When to let a dog go.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

We have a 6 year old, 160 lb St. Bernard with Addison's disease, epileptic seizures and allergies. She takes 32 pills each day. Her quality of life varies week by week. Some days she seems totally normal. Some days she will barely wake up long enough to eat. Caring for her is stressful and exhausting both physically and emotionally. She was in my husbands life before I was and he is SUPER attached to her. He says he'd start working nights at McDonalds before he'd stop her medication for cost reasons. Sigh. I love animals and she is a sweet dog, but I am in the, she is just a dog camp. She had four seizures this morning and so he is with her at the vet right now. I'm feeling sad and selfish. I was so hoping for a slow and relaxing Saturday morning with my family. But instead it was a worse rush then normal out the door followed by me and babe alone again. I feel terrible wishing bad thoughts toward her recovery but he is never going to let her go if she doesn't on her own! I want all our caregiving energy going toward our daughter, not toward giving this dog a few more months or years of half living.

KatieGummow · September 2014

I'm so so sorry. That's so difficult. Unfortunately, there is no right answer to the question. You guys need to sit down and talk with each other. 6 years old is still young, but you need to think about the quality of life. Hugs to you. I couldn't imagine the emotional toll it must take to even talk about it.

Rrrrrachel · September 2014

I'm so sorry. We had to have my dog from before I was married out down just a couple months ago. I think I waited too long and inthe endi felt guilty because she was really suffering. She was little, but especially with a big dog like that my concern is always what happens if they fall and can't get back up? I know I couldn't get them up and into the car by myself. But the thought of having to just leave them there is pretty horrible, too.

deidremaria · September 2014

I'm so sorry you all are going through this. I'd personally put her down just because she can't verbalize to you how much she is suffering and how weak she is. I hope you guys can come up with something.

Talltrees82 · September 2014

I am so sorry your family is going through this. It's amazing the lengths you are going to in order to care for your pup. I went through something similar when my husband's ferret got sick, I knew that it was time to put her down but I had to wait until he came to that conclusion himself since she was his pet before I was in the picture. What is your vet's opinion?

ETA Not saying you should put her down, just that these situations are difficult and I wish you all the best!

RedDawnsRevenge · September 2014

We lost our Saint Bernard last year on the 4th of July. He died on the examine table on the floor (he was to heavy for the hydronic lift) as the emergency vet tech tried to find a place to give him "the shot." Emperor never had any health problems that the breed is known for caused from over breeding. 6 years is a long life for a saint. Can you afford more labs and exams to find different Meds? Sz's are very hard o the pet and the owner. And what would you do if he becomes status EP? I recently saw something on my FB about a lab owner who gave her dog the best day ever before putting him down. It's a very hard choice to make and in sorry.

baileymama3 · September 2014

I am so sorry you guys are going through this. No advice just well wishes for you, your fam and the pup.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

@RedDawnsRevenge she has had every lab there is (multiple times). She has seen specialists at the U of MN's research hospital (multiple times). She even saw an Eastern medicine doctor who gave her special herbs for a while. We have gone through several different medications and dosages and where we are at seems to be as good as it's going to get. And yes, I worry about what I would do to help her if something happened while he is not at home. She out weighs me by quite a bit and there is no way I could lift her on my own. The only good thing there is that most days she goes to work with him and even when she doesn't, work is only 5 minutes away, so he could drop everything and be here pretty quick.

There is pretty much no way he would consider putting her down at this point. I think we will have to have months of bad days and all medications maxed out before that is an option. I guess I just needed some sympathy. It is hard to be supportive of his care for her, but I should try harder because his tenderness is part of what makes him awesome!

zazu13 · September 2014

I'm so sorry. We had to put down our 100lb lab/ dane in May. It got to the point that he could not do the things he loved anymore (go on walks, eat treats, car rides, etc.) Then he could barely eat/drink and couldnt control his bowels. He couldnt do stairs which separated him from the family. Big dogs are hard because you cannot lift them yourself. We kept ours around for about 6 months longer than we should've but it was for us, not him. He was not the happy dog we had raised anymore. It was hard for us to let go, but our vet told us over and over it was the kindest, most compassionate thing we could do for him. No regrets now looking back.

nicole mackenzie · September 2014

What I tell people at the vets office when they ask how they will know its time I ask them what are your pets favorite things? I think it helps to verbalize the things that give your pet a good quality of life.

Some dogs it's food. Some just cuddling and being with you. Some love running outside in a field.

I'd say talk to your husband about what he considers her favorite things. But not tonight after this ordeal. Give him a day to sleep and recover.

Decide that when she no longer enjoys X,Y, and/or Z that you will let her go.

