Anyone else going to ultrasound alone? Frustrated.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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Dani_Love · September 2014

I'm sorry he's not making it more of a priority. You are totally justified in being upset. I wish I had advice but maybe just telling him how you feel about it will motivate him to get at least a half day off?

jennjilljo · September 2014

That sounds rough but since he can't be there maybe you could ask to have the sex written down so that you can open it at dinner or whenever. Then it's a family announcement, not something you find out by yourself and share over the phone.

Beth.1212 · September 2014

It sounds like your DH is comparing the 2 year old to the 13 year old too much. For one thing, his memory might be faulty with the 13 yo. Sometimes we tend to remember the good and forget the bad. For another, they're two different kids. One kid may just be more of a challenge to raise, but that is something that we have to accept as parents. Comparisons between kids don't do any good. Figuring out how to best handle / manage / teach each child is what's important. (Sometimes easier said that done!) My response to DH would be, "So? DD is a different kid. How do you think we can best encourage her to do / not do XYZ?"

Maybe when you're both calm, it wouldn't hurt to bring up the way you feel - pick one thing, either that he prioritizes his 13 yo over your children together OR that he is getting upset at the 2 yo rather than trying to work with you to help her improve, and also that he needs to accept that some behaviors are just normal for a 2 yo (even if the 13 yo was an angel who didn't have those behaviors) - and see if he's willing to try a different approach.

In terms of the ultrasound, I'm sorry that you're disappointed. My DH may not be able to make mine, I have to admit that I'm not upset. His work schedule just may not permit it, and it's more important to me that he keep his brownie points for after the baby is born. That's when I really need him! Maybe you wouldn't be so upset over the U/S if you felt that DH generally prioritized your children together? I wouldn't focus on the U/S, personally. I'd focus on the bigger picture.

bbillig · September 2014

You can't expect him to feel all the emotions you feel, you are carrying the baby inside you and a lot of times men just don't have that connection the way you do. I really don't think it's a big deal, perhaps you can FaceTime with him during the appt? Surely he can spare 5 minutes? And you don't have to find out the sex of the baby without him, you can have them write it in an envelope and wait to open it together. There are a lot of ways around this one, and I think it's probably in your best Interest to figure out a way to make it work for the both of you. I went to my first few appts alone because my husband simply couldn't take off work, it's not the end of the world

jknallen · September 2014

My DH came to all my appointments with our first DS but that was only because I booked them on his days off.
He came to none of my appointments with out second DS and I never minded at all.
He hasn't be to any this time either and I don't mind. He is coming to the AS only because again I booked it on his day off.

Honestly I don't feel upset or bothered about it at all. He has to work and really I don't feel it's that important that he be there if he can't be.

usmcwife89 · September 2014

My husband can't come to any of my appointments. He's military so he can't take the time off at all to come. I can't schedule on a weekend because the doctor doesn't have weekend hours. I'm totally not being rude when I say this- but be thankful for the times he can go. I would do anything to have my husband at even just a regular check up :-S

animalcrckr · September 2014

My DH cannot go either:( Not for the same reasons though. He has patients booked solid for 3 months out. There is no way I can get appointments scheduled that far in advance since the OB clinic doesn't schedule that far out. I am not mad though. It does stink but if that's my biggest problem I cannot complain.

You could always wait until the birth to find out the sex of your baby. That way you'll get to do it together. That's what we're doing!

MapleMomma · September 2014

I can understand that this is frustrating, but it sounds like you didn't talk to him about your feelings in advance. MH owns his company and I asked him 4 weeks ago to try to be there for the a/s. However, I understand that he still might not be able to even though this is the first for both of us.

Try to calmly approach your husband about it. He is simply less connected at this point.

lilybug319 · September 2014

My husband forgets about all of my appointments and I write them down on two calendars and sticky notes. It's not that he doesn't care, he's just stressed with work and other things. I make it a priority to remind him in the timeframe he needs to ask off. Usually we just schedule on his off days though. If it's that important that he be there with you then just give him gentle reminders. I understand it's too late now but maybe he can go to another appointment next time.

As far as your stepson and daughter go...my stepdad has 2 sons. He favors one over the other and it's very apparent to my older brother and I. His reasons are because my younger brother was born preemie and had a rough start. But basically he treats us like chopped liver and lil stepbro is the golden child. There's nothing we can do to change my stepdad's mind, we just deal with it. Sorry if you're husband is the same way. I've got no solutions for you on that one other than suck it up.

digwriter · September 2014

My anatomy scan is Friday. DH isn't coming. It's nbd to me. I'll bring him a picture and give him a wrapped box containing either a baby boy's outfit or a baby girl's for his own little reveal.

brroseb · September 2014

My husband doesn't come to my appts and I don't care... He has to work and that is more important. I know he won't miss the birth and will be able to be with me the first few days after we are home. That is what is important. The ultrasound tech records the appt on a CD and I just share it with DH when he gets home. We will probably find out the sex together via a cake from the bakery.

