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Dads & Dads-to-be
simesime13
member
Newest Topic with my DW...."Who's in the Room"
simesime13
member
As topics go, this isn't one we discuss as vehemently as others. I treat everything in this pregnancy as an "ours" or a "we". WE are pregnant....I may not be carrying the baby, but I am carrying other parts of the load. In fact, that might make another interesting thread. That aside, My DW will be on the table pushing this baby out, so I feel its her decision on who is going to be in the room. As for who is at the hospital, my family will want to be there waiting, whereas hers will want a phone call when its all done. What do you think??
1. Who's in the room for you?
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)?
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home?
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions?
Re: Newest Topic with my DW...."Who's in the Room"
1. Just me in the room with my wife.
2. Mom dictates
3. Based on our experience waiting at home until the baby has come is preferable. After the baby comes there is still a recovery process. It's more enjoyable to talk to people after you've had some time to recover and see your own baby without having to entertain all the questions.
4. Not really for sure where you're going with this, but hopefully my answeres are what you're looking for.
1. Who's in the room for you? Most likely just me and MIL.
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)? MW gets the vote except for me being in the room.
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home? Everyone waited at home until we called them then they came at their leisure.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions? You forgot about pictures/ video tapping the event. MW would not mid if I took some pictures as she is in labor as long as it is from over her shoulder. Last time though I was helping hold one of her legs during delivery.
1. Who's in the room for you?
Its going to be me and my DW for the final throes of delivery, but my DW said the girls could come through while not in Active Labor.
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)?
I agree. As long as I am in the room, I will follow my DW's wishes on this one.
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home?
For my first child, I had a close friend and family in the waiting room for most of the day. So it seems normal for me to have those folks again. My wife is against this and said her family will likely stay home. I dunno how I feel about this, but again, my wife is doing all the work, so I support whatever she'd like. I might discuss having my close family come up and hang with the girls or spell me for a few mins, but we'll see.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions?
@polooo27 This is exactly what I was looking for
@Wulfgar great thought on the pictures
I think that is tricky. My wife didn't like people in the waiting room. Everyone came up really early for our first because the weather was getting bad and she just hated the feeling of being waited on. Then when they could finally come in she felt really sick and everyone had to go home pretty quickly. I can definitely understand where your wife is coming from based on that experience.
I can see your point too. I think a fair argument is that your close family can come up to just support you. You just have to be careful that your wife's family doesn't take issue with that. If you think they would you might have to apply the same rule for everyone. Close family can come early or they can't.
I really like taking pictures of our kids on the scales with the weight. Those are great pictures. I don't think I was even allowed to take pictures during the birth though.
2. MW thinks it would be awkward (and I agreed) so Ill let her make the final decsion if she wants her mom or someone to come but not planning on it
3. Were planning on calling family when were ready for visitors but definatly not all at once
Avswolf Thank you for your insight as a mom!! I rather like it when a "lurker" drops by and weighs in!
I also appreciate everyone's perspective on having the family not at the hospital!! It seemed so "normal" to me to have family there in the waiting room (not in the delivery room) that I was a little myopic about it.
Her mom is the only one who can negotiate if she plays the "guess who gave birth to YOU?" Card.
1. Who's in the room for you?
We had C-sections for both, so I was the only one allowed that wasn't medical personnel since it was an operating room situation. I think had we gone natural, it probably would have stayed that way, or perhaps her mom may have been there, we were pretty sure we'd be going c-section when they were telling us we'd be having a big boy (he was 10 lb 1 oz at 2 weeks early).
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)?
I would have left it completely up to my wife, it is her that is being exposed, not me.
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home?
Being that we were scheduled c-sections (our 1st came before schedule date, but her water broke so we knew it was go time) we had everyone show up about an hour after we got there, as we knew in both cases we'd be going into the OR pretty quick, one because of the active labor and the other due to a schedule OR time. Had it been natural, we probably would have either waited, or made the parent calls when contractions got real close, but definitely not had them show when we got admitted... I've heard of 36+ hour labors and that is too long to expect anyone to wait.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions?
