Feeling guilty about how baby sleeps

SherryBaby2014 · September 2014

I feel like there's a tremendous amount of pressure to have baby sleeping flat on their back in the crib. I'm sure many of you have felt the same? I see a lot of this guilt with the tummy sleeping post.

We've been sort of doing a go with the flow approached in regards to having baby sleep for naps or at night time. She'll sleep in the moby wrap, swing, mama Roo, snuggle bunny bouncer seat, in my arms or on my chest, and in the car seat. Whenever I put her in the crib or in the pack and play she hardly ever lasts more than about 10 to 15 minutes. It's to the point of "why am I trying, she's just going to wake up coughing and screaming." I'm pretty sure she needs some incline because of her acid reflux but I still have the sense of guilt that I can't get her to sleep in the crib or on a flat surface on her back.

I think it's the pressure of SIDS risks and if she wasn't in the crib and something happens than "you killed your baby." Anyone feeling the same?

SherryBaby2014 · September 2014

Queenb0912 said:
I was. Until I hadn't slept in weeks. We bought a rock n play and never looked back. I'll start to transition her to the crib in a few weeks (she's 9 weeks Sunday) but in the meantime she's in my room, with the fan on, breastfed, not swaddled, and we keep the house at 70- all of which lower her risk of SIDS.

It seems like so many people love their rock and play! Do you think it's much different than any of my current contraptions that it would be worth investing in? My daughter is already seven weeks old so we might be through the worst of our sleep problems.

SoSayWeAll · September 2014

I know exactly what you mean. I wish there wasn't so much pressure. We are also using a rock and play. I think those crib wedges are acceptable too and pretty inexpensive. I just look at it as sleep is very important too, and if being flat means no sleep that is not good either.

SoSayWeAll · September 2014

What is the issue with swaddling if it is done properly?

skalnajs · September 2014

Soooo much pressure. LO sleeps wherever he'll stay asleep. First two weeks it was his snuggamonkey bouncer. Now it's on my chest or wedged on his side on the couch. I bought a flat bassinet during like week 35 of oregnancy and so far it's just storage for blankets. Need to check out the rnp

NLewis1 · September 2014

Honestly, Matt sleeps on his side, and at 3 weeks old, will roll from his back to his side, or from one side to the other. He ends up sleeping with me more than I care to admit (even though we have a co sleeper), and I really don't feel awful about it. Flame away!

workmm01 · September 2014

Yes! Thank you for this thread! This keeps me up at night! DS is 7 weeks and hates laying flat. He sleeps at night in a rnp. This week I started trying to get him to take his morning nap in the pnp bassinet while he is in a good mood. It seems to be working. We are up to 45 minutes occasionally that he will tolerate it :-)

KittyMisha · September 2014

We used a wedge under the crib mattress for DD1's reflux, and it made a big difference. We also got this box you can affix to the crib that makes the whole thing vibrate, which really helped her sleep. Also, we didn't put her in her crib until she was 5 months old. Before that she was swaddled in her bassinet, and then the PnP.

FrodaBaggins · September 2014

I feel you so hard on this. When my mom was visiting and baby was 2 weeks old, she got him to sleep in his crib for numerous naps and nighttime sleeps. I've tried replicating that success, and every now and then it works - baby is 5 weeks now. But the majority of his sleeping time is spent in the snugabunny cradle chair - same one you guys use? Vibrating/nature sounds/music? I feel guilty about it all the time. I wish he would have taken more to his bassinet next to the bed, but he wakes quickly in there. We do better in the crib when he's swaddled, but he can wiggle his arms out! Then the startle reflex wakes him all night and none of us get restful sleep. That's why the snugabunny has become the go-to - he feels cradled and comfy and he slept a good 5 hour stretch the other night! Let me know how you get around to feeding less guilty!

kaitm22 · September 2014

We had to give up on the bassinet for now too and have been going with the RNP. It has made quite a difference but I have been feeling the guilt. I have to keep reminding DH that we all need to sleep.

klauke_t13 · September 2014

Yes! Little A has yet to sleep in his crib. My h has gotten him down for a nap in it here and there, but I don't have any luck with it! He's 5 weeks, and sleeps in a rnp next to my side of the bed.
I'm hoping to get him using the crib before I go back to work in 4 weeks. :-S

tracey007 · September 2014

We use a rnp too. We got it on our 2nd day home with dd1. Ds always sleeps in it or the swing. He is sleeping on me less at night now that I am not as exhausted. I know transitioning will be awful and don't care. I have new contraptions to try from dd1 for that :-)

BeachM · September 2014

I felt like I was doing something wrong with my first when he wouldn't sleep in the crib from day one. He napped on me or in the swing for 4.5 months. He is now almost 4 and has been sleeping in his crib/bed by himself for a long time now.

