Silly FTM Question: Post Delivery

Chcaggie1 · September 2014

This will probably sound silly to those of you that have been through childbirth before, but I have never experienced it. Today I've been thinking about breast feeding and the immediate skin to skin contact that is recommended (and I think) pretty standard in most hospitals now. I'm visualizing and daydreaming about what the process will be like. Who will be in the room, how hubby and I will feel etc. Thinking about meeting our sweetie makes me super excited. But the more I think about it, I'm wondering if dads tend to feel a little left out in the hours immediately following delivery? From what I'm reading, the baby is delivered, dad cuts the cord, baby is quickly wiped down and put in moms arms for skin to skin contact for about 2 hours (hopefully breastfeeding some of that time). Will my husband have to wait two whole hours to hold the baby or are dads included on the skin to skin contact?? That seems like it would be torture for him. I mean I've had the opportunity to bond with and feel our baby grow for nine months and now that the baby is delivered, he still won't get any time right away. What have you ladies experienced in the past and how do you keep the new dad involved so he doesn't feel like he's an outsider watching all the excitement during delivery?

PS. Just so you know these are all my personal thoughts. My husband has been very engaged during pregnancy and has not expressed any concerns about what happens immediately following delivery. And also I know he will have many many months and years to catch up on the first two hours he may miss of holding the baby but I'm more concerned about those first few hours right now. :-)

Dani_Love · September 2014

He can do skin to skin as well :-) dh cut the cord but I did not get to hold my baby for hours recovering from a c section and she was in the nursery. I'd start skin to skin, try to breast feed then let dh do skin to skin after.

jennjilljo · September 2014

I didn't get to hold DS right away. They wanted to ensure everything was ok because we had a myconium in the amniotic fluid scare and they wanted to get him under the jaundice light right away for some reason. I never quarried it because they wouldn't have done it if it wasn't necessary. When I finally got skin to skin bonding time DH sat next to me in the bed and he was able to rub DS's back and physically be involved. The nurses weren't there so if he had wanted to take his shirt off and hold DS he could have easily.

jaztastic · September 2014

FTM, but Ive been in a lot of deliveries. It really depends on how the birth goes, and the hospital. I have yet to encounter a dad where they had to wait 2hrs to hold baby. In a few situations, usually C-sections, dad was the first to hold baby.

WanderingA · September 2014

My situation was a little unique because the birth center doesn't take the baby from you at all (no measurements, no bath, nothing) for the first few hours unless there is a medical emergency. I delivered her and she was immediately placed on my chest. She stayed on me as I delivered the placenta, they cut the cord and they checked me for tearing. After they checked her latch to make sure she was getting milk they left us alone for the next few hours. In that time I had DH, my mother and my MIL all hold her. I would think that any facility that is pro skin-to-skin will let you make your own judgement call.

MommyOfAMiracle · September 2014

I'm a FTM and know nothing of the sort. But this post just made me really excited. Tee Hee. Can't wait to hold our LO's. :x

Oem617 · September 2014

Its so hard to remember cause it all happens so fast and I was wiped. I know besides some nurses, it was just me and DH in the room. The baby was on my chest almost imediately after he was born. They would wipe him while he was on me. DH was there right beside me the whole time. I remember nursing him very soon and I don't think it was too long before DH held him. DH never felt left out at all.

ordinary1 · September 2014

H cut the cord then he held her. He then gave me Annabelle. I held her for a second then gave her back. She was then cleaned and h held her while I was stitched up. She was then looked at by nurses since she wasn't really crying. Then I fed and an hour later my family came in.

tee18 · September 2014

It's a blur, but after baby was born, DH was really attentive to me (I was STARVING - SOMEONE GET ME A SANDWICH lol) and followed the baby around the room for weight and measurements, etc. Baby did do skin to skin with me and tried nursing. I think he may have held him in there too, but honestly I don't remember. There was a bit of activity in the room still, so I don't think DH felt left out or anything. He was a little stunned too about what he just saw so he was just taking it all in. Oh yeah, he was taking pictures too.

He did LOTS of holding and bonding once we were in the recovery room. He did all the diaper changes (he had never changed a diaper before and suddenly was a pro) and helped the nurses when they took vitals, and went with him whenever they needed to take him out of the room.

