I decided today that I have pregnancy fever. Not baby fever, not really even the actual pregnancy fever, just the anticipation of deciding to get off BC and having naughty-feeling unprotected booty fever. The freaking out omigosh-i-have-to-pee-on-a-stick fever. The I-have-a-secret-and-no-one-knows fever. Basically I am craving the AW-ishness of making a baby but not the actual baby. Which is a step in the right direction I guess, even if completely selfish.
There is no point to this, I just was feeling anxious about it today and trying to pin down my actual feelings on the subject.
Re: TTGP fever
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt
@URMySunshine77
Hahaa, yeah, I joke that my baby experience up until the actual baby was the karma that led to my 36 hour labor, resulting C section with sepsis, perforated uterus after IUD and baby with coclic and reflux. We got pregnant in one try and I had the happy perky pregnancy that makes people want to barf (because I was not barfing, teehee). That is why that part is romanticized for me but that I am terrified of the actual baby part since once she was here everything went to hell in a handbasket. Heck, that is why we are on the fence about number two in the first place! Like @ClaryPax said, I just miss the thrill of the two pink lines, wiggly baby kicks in my belly, the "glow." Not anything real.
I have said numerous times now that our daughter is healthy and fun that if I could just make a another 18 month old that I would do that in a second. 
I NEVER thought I would say that. Beofre kids I thought people were crazy saying that they thought the toddler stages were better than the baby stages but I now ABSOLUTELY agree.
"It is better to light a candle than curse the darkness." - Eleanor Roosevelt