Daddy/baby bonding

livkight · September 2014

What have you ladies done to help facilitate daddy/baby bonding?

Work has been really stressful for DH basically since Junie was born-- so he's been mentally distracted for a few weeks and I've pretty much taken over all baby-related stuff. It hasn't been a source of tension until this weekend. We both kind of realized that DH hasn't gotten the time/opportunities to bond with our daughter like I have, and he's starting to feel it. DH works long hours, and has a lot on his plate. It broke my heart to see him cry about not having the time he wants to spend with her. I had to leave her with him for an hour and a half for a doctor's appointment, and when I came back he was totally flustered and out of his element. Mostly because he doesn't know some basic things-- like her basic routine/schedule-- unless I'm there telling him what to do next. He loves her, but just isn't very comfortable/bonded yet.

We talked about it yesterday, and we're trying to come up with ideas on how he can learn daddy skills and bond with Juniper. I'm thinking maybe they need a little bedtime routine or something to do together. What else have you all tried to help get daddy more connected with your LOs?

SuperTinkerham · September 2014

One of my friends has daddy do bath time.

ashleymarie1027 · September 2014

My DH started feeling a lot more "part of the process" when LO started getting bottles (sometimes expressed BM, sometimes formula), but DH still gets really flustered when he cries (which is only when hungry, so the bottles are helping with that).

My DH is in business school one night a week and just started a new position at work, so he gets really busy. So like pp said, if LO is in a good mood and daddy has free time , then I back off and let them play. I also "try" to keep him up late enough Tuesday nights so DH can see him after class (~9:30 pm), that is starting to work less now that he is sleeping longer and needing to go to bed earlier

Prncesta · September 2014

My DH works a lot too. His bonding time is giving her baths, the lotion and Jammie's. He'll also feed her most nights before bed.

INmommy871278 · September 2014

We had issues with DD liking DH, she freaked out every time he held her. DH started bouncing her bouncer and just talking to her without holding her and she is finally starting to come around to him. They hang out while I am making dinner and showering. I have also made short trips like to get a pizza or fill up the tank so he can hang out with DD without me in the house.

TexasGirl81 · September 2014

Yes, H gives both babies their baths and I diaper and dress them. Then they play for a bit, he makes the bottles and puts Lili to bed. GL to you both.

Ekg688 · September 2014

DH watches her most of the day before he goes to work so thats sort of built in.

Does he cook or have any hobbies where she could "hang out" with him? I'll put DD in her little bouncy chair on the kitchen counter while I cook/do dishes (yes I know, I'm a horrible mom). DH will pop her in the stroller and park it in the garage if he's messing around with his tools. Not sure if you have a hangout kind of baby?

jensavicci · September 2014

Am I the only one who accidentally read the title as "Baby daddy bonding" and laughed my ass off?

livkight · September 2014

Ekg688 said:

DH watches her most of the day before he goes to work so thats sort of built in. Does he cook or have any hobbies where she could "hang out" with him? I'll put DD in her little bouncy chair on the kitchen counter while I cook/do dishes (yes I know, I'm a horrible mom). DH will pop her in the stroller and park it in the garage if he's messing around with his tools. Not sure if you have a hangout kind of baby?

That's a great idea, @Ekg688 . We're so used to doing everything all together as a family, which is fun- but then I end up interacting with baby the most. She's very easy to take places/hang out with, so I think we'll be trying something like this out!

livkight · September 2014

INmommy871278 said:

We had issues with DD liking DH, she freaked out every time he held her. DH started bouncing her bouncer and just talking to her without holding her and she is finally starting to come around to him. They hang out while I am making dinner and showering. I have also made short trips like to get a pizza or fill up the tank so he can hang out with DD without me in the house.

Great ideas. I think some time away by myself would be good for me-- and for them to have some one on one time!

Pinksundrops · September 2014

DH does all the diaper changes and burps at night. He loves burping LO - makes him feel like a part of the feeding process. Helps the burps are so cute. I hand LO to DH the minute he gets home from work. LO is usually happy at that time around 7pm as he's just woken up to stay up for a few hours before bedtime. DH does the bedtime routine and puts him to sleep unless LO is hungry and nurses to sleep.

When DH went back to work I started updating him when he got home on new things LO did during the day while he was at work, nap or schedule changes, new things I've discovered that work well, etc. so he stays in the loop. At first I updated him every day but that's slowed down a bit. I still update when I remember or I notice he doesn't seem clued in.

We have two other boys, too, so DH has been splitting his time between the three, which means I've gotten zero time but I've been amazed how MUCH time he's been spending with all three especially with his crazy work hours. Plus time he spends with LO is so precious, kinda counts for time with me.

Good luck! Crossing fingers you find a good balance for DH and LO soon.

livkight · September 2014

Thank you all so much! I've been so focused on DD and kind of forgetting that DH is going through his own transition into becoming a daddy. Sounds like I need to keep some pumped milk and a bottle handy, then give him a little time with her on his own. We'll also try having him do a pre-bed bathtime with her. Thanks for all the ideas.

