Testing Limits

daffy2k · September 2014

I know we've all been there, and it's been discussed a few times about the struggles with our LOs testing the limits. I'm curious,though, if any of you have successfully found a consistent tool that works to help teach these limits.

I'm really struggling with Madeline today. I turned the oven on to prepare supper. She tried to touch the glass and I told her "No, it's hot". Well this was followed by laughter and another attempt to touch. We did the back and forth a few times, distracted her in the toy room with some toys. I proceed to come back to the kitchen to finish supper and a few minutes later she barrels by me, slaps the oven door and says "hot!" While giggling. Turns out my oven doesn't even get warm on the door, so she must think Hot is a joke. But the fact that she continues to defiantly push by to do something she's specifically and repeatedly been told not to is frustrating and nerve wracking, since the things I'm telling her no for are actual dangers.

What has worked for you guys?

daffy2k · September 2014

Thanks @CL8badB‌, I've been trying most of that but I think I'll try using some different words maybe to bring the point across in a new way. I'm not ok with spanking, but I've definitely swatted her hand away and been quite forceful as I take her into the other room. It might just be a constant repetition with her until she gets it. I'm seriously considering some kind of time-out solution, but I just don't know if she'd understand it... I have one seriously determined and defiant little girl these days

daffy2k · September 2014

@HoneyB1993‌ I ended up sitting her in the highchair while I finished. We've always had a little trouble with defiance, but this week has gotten really bad.

WasNotWas · September 2014

Exactly what @HoneyB1993‌ said. It's about clear and consistent boundaries. They might not get it in the beginning or every time but eventually it sticks and you don't have to say it anymore! Bradley knows the rules and follows them incredibly well at age 3 with this strategy.

daffy2k · September 2014

Thanks guys! We'll just keep doing what we're doing and make sure we don't falter. I hope it's just a bad few days and that she will get back to somewhat respecting the rules soon

kh59 · September 2014

With dangerous situations, I still just work from the premise that my LO genuinely doesn't understand yet. She sees me use the oven all the time, so of course she wants to touch it, too, and she doesn't yet know what it feels like to be burned or which parts are okay to touch and which aren't. For now, I verbally explain and do whatever I need to do to keep her safe--distract her with toys, put her in her high chair, wear her in a baby carrier on my back while I cook, enlist help from her dad, etc. Someday, I'm sure she'll get it, and she won't want to touch the oven because she won't want to get burned. Until she's there cognitively, though, I don't see much point in battling over it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I don't think of it as her not listening or testing limits but rather as her just not really understanding yet, I find it less frustrating and easier to be patient. It's not a solution that keeps my kid from wanting to stick her hand in the oven, but at least it keeps me more sane.

daffy2k · September 2014

@mcbush - I see what you are saying. I do take her hand away when I tell her no, but I get where you are coming for with the one time and that's it thinking. I guess I was feeling like I hadn't been giving her enough credit/teaching her the dangers and what she can and can't do enough so I've been trying to be more patient and take a few times with each thing before removing her. I agree that with dangerous situations we should have a 1 strike rule, we can work on better listening in other areas. FTR, she wouldn't have been able to race in while the oven door was open. If H isn't home to watch her, I always put her in the high chair when I have to open the oven. She's too fast to risk it

lioness13 · September 2014

I've stopped using "no" as much and started saying, "hands down" and "no touching" when she is touching something she shouldn't. I say it twice if she hasn't stopped then I go over to her and move her arms/hands away from whatever it is and put her hands together, lock them at the writs with my hand, then move her away. She thinks its funny if I just move her hands down. When I move her away she gets very upset but I just ignore it and ask her if she wants to read a book or play with a ball. She is just testing limits. My goal is to be consistent and not laugh to encourage her.

daffy2k · September 2014

It's so tough at this age! Thanks for all the advice! I was talking to a girlfriend at story time this morning and I told her about our incident yesterday. She has a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old and really struggled with her toddler when the baby was born. E stopped listening and started acting really defiant. She found a book called How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk. I haven't read it yet (just bought it on my kindle) but I thought I'd throw it out here for anyone who might be dealing with something similar. I'll post again after I read it if it proves helpful, but knowing this friend, she wouldn't recommend it if it hadn't made a big difference for her.

daffy2k · September 2014

I think you're right that they are too little right now, but definitely moving forward I think I need all the help I can get! I know what you mean about the independence, and I'm so happy I have such a well-adjusted, independent little girl but sometimes she needs to learn to take a little help to make sure she stays safe. My 1 year old thinks she's 5, lol.

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Testing Limits

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