Sex

mammasuzelov · September 2014

Once upon a time I totally loved sex.. 13 years with the same man and it was just as good as in the beginning.

Then pregnancy happened, with three months of 24/7 nausea followed by 6 months of throwing up daily, I wasn't exactly feeling the heat.

So naturally I thought after A was born that the ole sex drive would come back. I was so very wrong but I thought I'll get there.

Then I took a mirror to my lady bits, bad move.. It was a car wreck down there. Any lingering sexy feeling flew out the window.

For those of you following along, I have been sexless for over a year now, that is until last night. And here's where is gets a bit sad, I hated it, it was sore and painful and awkward. Even with lube it felt like dry dock.

Should I just mourn my sexuality and move on or does it eventually get better.

Edit add: I thought as it had been so long that there would be the return of the O and like angels would sing and shit but in reality I just want to give my vag a hug and tell her it will be ok!

KatieGummow · September 2014

In my case: it will get better! Keep at it. Sometimes I have to force myself to do it, but I am always glad I did. I feel more and more normal each time, and it makes DH happy which makes me feel good, also.

HUGS!

Shelbysteffens · September 2014

Give yourself a break, you just had a baby it takes some time to find your normal again. But as pp have said it gets better with time, but in the beginning I had to force myself to do it and now I'm glad I did. My sex drive isn't like it was prebaby but it's not nonexistent

joyfullyfound · September 2014

It will get better - you're out of practice! It had been a long time for the both of you, so it makes sense that it was a bit awkward, and post-partum hormones decrease sex drive and natural lubrication... it's a terrible combo. Keep at it

MamaFantastic · September 2014

Breastfeeding (not sure if you are/n't) will kill your sex drive until you wean. If you BF, that's a significant biological hormonal factor.

At this point, I could legit lead a 100% abstinent life and be perfectly fine with it. I'm assuming my drive will pick up a bit as I get closer to weaning. I hope so, at least!

Elf2718 · September 2014

I'm in the same boat....no drive and yet I miss my old crazy sexdrive!

nicole mackenzie · September 2014

Right there with you!

I went to a sex shop and got samples of different lubes. They are not all the same. So maybe try a different lube.

But it's normal. Don't beat yourself up. Let your DH know you need some time. But continue to be intimate with loving kisses and snuggles and back rubs. Sex isn't required. Although eventually you'll want it and enjoy it again.

AmberLiz99 · September 2014

I hated sex for six months after my first kid. It just didn't feel good at all. After that things went back to normal for me.

UnofficiallyLO · September 2014

I was practically abstinent thru my pregnancy and took over 2 months to DTD post baby but SO was very understanding (which in turn made me actually want to). The first time was laughable but it gets better! We wait until the baby is asleep for the night, take the monitor into the guest room and have adult time. Sometimes I'm tired and just want to skip the talking part or even the sex but it's important alone time to have together and in the end it's always worth it. Last night was the bomb (tick-tick)!

thomas930 · September 2014

The hormones from breastfeeding kill it for me, but it does get better. I find the I have to really get my mind in the right place to get my body to get into it...its a lot of work, but I can usually get there. A lot of the times I don't really feel up to it but I sort of make myself do it because usually in the end I've enjoyed it as well.

Cut yourself some slack and try not to give up.

LolaX2 · September 2014

It took a good 3 almost 4 months postpartum before I started enjoying it again. Go really slow and lots of lube, maybe some wine...in the beginning it sucked A LOT and hurt, but we just kept at it a few times a week and LOTS of lube and it slowly got better. My sex drive is not really back as I am still BF but once we get going and still use lots of lube I am usually happy we did it and I enjoy it.