Giant breeds unfortunately don't live very long and it's harder to get them to the vet due to their size.

There is not a one size fits all answer.

I spoke to a gentlemen the other day and it sounds like the dog could go on for a bit but it sounded like se of her issues would begin to build resentment and ruin the bond they had. I told them the above but also that if you or the dog are no longer enjoying the relationship/life that it is ok to make that choice.

It's going to suck matter when it happens. And it's generally a decision you make on behalf of the pet against your heart and wishes.

I'd avoid telling your husband that you don't want to spend the money, or that you don't think it's worth treating her. The way you word it will be important.

He needs to come to terms with how to let go. He needs to know you love him and that you love how much he cares about his dog. But he also needs to make a plan. When X happens we will let her go. Perhaps the next time she has cluster seizures or if she can no longer eat.

I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this

Hugs and prayers that your husband is able to make the right choice for his beloved pet and family

Pearlvirus · September 2014

She came home from the vet and slept for a few hours. When she woke up she was basically unable to get up. DH took her to the U vet. They thought she was either not fully out of the seizure yet or had suffered neck damage. They kept her overnight for observation. DH just came home from picking her up. He keeps saying, "Daisy are you in there?" and "She's just not the same." Her front legs seem improved but she is still unable to support herself with the back ones. The vets said to bring her back if she's not improved in another 24 hours. He is losing hope that she is going to get through this one. It is so heartbreaking, I don't know what to do.

nicole mackenzie · September 2014

Just be there for him. Tell him you are there for him and love him and remind him if all the good times he's had with daisy. Ask him if he needs anything from you.

Give him the opportunity to spend these last few days with his beloved pet.

If he's able to talk about it maybe a home euthanasia would be better for the two of them?

alysemci · September 2014

I know I'm kind of going against the grain here but if he loves the dog that much, the dog was there before you and it means that much to him then id suck it up. Especially if your reasoning is you want more attention. I mean he's obviously hurting and worrying about his dog and you hope the dogs health doesn't improve because you were hoping for a slow Sunday? Whatever if I get bashed for this but it all seems selfish to me.

Pearlvirus · September 2014

alysemciver said:
I know I'm kind of going against the grain here but if he loves the dog that much, the dog was there before you and it means that much to him then id suck it up. Especially if your reasoning is you want more attention. I mean he's obviously hurting and worrying about his dog and you hope the dogs health doesn't improve because you were hoping for a slow Sunday? Whatever if I get bashed for this but it all seems selfish to me.

Yes, I do want the time he gives to his dog and yes sometimes I complain about that, but Daisy has been really sick for years and I do just deal with it, most of the time. I help care for her too. But at some point it is too much. He commited to take care of Daisy, but he also commited to the rest of us. I am doing the best I can to care for our daughter, the other dog, the cat, feeding us and basically keeping our life running without him. On top of Daisy's seizures, my grandmother and aunt flew in from DC just for this weekend to meet LO for this first time. It's been a lot. So yeah some of my feelings are selfish, but those are feelings, not actions. And there comes a point when the dog is too sick and he is too attached to let go and then sucking it up is no longer appropriate.

lcr23 · September 2014

I can understand that this is hard on you in many ways but give your husband a little time.

My husband had a cat that he was very attached to (got her when his parents went through a rough divorce) and she had been sick when we first moved in together. I kept telling him to take her to the vet but he refused knowing that the next time he took her, he would be leaving without her. It was so hard for him but he finally knew it was time.

I'm sorry you and your husband are going through this. Give him a little time and space and he'll make the right decision when the time is right.

nicole mackenzie · September 2014

alysemciver said:
I know I'm kind of going against the grain here but if he loves the dog that much, the dog was there before you and it means that much to him then id suck it up. Especially if your reasoning is you want more attention. I mean he's obviously hurting and worrying about his dog and you hope the dogs health doesn't improve because you were hoping for a slow Sunday? Whatever if I get bashed for this but it all seems selfish to me.

Although the OP admittedly is not attached to this dog and may not understand the attachment her husband has to the dog, she is perhaps able to look at the dogs health more objectively.

Some people have a very difficult time letting go. Sometimes people wait to long.

It sounds like Daisy has many complicated health issues, which likely makes controlling her diseases much more difficult. Add to that her size logistically makes nursing/hospice care difficult.

It's compassionate to try everything you can to make her better and compassionate to know when to help her leave this world with dignity.

UnofficiallyLO · September 2014

So sorry you are going thru this. Hugs to you and your big doggy! You've gotten some great advice here and really all you can do is make her comfortable until it's her time. Your vet is always the best person to consult and about when her quality of life has run out and hopefully your DH will find comfort in his memories with her and ultimate decision to let her pass peacefully.

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