Petty grumble...

MissMeegs · September 2014

When I was pregnant with DS, one of my good friends gave us a big box of baby clothes, which was much appreciated and we were very grateful.

Her sister is now pregnant, and she's asked for the clothes back. Is this weird? I don't really mind in the sense that we'll have to go replace anything, we have shit tons of clothes, so even me being pregnant again, this baby will still have plenty of stuff to wear. We didn't even use some of the stuff she gave us.

BUT. It is kind of going to be a pain in the ass, because the items she gave us are all jumbled in with the ones she didn't, and who on earth can remember or tell one onesie from the rest? Some items will be obvious, I remember some of the outfits she gave us very clearly, but others less so. Ugh. I mean, it's not like I can say "no you cannot have the clothes you generously let us use back!" so obviously I'm going to do my best. I guess I'm just grumbling about it.

Guess it will give us a good excuse to drag all the baby clothes out and start sorting stuff for new baby's first few months? Bleh!

MissMeegs · September 2014

Yep--she also loaned us some baby gear (nap nanny, breast pump, mamaroo) and while she didn't explicitly ask for it back, I brought it all back to her the moment I found out her sis was expecting. That's the sort of thing that's easy to give back! Clothes not so much, but what can I do? She's been great to us so I guess in the end I don't mind the inconvenience (she also bought me about a billion outfits because she was so excited about DS when I was pregnant--actually that is another worry, will I be able to remember which items were gifts she purchased and which were on loan? Craaaaaap.)

MrsW062610 · September 2014

I also think she should have told you advance she would want them back. I had a few people that gave us stuff that said they might want some of it back for their grandkids,but they labeled it with their kids initials so it's fairly easy to find. I would attempt to find what you can and give it back. But it is strange.

JennaRaek · September 2014

We're kind of going through this exact thing right now!! My SIL has a son who is 16 months right now. Her best friend has 3 boys who are between 6-3 years old I'd say. They have money and she was a little shop crazy for each boy. Jess (my SIL) was given all of the clothes that the boys have outgrown. 3 huge plastic totes for each size. A different tote for each holiday. Totes of just shoes. You get the idea. Well, Jess then passed the totes on to me for Logan when her son outgrew them. Just a week ago the friend asked for all of the toes back that we were done with. They're having a yard sale and it's for a fundraiser. Like I said, they don't need the money. Going into it I knew Jess and I would most likely have more kids so what I did was went through all of the clothes that were mine and put a little red stitch by the tag so I could easily tell them apart. Yeah, it took a while. My mom helped and I'm so glad I did it now. But Jess didn't do anything like that thinking the friend would never want them back. So on Saturday, DH and I took 15 totes of clothes, 2 totes of shoes, 1 tote of Steeler/Halloween stuff to SILs house so she could go through them to pick out what was hers because they are still undecided if they'll have another. I felt so bad for her. What a pain!! The friend even asked for the exersaucer and bouncer back that she gave her. It's all so weird to me. So funny/ironic you're going through the same thing!! I feel for ya! So sorry!

holly142 · September 2014

I loaned my cousin my maternity clothes and since I wanted them back, I put my initials on all the tags. It would have been helpful if she did that. Can the 2 of you go through the baby clothes together? I love going through baby clothes and for some reason can remember everything that was my nieces versus what was gifts versus what I bought. (However, I have trouble remembering when I last fed DD. Go figure.) Maybe she will remember what is hers?

NenaMarie84 · September 2014

I'm in that boat now too! My friend said she was done having kids so she gave me a bunch of clothes and baby gear because she said she wouldn't need it again. Fast forward 6-7 months and her SIL unexpectedly got pregnant and she asked for everything back to give her. Really weird and annoying!

bensmommy518 · September 2014

I can see both sides I guess. It would have been nice if she told you ahead of time she may want them back but oh well. I received a lot of hand me downs both for DS and for DD. I would usually clarify with the owner ahead of time what they would want back and when.

One friend gave me all her girl stuff with the understanding that they will be having more kids anday want it back. I told them no problem but of there were specific sentimental outfits they would want on the future not to give them to me because I couldn't guarantee their condition. Shortly after she gave them to me a mutual friend got pregnant also with a girl and we discussed passing the clothes on to her as DD grew out of them. Again, I had her go through them before passing anything on for her to take out anything she would be upset to not see returned.