So no, I don't worry about this with the 2nd one. He takes at least one good nap in the RNP which I consider a huge victory.

None of them will go off to college needing to sleep in a swing, car, or in someone's arms.
:P

SherryBaby2014 · September 2014

All the RNP lovers makes me want to get one now!

Would it really be all that different than the mamaroo seat or snug-a-bunny bouncer seat? I know it would be taller, portable, and rocks but I'm thinking of how LO lays in it as far as snugness and angle.

tahitiansun · September 2014

missmimsyy said:
BBG has yet to sleep at night in her crib. My MIL thinks this is terrible since right now she sleeps in our room in the newborn napper part of the pnp. She often naps next to me in the mombo or in her bouncy lounge. In fact, the last two nights, she's been out to bed in the bouncer and moved to the napper after the next feeding. She needs the bouncing and vibrations to move out some gas bubbles.

All of these items mimic swaddling in some way. When I put her in the crib, it's huge and scary and when she rolls to the side ( which she's done since the hospital) she keeps going.

My plan is to transition her into the crib by napping flat on the bed with hubbs or me there next to her. The other plan is to take the napper off and introduce her to the bassinet portion of the pnp at nights. It's like the crib, but smaller. The only problem with that is the changer is attached to the top too.

Think I could leave the changer on and just remove the newborn napper?

You can't leave the change table on and let her sleep in the bassinet...she could get underneath it. We have DD in the bassinet part now, I do miss the changer though!

SherryBaby2014 · September 2014

Now people are feeing guilty about sleep spaces AND swaddling?! Isn't it only if they can roll, can get out of it, or are getting too hot? Maybe the internet and the access to too much information is making us all paranoid.

ColeyJ88 · September 2014

LO has never slept in his crib. With DS1 he slept next to me until he was 5 months old, when we transitioned to a crib. He seemed to sleep more soundly in the crib by the time he got to that age.

Think about this: co-sleeping in Japan is the norm, and the SIDS rate is the lowest there.

Valancyy · September 2014

coffee&wine said:

Now people are feeing guilty about sleep spaces AND swaddling?! Isn't it only if they can roll, can get out of it, or are getting too hot? Maybe the internet and the access to too much information is making us all paranoid.

So true! There's always something you "shouldn't do" for one reason or another. I think the swaddle is only dangerous if they are on their tummies or too hot.

I was thinking about this the other day (the fact that we may have too much information). Back in the day you would look something up in Dr. Spock or ask your doctor, and that would be that. Maybe talk to your mom or some friends about it.

Eena1242 · September 2014

I was almost obsessed with following the SIDS-reducing rules, until he wouldn't sleep unless he was near me. So I researched co-sleeping, and found that the large majority of fatal co-sleeping incidents were because one or both if the parents were under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We now co-sleep (drug and alcohol free) and everyone is happy. Granted I still try to take safe measures by having him on his back, and keeping pillows and blankets away from him. But resting my hand on his chest helps him sleep. I'm not advocating co-sleeping for your family, but doing research of actual numbers helped calm my fears a little more. And as my A14 girls always say, it's up to us to do our research of the medical advice we are given.

ETA: This is a new sleeping arrangement for us. He used to sleep fine in the bassinet, and then didn't like it. Then he was fine in the PNP, but decided not to like that either. Fingers crossed he doesn't decide to not like this because then I'm out of ideas!

NLewis1 · September 2014

Eena1242 said:
I was almost obsessed with following the SIDS-reducing rules, until he wouldn't sleep unless he was near me. So I researched co-sleeping, and found that the large majority of fatal co-sleeping incidents were because one or both if the parents were under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We now co-sleep (drug and alcohol free) and everyone is happy. Granted I still try to take safe measures by having him on his back, and keeping pillows and blankets away from him. But resting my hand on his chest helps him sleep. I'm not advocating co-sleeping for your family, but doing research of actual numbers helped calm my fears a little more. And as my A14 girls always say, it's up to us to do our research of the medical advice we are given.

My guy sleeps much better when he's in bed with me. But he sleeps between myself and the co-sleeper instead of between H and I, at H's request. H is afraid he will elbow DS in the face or something.

We are both drug and alcohol free as well, but try as I might he won't sleep on his back, he always rolls onto his side!