Pictures/video was a good mention, as is visiting policy after. If you have an open door policy, time alone could be scarce if you have a great deal of friends and family in the area.
Might want to clarify your role (and anyone else that gets an invite in the delivery room) in the room too... are you to hold a leg, stay up by her shoulders and hold her hand? Shut up and blend into the furniture? Also, make a decision if you want to cut the cord perhaps... I wasn't given the option with c-sections, so I assume most dads do it, but I have no experience there.
Thank you all "Lurkers", I welcome the feedback and appreciate everyone's opinion!!!
@Beevol - Its not "grammatical" nor "cool" to me. This is our life and our decision. My DW and I are in this together, in its entirety, throughout the course of this pregnancy. It bothers me when men say their wife is pregnant as if they had no part in the process or as if its an inconvenience or disease which will be cured in 10 months. Hence the emphasis for me that "we" are pregnant. If its only semantics, and it works for their marriage, then good for them.
Of course I am not doing the heavy lifting. I won't be sprawled on the table for the whole world to see. I won't be going through all the changes in my body nor know what its like to grow a human. But I am there in support of whatever my DW needs. Whether its to take care of our kids, clean, cook, hold her, comfort her or do nothing, as she pleases. I'm not perfect and I am sure I fall short at times, but we are in this together.
I am well aware of the dangers of child birth as my bio-daughter's mom had complications with her birth. As for "respect and awe", I have the utmost respect for my DW and all women for having a baby. Its called the "miracle of life" for a reason, and believe me, I get it! I would have a child in an instant, were it possible, which has been my stance for the entirety of my life.
My desire in my posts is to engage the population to reply and keep a conversation going. I appreciate your reply and perspective!!
1. Who's in the room for you? Just Me for the first 2. But do to timing of #3, my sister in law was in the room as well.
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)? I did get a vote but my wife's vote carried more plus she is the one doing all the work which is so understandable!
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home? We had everyone wait at home because for the first day/night, It was just me and my wife, then family and friends the day after.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions? Pictures, video, where the other kids (if you have any) will be during the process, etc?
1. Who's in the room for you? No one besides me.
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)? Mom's vote.
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home? family ok, friends wait at home.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions? None really.
1. It'll just be me and DH if my mum doesn't make it in time
2. I carry all the vote, DH said his fine with my decision doesn't want to cause unnecessary stress
3. I'd like everyone to wait at home, my family all live 2 hours away and I'd like both sets of grandparents to meet bubba at the same sort of time not hours or days apart.
4. And a few posters have mentioned photos, I'm not entirely comfortable with my DH to take photos of me in labour but it's each to their own I guess.
Women's view!
2. She gets to make that choice in my opinion since she's the one exposing herself.
3. The family can wait until they get the call to come over. It might be a smooth delivery but if there is complications there isn't anything anyone can do but worry. It's better if they see the baby when it's all said and done
I always said We're pregnant when referring to SO and I. He typically said she's pregnant but I feel like we made the decision together, we made the baby together, and he supported me and helped me as much as he could throughout the entire pregnancy. He was at every single appointment and was ready to go to the hospital even before I was.
1. Who's in the room for you?
I had SO, my mom and his mom.
2. Do the dads get a vote on this or should mom dictate (or at least her vote carry more weight)?
My vote carried more weight but I would have thought twice if he didn't want someone I wanted.
3. Do you want to have friends/family at the hospital waiting or should they wait at home?
My dad was in the waiting room. He brought things to occupy himself knowing it could be a long wait but he wanted to be there to support me as much as he could. With my first he was in the room up above my shoulder and it was a very calming thing for me having him there.
4. What thoughts am I missing from these questions?
How do you want visitors after the birth? I wanted anyone and everyone to visit at the hospital. I knew I wouldn't sleep in the hospital and I welcomed the distraction of friends and family visiting. We put a restriction of no home visitors until we told people they could visit. We waited until baby was 5 days old to have visitors at home and it was perfect.
Rules with social media? We asked no one posted pictures until we did. Our moms refused to send out pictures of him until after we posted a picture. We also kept his name to ourselves until we saw him. So they waited until we gave permission to announce his name.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old