Shower poll to clear the air

RobynB13 · September 2014

since it's been stated several times showers are a no-go if you're already a mom... I'm curious about a few alternatives... So... Let's poll about it

ScarletOflaherty · September 2014

I'm all for the standard rules (shower for FTM's, sprinkle/meet the baby for everyone else) but I really do give a pass to expecting parents of multiples, because all of a sudden you need like...everything. And two of it.

I can't even imagine, so no matter what baby it is for them I wouldn't judge. I'm just so happy it's not me I'll buy whatever you want.

fartsandcrafts · September 2014

This poll would be helpful if the people who ask these questions actually use the search feature.

BabiesEverywhere · September 2014

I say SS because I think it depends on the norm for your area. I've been invited to several showers for second babies before joining the bump & never thought it was weird or inappropriate. But I also understand the arguments for it being tacky or gift-grabby. If someone offers to throw a shower for this baby (#2), I'll ask if we can just do a BBQ or meet the baby party instead.

purple_2012 · September 2014

I chose as long as you don't plan it yourself. 2nd and 3rd showers are becoming more and more popular where I live. That being said, if I spent a lot on your first baby chances are I'm going to spend a lot less on the second.

Critter015 · September 2014

I don't think it is that big of a deal. When I was younger I remember being involved in a shower for a mom who was having her 3rd boy, and they were just a few years apart. The shower was a total surprise for the mom, but her friends wanted to celebrate with her. It seemed like it was such a nice gesture, especially because she didn't expect anything.

Duffgurl · September 2014

Again I am all about celebrating a new baby. As long as the person whom is expecting is not throwing it herself I will gladly attend and celebrate.

trlricha · September 2014

I agree with @KateRN08‌. It is not uncommon around here to throw lunches with just close friends and immediate family for second babies. My sister is about to have a baby and about a month ago we had a pasta lunch at my mom's house with just her closest friends and family. She got a few little outfits and some diapers. Some people didn't bring any gifts and that was totally fine. It was just for fun. And we had ice cream cake so that was awesome

I agree you shouldn't throw one for yourself or expect someone to do it, but I see no harm If someone wants to do a little something for you.

AMShark · September 2014

I was about to say something similar to @KateRN08 - I think this is something that varies regionally, which is why the people on this board seem to have pretty varied reactions.

I'm from the NJ, where I think 2nd showers are generally frowned upon, but I say, who cares? If someone really wants to throw one for you, just let them. I suppose you can force it to be small by not registering for gifts, or only registering for small items, so no one feels pressure to get you anything big.

Gossipy people are gossipy people, and they'll talk no matter what you do. Who cares? Everyone has the option to decline any invitation.

starshollow · September 2014

In my area, I've never seen a second shower. Therefore, I would politely decline if someone offered to throw me one. Even if I had waited longer, we still kept everything knowing one day we would want a second.

If it is more common in your area, I would not side eye a second shower.

A party after the baby arrives with no expectation of gifts is ok.

No matter what baby or what area they come from, I side eye the hell out of someone throwing their own shower.

Texasmomma13 · September 2014

I voted No. However, I do like cuppycakes. How about we btdt moms just have cuppycake parties instead of showers? No hurting etiquette's feelings and we get to eat. win win.

SuperFudge00 · September 2014

As stated in the first controversial shower thread (and I just can't bite my tongue any longer), different people have different cultures and experiences.

1) I would never invite or allow my shower thrower to invite anyone that wasn't family or close friends.

2) Expecting shower attendants to bring gifts is not proper, but I also would never show up to a shower empty handed.

3) I appreciate a registry so I can avoid presenting a duplicate gift or one that will sit in a closet collecting dust. I take joy knowing that the gift I give is enjoyed.

4) My friends and family would be insulted if they did not get to attend a shower, play the fun shower games, take pics with me in my projected larger-than-life size, and contribute to my baby (their future niece/nephew/grandson/daughter/cousin/etc.).

5) In my region/culture/family/friends, a shower is to welcome the baby, not motherhood. Coed showers where both parents participate are common because it is a welcoming of the baby and helping to prepare for the baby.

6) I have never felt obligated to furnish or support someone else's child via a baby shower (noting it is not called a motherhood shower).

This is our custom. If it is your custom to not have 2nd, 3rd, etc., showers then don't, you know that is socially acceptable in your circle. Don't condemn others for having different experiences, unless their intent is to get gifts. That's gift-grabby.

RobynB13 · September 2014

**sensitive topic alert***

If there were such a thing, I would have put an option of "woo! We made it to viable!" Shindig since to me it's a great relief every week that passes the 20th because I've had preemies and multiple miscarriages (a few of those being late-term. The farthest LT-MC was at 17 weeks while Phil was in Iraq). I honestly don't give a crap about gifts, I register but I only really do it as a "hey Phil, I like THIS" type thing lol! (And some sites offer a discount if you buy items from a registry, even if it's your own... I'm not saying I'm cheap, but I'm cheap haha)

But personally, I'll probably have a cookout or something as a "hey, I'm gonna be too busy to see all of you again for a while, very soon!" type of thing. No gifts expected but won't be turned away if someone wants to give us something.

I would take a celebration with friends and our little family over a "Babymoon" any day.
:-P

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