Lrjjj08 · September 2014

My husband can't come and it's no bug deal to me. He runs a business and the appointments are usually right in the middle of the day!

jmcgra06 · September 2014

I totally understand your disappointment. It sounds like it's not just him not coming, but that you told him about the appointment a while ago and he now seems not to remember. Is there anyone else that could come along? I would write him a letter expressing why you thought it was important that he come, how it helps you feel supported, and what you would like to see different next time. Try using i-statements, like "I feel alone when I go to an appointment without my spouse," instead of "you made me feel alone."

There are so many times in a marriage when miscommunication leads to hurt feelings. Learning how to express yourself will help you feel validated and decrease these occurrences in the future. Good luck!

Oem617 · September 2014

DH is not going to make it to my A/S. He couldn't with DS either. I had the tech write it down and place it in an envelope. We opened it together later and it was just as exciting. We will be doing the same thing this time. It is what it is.

krysmill · September 2014

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. The only appt my DH wont miss is the ultrasounds. I have a monthly next monday and I want him to go because I've had on an off bleeding due to a polyp. He doesn't want to take work off because it's just a monthly. I'm just hoping my twin will go with me.

WanderingA · September 2014

I'm sorry, I can totally understand your disappointment. My DH doesn't come to any appointments with me except the ultrasounds but he also has a very flexible schedule because he is self-employed.

Is it possible to ask a close friend or family member to go with you? I don't know about others, but I would hate to go to the A/S by myself and discover a health problem. It might be nice to have someone else there to support you and share in your excitement! I would also recommend finding out the sex together by asking the tech to write it down on paper and sealing it in an envelope so that you can open it together.

No matter what you decide, it sounds like you need to have a conversation with him. Express to him how you feel not only about missing the appointment but about prioritizing his other child. Put it all out on the table now so that you can move forward without feeling resentful! Best of luck!

AshleySparkle720 · September 2014

My DH is also military and has been able to come to 2 appts. I went to one ultrasound by myself and felt really weird in the waiting room. I figure I'm an adult and have to handle things alone sometimes. All in all if he can go to some appointments great

if he can't at least you get to see your wiggly happy baby.

wintersong139 · September 2014

My husband also forgets when our appointments are. Heck, he forgets how many weeks I am! I has literally never been right on the first guess, lol. It is not that he doesn't care, I just have to write it down for him to remember. I'm sorry you are so disappointed. :-(

Alygohome · September 2014

Yes, I have gone to all mine alone, my husband is away working from July-October. To me it isn't a big deal to go alone.

Mrs. Zee · September 2014

DH hasn't been to any of my appointments and it is up in the air if he will make the A/S in two weeks. I am okay with this because work takes precedent over an ultrasound. I just send him invites for his calendar so it is on there if he can make it.

StephanieLBerg · September 2014

My hubby won't be there for the sex reveal either. He just started his new job, and asking for time off so early after starting is kinda a no no around here. But it is what it is. I would have them write it down so you both could find out together after he gets home. But I would also sit him down and talk to him about how you're feeling. Nothing will get resolved if you just sit and stew about it. Maybe it is hormones, maybe its him placing you on the back burner for whatever reason; either way you need to let him know now rather than blowing up at him for it later.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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mrshunter9311 · September 2014

I feel for ya. My husband too had work issues and stressed me out not being able to make the appointment... In my case we ended up switching the appointment to the following week. Maybe expressing the way your feeling will help with the future appointments and every day life. Good luck

PeaceofKia · September 2014

My husband couldn't make it to the anatomy scan, but was quite thrilled to hear the results anyway. He probably won't get to make it to many more now because he's agreed to be a bus monitor before and after school for the extra money in his paycheck. I try to schedule them late enough in the afternoon that I don't have to leave work early and husband will be off the bus so he can make it. There are creative ways to share the outcome of appointments with him though. Don't let it get you down.

ckimberley14 · September 2014

I think DH went to one or two ultrasounds during my first pregnancy. He made it to the anatomy scan, which was great because we got to learn the sex together, but he couldn't make it to the others due to school and work. I know he would have gone to more if his schedule allowed. Sorry you're feeling down about your SO not going with you to yours. DH hasn't been able to go to any this pregnancy, but I know it's so my girls and I have a roof over our heads and food on the table.

lizzybean · September 2014

Amymfred said:

Thank you everyone! It is nice to know I am not in this boat alone!
I will have to go see a specialist for another ultrasound in a could weeks due to a possible heart leak. The tech spent 20 minutes looking at HER heart and I kept asking what was going on. She kept saying things were ok. Then the Dr came in! I trust my Dr and she said not to loose sleep over it (easier said than done). "Could be a shadow and that is what specialist are for". Either way hubs plans to be there for that one...for now, we'll see if work cooperates.

Thinking good thoughts for the heart followup! I went through something similar with my first and everything worked out fine. Hopefully you don't need to wait too long to see the specialist!

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