TexasGirl81 · September 2014

jensavicci said:
Am I the only one who accidentally read the title as "Baby daddy bonding" and laughed my ass off?

Lmfao!!

)

glitterclaws · September 2014

DH is the number one book reader in this house, so he reads to LO all the time. He does a book in the morning and a book at night. I'm sure LO isn't getting anything out of being read to at this age, but I feel like it just helps him get to know his daddy's voice. I feel like I can coo all day to my baby, but I think it's harder for men to just chatter with infants.

Artistmom30 · September 2014

I give DS to DH right when he gets home. He also lays in bed with DS after DD is in bed and plays with him. The hubs with chat with him and be goofy to get LO smiling like crazy. DH took to changing diapers at night as well and whenever he's home in the weekends.

shortstack930 · September 2014

We were lucky because DH had about five weeks with DD before he went back to work (he's a teacher). But since he went back he feels like he doesn't have a lot of time with her. He always gives her a bottle if she's hungry after I nurse her and as part of our bedtime routine he reads her a story as I nurse her. On the weekends he spends more time with her. Good luck to you!

alyss0nl · September 2014

Dad does the first feeding of the day so I can get ready for work. It's hard for him to get much time to bond, since my older son is always all over dad. Sometimes he will play and do tummy time with him.

ashleymarie1027 · September 2014

tundrabunny said:

csmith0085 said:

DH is the number one book reader in this house, so he reads to LO all the time. He does a book in the morning and a book at night. I'm sure LO isn't getting anything out of being read to at this age, but I feel like it just helps him get to know his daddy's voice. I feel like I can coo all day to my baby, but I think it's harder for men to just chatter with infants.

My DH is an expert cooer. Makes me jealous. He just chats and chats and chats with her. It's really adorable.

Same here! DH and LO will chat away ... With me, it's just "ooh the boobs are back! Gimme!"

knitsandgiggles · September 2014

My DH travels quite a bit for work. When he is home, he tries to jump right in with the baby care. He does focus quite a bit of his energy on our toddler DD - taking her to the park, playing in the yard, hanging out in her toy room. He does bottle feed DS occasionally, but since I am EBF, I usually just handle all of the feedings. He feeds him if I have an appt or want to take DD out for some mommy-daughter time. DH also holds Wes and "chats" with him, gives him a bath, changes diapers, etc.

I will say that he was concerned about bonding with our DD when she was a baby. He would always say that all she wanted was mommy because I had the boob juice for her. As she got older and more interactive, he had a much easier time bonding with her. This time around, he just goes with the flow.

TwizzyG · September 2014

This is a constant source of frustration for me. DH doesn't want to do anything with DD. I try to encourage him to do more feedings or baths. Nothing. I've tried telling him how to do things and I've tried letting him do things all his own way and everything in between. And he always hands her back. I've tried not taking her to "make" him deal with whatever it is. But then it doesn't get done at all. He says he's "just not a baby person". That's bullshit. You helped make her, you need to help take care of her.

To clarify, he does maybe 2-3 feedings a week and maybe 5 diaper changes a week. And he'll take her and make funny faces at her for about 5 minutes a day. So he doesn't do NOTHING. it's just more a 5% to my 95%.

livkight · September 2014

That sounds really difficult, @TwizzyG . I'd flip if DH acted like that. Maybe once she's out of the newborn stage it'll be less intimidating for him. But in the meantime, I imagine having all responsibilities on you is super rough. Hang in there.

TwizzyG · September 2014

@livkight‌ thank you. I just really thought things would be so much different! I actually have flipped out a couple times, lol. Luckily DD is getting a little easier so I'm not quite so stressed out.

JayBzo · September 2014

Late to the party, but our bed time routine, I give bath and hand him over to DH who wraps him in his towel and takes him to his room/dries him off. I then to lotion/diaper/dress and hand him over - DH does most of his bottle and clean up the house or whatever and then I come back and swaddle/finish bottle. Also, when he gets home from work and LO is fussy and I need a break or need to make dinner DH flies him around the house. They woosh in and out of rooms together so I think it is good for all of us!

Nichole8787 · September 2014

JayBzo said:
Late to the party, but our bed time routine, I give bath and hand him over to DH who wraps him in his towel and takes him to his room/dries him off. I then to lotion/diaper/dress and hand him over - DH does most of his bottle and clean up the house or whatever and then I come back and swaddle/finish bottle. Also, when he gets home from work and LO is fussy and I need a break or need to make dinner DH flies him around the house. They woosh in and out of rooms together so I think it is good for all of us!

Omg! So cute! My dh and lo do a version of Spiderman that he calls spiderBaylor. He sings the Spider-Man song and bounces lo all around the house like he's swinging through the house on his web. It makes us all laugh!

cookiemomma14 · September 2014

DH is the "fun" one already and DS knows it. He wants to be around DH and looks for him when he wants to play and be active. But when DS is tired or wants to be soothed he screams bloody murder if DH is holding him or tries to soothe him. He only wants momma. Can't say that I hate, cuz I love baby cuddles, but I do envy the fun. Just glad they are bonding now, because at first DH thought he just hated him. So it helps that DS is more alert and smiling now.

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