Eena1242 · September 2014

NLewis1 said:

Eena1242 said:
I was almost obsessed with following the SIDS-reducing rules, until he wouldn't sleep unless he was near me. So I researched co-sleeping, and found that the large majority of fatal co-sleeping incidents were because one or both if the parents were under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We now co-sleep (drug and alcohol free) and everyone is happy. Granted I still try to take safe measures by having him on his back, and keeping pillows and blankets away from him. But resting my hand on his chest helps him sleep. I'm not advocating co-sleeping for your family, but doing research of actual numbers helped calm my fears a little more. And as my A14 girls always say, it's up to us to do our research of the medical advice we are given.
My guy sleeps much better when he's in bed with me. But he sleeps between myself and the co-sleeper instead of between H and I, at H's request. H is afraid he will elbow DS in the face or something.

We are both drug and alcohol free as well, but try as I might he won't sleep on his back, he always rolls onto his side!

Yeah, sometimes my little guy rolls on his side too, mostly when he's looking for my nipple. Lol! Do you like your cosleeper? We looked at a few, but I didn't want to wait to order one. I was desperate one night to get him to sleep, so H did some searching and convinced me it was ok to not order one. I wonder if we all would have slept better from the beginning if we had one.

Also, I didn't mean to sound preachy about the drugs and alcohol. It's just something we do to make me feel he's safe. I hope I didn't come off as condescending.

lexxctpx · September 2014

We have been bedsharing from day one. It works incredibly well for us and we love it. Superb sleep and infinite snuggles!

We don't feel guilty at all, but we realize it's incredibly unorthodox. Aside from EFFING ANTI-VAXXERS UGH, you do whatever you think is best for you and your family.

If anyone happens to be interested, since I'm mobile, I can't link anyone, but you can search for a neat collection of PDFs from La Leche League on bedsharing safety. Just google "la leche league bedsharing tear sheets"

It's the first site.

NLewis1 · September 2014

Eena1242 said:

NLewis1 said:

Eena1242 said:
I was almost obsessed with following the SIDS-reducing rules, until he wouldn't sleep unless he was near me. So I researched co-sleeping, and found that the large majority of fatal co-sleeping incidents were because one or both if the parents were under the influence of drugs or alcohol. We now co-sleep (drug and alcohol free) and everyone is happy. Granted I still try to take safe measures by having him on his back, and keeping pillows and blankets away from him. But resting my hand on his chest helps him sleep. I'm not advocating co-sleeping for your family, but doing research of actual numbers helped calm my fears a little more. And as my A14 girls always say, it's up to us to do our research of the medical advice we are given.
My guy sleeps much better when he's in bed with me. But he sleeps between myself and the co-sleeper instead of between H and I, at H's request. H is afraid he will elbow DS in the face or something.

We are both drug and alcohol free as well, but try as I might he won't sleep on his back, he always rolls onto his side!

Yeah, sometimes my little guy rolls on his side too, mostly when he's looking for my nipple. Lol! Do you like your cosleeper? We looked at a few, but I didn't want to wait to order one. I was desperate one night to get him to sleep, so H did some searching and convinced me it was ok to not order one. I wonder if we all would have slept better from the beginning if we had one.

Also, I didn't mean to sound preachy about the drugs and alcohol. It's just something we do to make me feel he's safe. I hope I didn't come off as condescending.

No I didn't take it as condescending

I really do love our co-sleeper. I have the arms reach mini and its super handy. I like that I don't have to get out of bed. It has pockets for diapers and wipes and I change him right in his co-sleeper and then just bring him into bed to nurse. If we were formula feeding and I had to get out of bed to make a bottle anyway I wouldn't have spent the money, but it is great for nursing

KellyAnne213 · September 2014

DD was sleeping in her bassinet with a small pillow behind to recline her until about two nights ago. We transitioned into the crib by elevating one side of the mattress with a pillow underneath (about 4 inches elevated) and then made a little butt nook using a hand towel rolled up in the shape of a "U" underneath the crib sheet so she wouldn't slide down. I was so skeptical but so far two nights in a row have been great! I do have to swaddle her tight, something that we didn't have to do when she was cozy in the bassinet.

chase16 · September 2014

We have a RnP that she sleeps in about half the time.. The other half she sleeps with us. Sometimes she won't stay asleep when we put her in the RnP, but she'll stay asleep with us. We didn't plan to bed share, and she'll eventually transition to a crib.. But we like sleep, so right now this works.

rockyrollgirl · September 2014

C slept in the swing and on me quite a few times. I nursed her to sleep and she slept on her side. We did not transition her to the crib until about 3 months. Looks like that is the route going for M so far.