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August 2014 Moms
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Beyond stressed... Need advice

ColeyJ88ColeyJ88 member
in August 2014 Moms
For the past 4 weeks, H has barely spent any time with LO. Today I wanted to introduce the bottle and take my 2yo out to the park for some one on one time. This was the first time I have left LO with H, and I was only gone 45 mins and he said that he was crying 80% of the time. H told me that he doesn't know how I can go back to work because he can't handle this. I've been watching both kids on my own for 2 weeks now, and he can't even handle one of them for an hour!

And now I'm just pissed off because when I got back, he had me make lunch and the kids were crying while I was doing that. As soon as I got done cooking the food, he just up and left without telling me where he was going. Leaving me to feed DS1 lunch and nurse DS2 while DS1 cried because he desperately needed a nap.

I don't know what to do because I go back in 2 weeks and I am legitimately scared to leave the kids with H. He just gives up and lets them cry. It doesn't help that DS2 is more fussy than DS1 was. Ugh I can't stop crying and all I want is to enjoy this newborn phase, but with the way H is acting I can't.
blighted ovum 5w3d 10/11
Aidan Russell 8/7/12
missed m/c 8w6d 11/1/13
Shane Ryan 8/25/14
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Re: Beyond stressed... Need advice

  • SherryBaby2014SherryBaby2014 member
    I'm sorry I'm feeling stressed for you! It seems like you and your husband need to have a conversation about this. It's hard to know how to approach it if I don't understand your relationship and normal communication style with one another.

    With my husband I would let him know that it makes me feel stressed when the baby is crying for too long. I would then give him tips on a few different things that might help her calm down. I would also encourage him to take a break from the crying after trying several different things and then putting the baby down for about five minutes for trying again. Although with some husbands, including mine sometimes, this all goes in one ear and out the other!

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  • ColeyJ88ColeyJ88 member
    Thanks for the advice! We had a chance to talk after he came back home today. I can understand where he is coming from, and get that it can be stressful when every comforting technique that worked with the first kid does nothing for the second... It's also hard for him because he has a stressful job (lead position at work, which is out of his comfort zone as a shy introvert) and he is dealing with some pretty serious depression issues currently. He starts therapy in November and I think it'll really help him.
    I think there was also some misunderstanding on his part too, since he was expecting to just relax all weekend. Now he has had a taste for how chaotic life has been for me the past few weeks staying home with the kids. It has given both of us some serious respect for SAHM!
    blighted ovum 5w3d 10/11
    Aidan Russell 8/7/12
    missed m/c 8w6d 11/1/13
    Shane Ryan 8/25/14
    imageimage
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  • shevaCCshevaCC member
    I'm sorry your H is stressing you out! I can sympathize -- my H claims DS is impossible to soothe and quickly gives up too. Whereas I think DS is much easier than DD was and DH simply forgot how much work the first few months really were now that DD will tell us what's wrong.


    I did always find that a little trial-by-fire of caring for the kids solo usually led to much greater sympathy and understanding from DH long term. Hopefully the same is true for you?
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