AF9211 · September 2014

jaztastic said:

FTM, but Ive been in a lot of deliveries. It really depends on how the birth goes, and the hospital. I have yet to encounter a dad where they had to wait 2hrs to hold baby. In a few situations, usually C-sections, dad was the first to hold baby.

Yep...this was my experience. I got to see DD after she was born at 10:30 but DH was actually the one who got to hold her. After my surgery I was whisked away to recovery for 3 hours and didn't get to actually see or hold DD until they brought her back from the nursery around 2:30.

sincerelyapril · September 2014

MommyOfAMiracle said:

I'm a FTM and know nothing of the sort. But this post just made me really excited. Tee Hee. Can't wait to hold our LO's. :x

Me too! It's making we weepy. :x

mamabisme · September 2014

I had a csection as well. With mine, as soon as she was out she was wiped down a little and handed to DH who got to bring her to me. We held her together until we were all taken to my recovery room. I nursed immediately in recovery (all rooms are private at my hospital so it was just the nurse, DH, baby and I). I nursed and did skin to skin for the hour I was in recovery, then we were taken to the "regular," room where we were for the next 2 days.

mamabumkin · September 2014

My ex was not overly eager to hold either of the children for the first few hours. I think it was well after they had had their bath and were all bundled up when he held them for a little while. He didn't stay over night with me either as he went back to work the next day and wanted to get a good nights sleep. Of course this just reflects the relationship we had and why he's my ex.

My DH on the other hand will be far different I think with this baby. This is his first child and he really wanted to have kids. In his previous relationship his ex had fertility issues so he had resigned himself to the idea he'd never have kids. When we got together and I said I would have no problem having another child with him, he was over the moon. 11 months after we married we got a BFP. He's been very involved, going to ever visit, even watching birthing videos with me. He doesn't want to cut the cord as he may just pass out doing it...lol ...but he wants to be right there with me and baby snuggling if he can.

I think the hospital we are going to end up at has a much more relaxed birthing center. I'm not sure how I will end up giving birth, in a tub or on a stool, but either way he's going to be right there and have access to touching or holding the baby in the first two hours with me. It might be good for his hormones too, since he's been experience sympathetic pregnancy problems with me for the past 6 weeks or so.

My first two pregnancies were 15 and 13 years ago, so things have changed in the hospitals since then. So I am not sure how much of the old ways have been abandoned...like I only had my daughter tossed on to my stomach for a few moments while the cord was cut and they immediately took her away to get cleaned off. They didn't bring her back until I was all stitched up, placenta had been birthed, and I had my sheets and gown changed. It was probably a good hour after having her that I got to hold her. With my son, I got about ten minutes with him before they took him to clean him off, weigh him, and do all the stuff they do to babies in the hospital. I didn't get to try breast feeding either of them for a good couple hours after they were born. Which could have been part of why I had such trouble with breast feeding with both of them.

All I can say is at least they don't strap us mothers down any more during delivery. My mother had that happen when she had me in 1980.

t8keepr03 · September 2014

Once DD was born she was put on me while my DH cut the cord. She was then wrapped up and put on me for a little bit while I delivered the placenta and the doctor worked on stiching. While he finished stitching me up DH watched the nurses take all DD vitals and then he held her for a good bit. He gave her back to me and I pretty much held her until we moved into a postpartum room. After that it was a blur because people kept visiting. DH didn't feel left out because he knew I just have birth and was sort of in shock of what he just saw haha

MrsTucker2011 · September 2014

After having the baby, they layed him on my chest while they cleaned me up. Then they wiped DS off a little while he was still laying on me. After taking his weight and measurements they gave him to DH to hold. After holding him for a little bit, DH gave him back (because he didn't eat because he felt bad I couldn't, so he was super shaky! Haha) I then did more skin to skin and nursed for the first time. The 3 of us got to cuddle for a while, and DH got to rub DS's back and hand. I don't feel like DH got left out at all.

ckimberley14 · September 2014

I had a CS and didn't get to hold or nurse until I was in recovery. I was really out of it, as other PPs have mentioned, so I'm not really sure how long I waited until the nurses brought the girls in for skin-to-skin and BF. I know from pics that DH held both babies after they were cleaned up and swaddled. I was too out of it to safely hold them then, so we had pics of him holding them beside my head. He told me he cut Summer's cord but not Scarlett's. He was very involved throughout the process, though, it seems, and he was more concerned about me than getting skin-to-skin with the girls once I was in recovery.