Since you can't remember what was hers and what wasn't I would ask her to come over and sort through it with you. That way if she really wants it back she can have it but its not putting you out as much

Sakura16 · September 2014

How rude! I've never heard of that..unless she asked if you wanted to borrow them, I think it is super rude to ask for them back!

Rebis58 · September 2014

Wow how annoying. I have gotten hand me downs from a few people and at this point don't really remember who gave what. I'd probably have to ask the friend to come over and help me sort through things if they wanted their stuff back!

MissMeegs · September 2014

Thanks everyone. I think what Im going to do is go through everything soon and do the best I can, and when I get it back to her be honest that I am not 100% sure everything is there but she's welcome to come pick through everything too. I'm sure it'll be okay, we are quite close so I don't think she's going to take issue with that. Luckily, the more I think about it I am pretty sure a big percentage of stuff she gave us was from Baby Gap and NONE of our other baby clothes are from there. So I can feel safe pulling all those items at least!

growingmybun · September 2014

JennaRaek said:
We're kind of going through this exact thing right now!! My SIL has a son who is 16 months right now. Her best friend has 3 boys who are between 6-3 years old I'd say. They have money and she was a little shop crazy for each boy. Jess (my SIL) was given all of the clothes that the boys have outgrown. 3 huge plastic totes for each size. A different tote for each holiday. Totes of just shoes. You get the idea. Well, Jess then passed the totes on to me for Logan when her son outgrew them. Just a week ago the friend asked for all of the toes back that we were done with. They're having a yard sale and it's for a fundraiser. Like I said, they don't need the money. Going into it I knew Jess and I would most likely have more kids so what I did was went through all of the clothes that were mine and put a little red stitch by the tag so I could easily tell them apart. Yeah, it took a while. My mom helped and I'm so glad I did it now. But Jess didn't do anything like that thinking the friend would never want them back. So on Saturday, DH and I took 15 totes of clothes, 2 totes of shoes, 1 tote of Steeler/Halloween stuff to SILs house so she could go through them to pick out what was hers because they are still undecided if they'll have another. I felt so bad for her. What a pain!! The friend even asked for the exersaucer and bouncer back that she gave her. It's all so weird to me. So funny/ironic you're going through the same thing!! I feel for ya! So sorry!

I'm kind of a big philanthropist, so I'm biased, but it sounds really nice of the original person to sell her baby gear and donate to charity.

Also, just because someone doesn't need the money doesn't mean that they should have to go out of pocket for doing you a favor. My sister says that about me all the time and it's annoying. People with more money don't owe people with less money anything.

precious72381 · September 2014

A friend is pg with a baby girl, has a son, I offered to loan her some clothes and give her some. I told her some I just can't part with yet if I had another girl but that doesn't mean they need to just sit in a drawer not being used. She asked for just the ones I don't want back, which I understand.

I think if she would have wanted them back for any reason, that needed to be addressed first but too late now. Guess you will have to try your best. But it does suck!!

TheGreatBeyond · September 2014

I had a coworker offer to loan me a lot of baby gear but I turned her down. I knew she wasn't done having kids and I would have just been so worried something would happen to it. But she was clear it was a loan and wanted it back.

DH's sister gave away all of her DDs clothes up to 18 months but has given us everything after as her DD has grown out of them. She also gave us a lot of baby gear that she said she was just going to take to Salvation Army anyway. I don't think there is any chance for more kids for her but plan to not get rid of any of it before checking with her.

ChuggingWater · September 2014

I'd just give her back what you can remember.

blue_elle · September 2014

I think it's weird unless it was specified up front that they were loaners.

I have a somewhat related issue that a family member is pregnant and said to me "I'll take what he's not using anymore" and specifically mentioned items that were gifted to DS at the baby shower (like new stuff she bought him). It would be one thing if she asked, but this rubbed me the wrong way. We may have another, and baby crap is expensive. I'm not giving it all away!

blue_elle · September 2014

@arya808 - it's a cousin. We were close as kids but not much contact since.

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