LizChad09 · September 2014

At the beginning after baby, it hurt a lot and I would pull away and wince a lot. After 12 weeks DH suggested I call my Dr bc it should feel better by then. She checked me and ended up removing scar tissue from my episiotomy. It doesn't hurt anymore, now I trying to get up the desire again. Those breast feeding hormones are killers.

ksulli · September 2014

The story of sex and my first born:
I'd recently had a miscarriage, so as soon as we saw a BFP, I was closed for business. Then we cleared the first tri, and the loss milestone, but DH was scared, I was less than enthused, and we finished the pregnancy sexless.

I delivered a 9lb10oz baby. With shoulder displaysia. Things down south resembled New Orleans post Katrina. I had my 6w appt, and somehow wasn't in much pain. Thought maybe I could do this. I could not, as spending more than 30 minutes of me feet left me feeling like my organs were going to fall out of me.

Maybe 6 months later we went for it. It was not a good time. Tried again with more wine and more lube. It was better, but okay at best. Things stayed like that for a while. Then she weaned and things got much better. even when we were down to just bedtime/wake-up nursing it was pretty much back to normal.

mammasuzelov · September 2014

Yup I'm breast feeding and the desire for sex is 0.000000000% but I felt like I should give it a shot.

I don't know, initially it seemed like a good idea but I kind of regret it. Today I'm sore, like don't wipe, just dab when you pee sore. I thought about sitting on one of those microwave heat pillows but A was having a no nap day so I didn't get a moment to relax.

I'm so impressed that you all would actually want to do it again and keep at it. I'm not planning on tempting fate again right away.

mammasuzelov · September 2014

I'm so thankful that Dh is so understanding. I'm taking all tips on and I'll see where this goes. Cheers ladies!

Talltrees82 · September 2014

It took me a few tries until it was good again, too. And I second/third the BJs and HJs. Make like high schoolers!

smushi · September 2014

It's been a long painful road but I am finally back to enjoying sex. I still feel like everything down there is a little weird/out of place but there is a light at the end of that long tunnel...

avidkeo · September 2014

smushi said:

It's been a long painful road but I am finally back to enjoying sex. I still feel like everything down there is a little weird/out of place but there is a light at the end of that long tunnel...

I see what you did there!

smushi · September 2014

And I didn't even have to follow it up with a Giggity!

I feel like I should add, my willingness to have sex has also gaged heavily on my sleep. I'm getting pretty decent sleep now.

nicole08709 · September 2014

Well I'm glad I'm not the only one...it's been over 5 months and still no desire or attempt. ..not to mention we haven't had sex since LO was conceived! ...I feel like I'm the only one out there that has gone this long..I'm not even BF either. I know I've heard after kids were both tired, not in the mood, ect, things change. ..but lately I've been feeling like I need to be on some kind of pill to make me active again.... another thing I'm only in my mid 20s ....

I used to enjoy and be very active! ! What is going on....

Abcollins57 · September 2014

Wine and foreplay can go just as far as lube.

smushi · September 2014

Nope, lube wins. Says the lady who downs lotsa wine and gets lotsa foreplay.

thejewelster · September 2014

@nicole08709‌
I was the same way... 8 month dry spell. We broke the seal 2 weeks ago. I was scared, hubby was careful and well, I'm glad it's over. We did it again on Saturday and it was 100x better. You just have to get over the hump!

Edit: hit send before I was done... Kind of like sex these days

Kencran · September 2014

Try to get some exercise like a walk/run or anything to get you moving if you have not been doing any. I always find that I'm much much more in the mood when I get regular exercise you just feel better physically and emotionally. And yes yes yes drink wine/beer whatever relaxes you, take a bath and then have a extra glass : )

cnbean · September 2014

I agree with everything already said. I just wanted to add that it is normal to have your sex drive change. After my first it decreased a ton! I was finally starting to get more of a drive back when we decided to go for #2. And now I'm back to no sex drive again. I think (for me) it has a lot to do with how much sleep and alone time I get daily. If I'm not sleeping well, or DS is being super needy by the end of the day the last thing I want is to do anything requiring energy, especially sex.

All that to say...it does get better.

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