krispy83 · September 2014

DS was put on my chest immediately after delivery while he was wiped down, etc. DH cut the cord and helped to wipe him down. The nurses took DS just to weigh him and get measurements and DH went and held his hand the whole time (the pics of it are absolutely heart-melting) and then held him for a bit while I was stitched up. DS nursed for a bit and we passed him back and forth to cuddle - it was probably an hour and a half before we had any other family members come in, which was what we wanted (and was fine with them).

lizzybean · September 2014

In our experience, DH cut the cord and stayed with Ella while she got quickly wiped down and bundled by the nurses, then she was nursing on my chest. After she nursed for the first time, DH held her in his arms while they pressed on my stomach to make sure all the afterbirth came out (more painful than a med-free delivery FYI) and got my one stitch, then she came back to me for more skin-to-skin. We were left alone in the delivery room for over an hour. I held and nursed Ella and DH fell asleep in the chair next to my bed. Poor guy must have been really worn out

I don't hold it against him. We had been up for over 24 hours and I was on such a high.

It was a wonderful couple of hours, just the three of us, and I was able to soak it all in.

chicagojackie · September 2014

DH was so excited when baby was finally out, he got to watch her be born which is pretty engaging! I had a massive pp hemorrhage once she was born so he went to the warmer with her and then skin to skin while they resuscitated me. He was thrilled with her and worried about me and like PP said, he hadn't really held a newborn before and needed some coaxing from the nurses. It is a high emotion time and you get really wrapped up in the whole thing. Don't worry about DH. Focus on you and the baby. He will be involved.

Chcaggie1 · September 2014

Thanks so much to everyone for sharing your stories! I feel much better about it now! I know that everything will be just perfect when we meet our sweet little one.

PS. we got to see his sweet little face on another ultrasound today!

maltwin1 · September 2014

I actually remember DH being pretty involved in those hours right after the birth. After DS was born and given to me while they were finishing up, DH cut the cord and then walked across the room with the nurse while DS was weighed and "inspected" and finger printed. He was glued to that kid's side until DS was all sweet and clean and bundled. They handed DS to DH and he held him for a while, then he handed kiddo off to me.

After we got into our recovery room DH did as much skin to skin as I did. We did not do a constant, uninterrupted 2 hours though. There were so many people checking me and checking him and moving to recovery that I'm not sure how possible that would have been.

thejollyrancher · September 2014

Dad skin to skin is the norm where I am:) I can't remember too well, it was such a blur post delivery, but I believe it happened after I nursed my son for a bit.

CatLadyTX · September 2014

I had a c/s, so DH held DS for about an hour while they finished cleaning me up and getting us settled in my room. There is not a rule that says you have to do skin to skin for the first two hours. If your husband wants to hold the baby, then by all means let him. If he would like to take off his shirt and do skin to skin too, then he can.

michelle142 · September 2014

Is it bad that I don't really remember the moments immediately following?

Everything happened so fast that I don't recall the details. I know there was issues with meconium in the fluid, so there was no skin to skin because they look him to examine right away. DH didn't get to cut the cord because it was wrapped tightly around his neck twice. I think after he was cleared they handed him to DH who then handed him to me - maybe 45 minutes after delivery.

yesiknowwhatcausesthat · September 2014

Usually I let DH have a turn holding baby right away too. But last time I was in such bliss that I held the baby and she nursed on and off for about 2 hours. It was amazing! Then I made a huge faux pas and passed her to our oldest dd (then 14) to hold for the 1st time. DH was like "hey!" I didn't realize what an oops that was. This time I'm going to be sure to allow him time to bond sooner also. Poor guy.

Kayla*Marie · September 2014

With our first I tore really badly. My legs were still in the stirrups and we had to wait about 45 for a specialist to get there. DD was on my chest doing skin to skin and the time went by SO fast! Once the Dr. got there to attend to me, LO went to Daddy for some skin to skin while they stitched me up. (which took another 45 minutes or so). It was all such a happy blur and we both got some awesome time with baby. We didn't really let anyone else hold her for another 2 hours after the initial 2 and kept doing skin to skin between the two of us. Selfish and so worth it! :-)

Angeldcf · September 2014

Mine was a bit different as he was a bit blue/not breathing after birth. They let DH quickly cut the cord then started bagging/suction under the warmer. DH took pics of this as he was clueless this wasn't normal though his 5min Apgars were good.

