baby wants to breastfeed, are they going to quickly and willingly LEAVE your home so that you can breastfeed in the privacy and comfort of your space? Or are they going to hang around outside, waiting for you to be done, and knocking every so often wanting to know if they can come back in? Yeah, that's great for breastfeeding.
Or better yet, are they going to blow you off, saying "it's no big deal", and expect you to breastfeed in front of them? Even experienced moms need several weeks of practice to get good at it, so to speak, so that they can breastfeed wherever they want. Learning to breastfeed is not a time for people to ogle and stare at you.
When your breasts are engorged and painful and you want NOTHING to touch them, what then? Does your dh think it will be okay for his dad to stare at your huge naked breasts as you walk around topless?
What if your birth is smack in the middle of their trip? So what are they going to do the first few days, before baby? Are they going to sit and stare at you, waiting for the big moment? Then what? Are they going to camp out in your hospital room every day, all day? Yeah, that's great for resting. What happens when you leave the hospital and they beat you to your own home, and all you want to do is lay down in your own bed? Are they going to leave graciously, or are they going to sit in your living room, eating your food, messing up your house, and making noise, so you can't nap?
Does your DH understand ANY of these things?? Does he not understand that it is NOT about entertaining guests, but about recovery from a major medical procedure (either vaginal or c-section)? Does he not understand that you just grew another human being in your body, and will have just gone through the process of getting it out?? This is going to be an exhausting, messy, wildly hormonal time. Does he not get that??
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Lemon Clot Essay" aka guests after delivery? Long
Eta: not that I wouldn't like MILs help, but that she's not helpful at all
bfp#4 3/19/2014 edd 12/1/2014 please let this be the one!
beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
As far as what to expect, ask your OB to go over the basics with you at your next appointment.
You might have some "bloody show" when/if you lose your mucous plug before you go into labor. But you probably won't have actual bleeding before your water breaks. FYI your water may not break at the beginning of labor (it is actually really rare). Ask your OB what labor signs to be looking out for.
Bleeding post partum: it is different for everyone but it is not unusual to bleed for several weeks after giving birth. Your body has to clear out all the extra stuff left over. It is different from a normal period. Clots are normal (I never had any lemon sized but I definitely had some big ones). Breastfeeding will often delay your first true period but your body will still clear out after birth. Breastfeeding will also cause your uterus to contract (uncomfortable but good for recovery).
It is pretty gross. Stock up on extra "overnight" pads, some women prefer to go right for the Depends in order to avoid risking leaks.
I hope everyone does what's right for them and doesn't let anyone make them feel bad for doing it. Birthing a baby is a hard job and you need to feel comfortable in your own house when you come home.
~after 34 cycles we finally got our 2nd little bundle of joy~
My IF blog
Lol, I always get irrationally pissed at my postpartum bleeding. I have effing Csections, that sucker is cleaned manually, shouldn't they have taken care of all of that crap!? If my OB was my housekeeper he would be fired
I have special "yucky" towels for sitting on/sleeping on after
I'm not hungry, I'm HUUUNNNNNGGGRRRRRYYYY! NOW!
Dec 2014 Dec Siggy, Free For All
Big E- 2008
Miss M- 2011
Baby Z- 2012
Baby Smoosh, Due Dec 2014
I just hope that the dynamics of my future daughter in laws allow for me to be involved. No, I don't expect to watch them give birth but I sure hope we have a nice relationship where they WANT me to be around. At least I'm learning how not to be from my lovely(not) MIL!!
Speak up Mommas - tell someone to leave - you are in charge - if you need space, say so. If you don't want someone staying at your home, say so. But respect that people are excited and don't know your needs/wants until you voice them.
Couple summers ago on July 3rd DF busted his head on a rock while swimming. Had to get 15 staples and cousins were still texting about coming to bbq the next day. Um, no, want to have throbbing brains in peace...
As for the smell, there is something "off" about it the first week or so but if you bathe regularly and change your pad I think you'll be okay.
I have no problems giving DH the get rim of your mom look or giving her the go away look. I really wish no one would come to the hospital because it makes trying to BF awkward. But i cant shun anyone because it means a lot to MH to show his baby off. He's very much a people person and I am not. But he does at least compromise and gently escort people out if I need him to.
Married: 5/21/05 **~** Emery Aylin 6/30/12
BFP#1-11/5/10- Surgery for ectopic pregnancy 11/15/10 BFP#2-11/1/11 Due 7/8/12 Born 6/30/12
Oops we did it again... BFP 03/23/14 Due 12/6/14 Nora Born 11/23/14
After I had my daughter I had a few family members stay with us, including my mom of course, and no one made me feel uncomfortable. No one expected to be entertained. They were there to help us out. I was able to talk feely about my aches, pains, leaks, stitches, and all that with them. When it was time to BF, was comfortable
telling them I needed to BF and going into my room. No one cared about the ginormous pads, peri bottles and minor mess in the bath room.
Maybe I was lucky?
Let me start by just saying I definately agree that MILs can be extremely obnoxious and overbearing. With my ex MIL she didnt miss a thing. She came back to visit me while I was in active labor, which at the time I just wanted to be left alone until the baby was here and the pain was gone, she "patted" my head and talked about wanting to take the pain from me. All good intentions I know but VERY annoying at the time. However, I just dealt with it and like the contractions it passed.
Fast forward to my fiancee's mother. She did not even make an attempt to come to the hospital to see our DS. (she has also never been to our house or our DS first birthday) Which for me I was ok with because she is very self centered and I just didnt want to deal with it, BUT seeing the heartbreak on my fiancee's face because his mother is selfish and wouldnt come let him show off his son was aweful.
I guess what I am saying is yes your are going through a lot, yes your are going to bleed, leak, sweat, hurt, and be a little miserable for a little bit. However, this is a very exciting time and whether it is your first baby or your tenth baby everyone wants to be involved. Plus this is a big day for your husband, SO, boyfriend, fiancee also. Trust me seeing him excited is much better than hurt during this time.
Oh and as far as the bleeding and all that this is my 4th baby and I have NEVER passed a lemon sized clot holy hell I would freak out if I did. LOL You FTMs will be so excited to have baby here all this stuff will seem like nothing. Sorry this was so long
D14 December siggy Free for all
DD born 12/07/04
DS1 born 11/07/06
Angel baby Addy 12/03/11 due to MTHFR
DS2 born 01/29/13
DS3 due 12/26/14