During all this, I was delivering the placenta then getting stitched up (tore down and up). Once DS was stable, they put him on my chest but he wouldn't nurse. DH was nervous to hold him, but we swaddled and he held him and started crying. The next day, DH did skin-to-skin while I showered.

ColleenS629 · September 2014

My last delivery, I had a c/s so DH got to hold Baby A in the OR but Baby B had to go to the NICU. He got to go with A to the nursery for about 2 hours before I got to hold him and visit B in the NICU for 13 hours before I was able to see him (he was on CPAP so DH didn't get to hold him during that time. Not that any of that was his fault, it was hospital BS, but he got to do all the stuff first last time so I do not feel bad one bit that I am (hopefully) going to get to do the first (and extended) skin to skin this time around. If my VBAC goes as planned, the OB will pull the baby out and put her immediately on me until the cord stops pulsing, then DH will cut the cord.I'll do skin to skin and BF. After she is done BFing, DH can hold her.

jennypolkadots · September 2014

Our birth plan is a little different than most but skin to skin as a family is really important for us. Since we are doing an out of hospital birth with midwives DH gets to be extremely involved, shirtless, and we get to decide on things like when to cut the cord or bathe the baby as long as things go well. He will also be the one to tell me if we have a son or daughter which will be very special!

Most hospitals allow the dad to do the first bath which can be really neat for him. He will also be right there next to you gazing into that baby's eyes. Most babies recognize the sound of the dad's voice also. That two hours will go so much faster than you can possibly imagine.

I would start planning for who you want in the delivery room though. We aren't telling people when I go into labor and will let people know after the baby is here and safe and we have had that special bonding time. I don't want to feel rushed or like I have to share and they won't know the difference. I would recommend just to have your husband in the delivery room if you are anything like me.

Sahara6971 · September 2014

I am wondering how it is going to go for us too. Totally not a silly question! I am not as much worried about my husband feeling left out though, I worry about my kids. I know they will be waiting to meet the baby and I already told my 5 year old he could be the first one to hold him/her. Skin to skin is important to me, but there is no way I can make my kids wait hours to meet the baby.

Chcaggie1 · September 2014

Oh wow @sahara6971 I didn't even think about that factor that some moms need to consider the their other kiddos role in the big day. It sounds like you want your kiddos to be closely involved but I thought I would share my experience for other mamas that may be struggling...

I was 9 years old when my little sister was born. My mom had a planned induction on a weekday. So my parents actually took me to school that morning. Granted I didn't learn a thing that day, I was too busy looking out the window waiting for dad to come get me! But from a parents perspective I'm sure it was nice for them to have their time to get through delivery without having to worry about me, where I was how I was doing etc. Dad finally came to get me just before lunch time! I couldn't have been more excited to get to the hospital to meet my sister! The day was so super special, I can still remember pretty much every detail. Oh also, my mom worked at my school so it worked out really well that when dad came to pick me up he was able to update her coworkers on the delivery and the status of mom and baby. :-)

Sahara6971 · September 2014

Chcaggie1 said:

Oh wow @sahara6971 I didn't even think about that factor that some moms need to consider the their other kiddos role in the big day. It sounds like you want your kiddos to be closely involved but I thought I would share my experience for other mamas that may be struggling...
I was 9 years old when my little sister was born. My mom had a planned induction on a weekday. So my parents actually took me to school that morning. Granted I didn't learn a thing that day, I was too busy looking out the window waiting for dad to come get me! But from a parents perspective I'm sure it was nice for them to have their time to get through delivery without having to worry about me, where I was how I was doing etc. Dad finally came to get me just before lunch time! I couldn't have been more excited to get to the hospital to meet my sister! The day was so super special, I can still remember pretty much every detail. Oh also, my mom worked at my school so it worked out really well that when dad came to pick me up he was able to update her coworkers on the delivery and the status of mom and baby. :-)

My older son will be 9 when this baby comes and they will most likely be in school too

Maybe I will do the same thing! Have my dad pick them up from school and bring them to the hospital a few hours after the baby is born. I had 2 c-sections already so if I have a scheduled c-section I just always imagined them being there waiting the whole time. Decisions, decisions...

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