- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Breastfeeding
RachelCA29
member
I think I need to quit trying
RachelCA29
member
I am think it's time for me to throw in the bfing towel. I'm emotionally wrecked from trying. We had a rough start with a NICU and bottle fed formula beginning, battling over supply and OALD and a tongue and lip tie.
My baby could never latch properly without a nipple shield. Then after we had his tounge and lip ties corrected he just didn't want to nurse. I would literally sit with my baby screaming in hunger with my nipple dripping milk into his mouth. He refused to even close his mouth near my breasts. The sense of personal rejection got to be too much so I started pumping.
I breastfed for about 6 weeks and pumped until he was 4 months. But it's getting hard to maintain my supply with just pumping. We have to supplement more and more and I have to pump for longer periods of time to get the same amount. (I'm up to 40 minutes per session, which is hard since I am the prima primary care giver to my son). I feel like so much of my day is spent washing pump parts and pumping instead of being with my baby.
So a few days ago I starting bfing again. I was super engorged in the mornings, but he was doing great for the first 60 hours. We were even doing well without a nipple shield. Then it happened. The rejection. At first I thought it was because it was the evening, so the milk doesn't flow as easily. But even when I would pre-stimulate letdown he would just cry at my breast instead of latching. So I pumped while my husband gave a bottle and we tried again later. Same thing, angry baby, just wants a bottle. He nursed well on one breast before bed last night, but was still super hungry and didn't want to try other breast. He downed 6 ounces of formula, which is a lot for him.
MOTN feeding (which he hasn't needed in a month) same thing. Completely rejecting me. And this morning the same. My breasts are full and dripping, waiting and ready for him, he won't even get near them without screaming.
Honestly I just can't take this rejection anymore. I know it isn't, but it feels so personal. I'm his mom and he cries when I put my breast near him. He would rather suck on a plastic bottle than his mother's breasts. I'm in so much pain from this, and I'm tired of crying about it. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this constant rejection from my own baby.
The thought of letting myself dry up and formula feeding is just as sad to me, but I don't know what else to do. I feel like if I formula feed I will be so judged as not trying hard enough and not giving my baby what's best, but it's like my baby doesn't want it.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I've cried so much in the past 24 hours my eyes are sore.
My baby could never latch properly without a nipple shield. Then after we had his tounge and lip ties corrected he just didn't want to nurse. I would literally sit with my baby screaming in hunger with my nipple dripping milk into his mouth. He refused to even close his mouth near my breasts. The sense of personal rejection got to be too much so I started pumping.
I breastfed for about 6 weeks and pumped until he was 4 months. But it's getting hard to maintain my supply with just pumping. We have to supplement more and more and I have to pump for longer periods of time to get the same amount. (I'm up to 40 minutes per session, which is hard since I am the prima primary care giver to my son). I feel like so much of my day is spent washing pump parts and pumping instead of being with my baby.
So a few days ago I starting bfing again. I was super engorged in the mornings, but he was doing great for the first 60 hours. We were even doing well without a nipple shield. Then it happened. The rejection. At first I thought it was because it was the evening, so the milk doesn't flow as easily. But even when I would pre-stimulate letdown he would just cry at my breast instead of latching. So I pumped while my husband gave a bottle and we tried again later. Same thing, angry baby, just wants a bottle. He nursed well on one breast before bed last night, but was still super hungry and didn't want to try other breast. He downed 6 ounces of formula, which is a lot for him.
MOTN feeding (which he hasn't needed in a month) same thing. Completely rejecting me. And this morning the same. My breasts are full and dripping, waiting and ready for him, he won't even get near them without screaming.
Honestly I just can't take this rejection anymore. I know it isn't, but it feels so personal. I'm his mom and he cries when I put my breast near him. He would rather suck on a plastic bottle than his mother's breasts. I'm in so much pain from this, and I'm tired of crying about it. I'm not emotionally strong enough for this constant rejection from my own baby.
The thought of letting myself dry up and formula feeding is just as sad to me, but I don't know what else to do. I feel like if I formula feed I will be so judged as not trying hard enough and not giving my baby what's best, but it's like my baby doesn't want it.
I just don't know what to do anymore, I've cried so much in the past 24 hours my eyes are sore.
When Fluff Mail Arrives:
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I think I need to quit trying
40 minutes is really too long to pump. It sounds like you have plentiful supply, so if you were going to continue giving him some breastmilk, I'd say to pump every 3 to 4 hours for 20 minutes. If you have a good hands free bra, you can pump while you give baby his bottle. This would help to relax you and letdown would happen more easily. Get a second set of pump parts and some extra collection bottles. There is no need to wash each time, you could use a set the entire day, just pop them in a Ziploc and in the fridge or a cooler with an ice pack. I took one set of parts and collection bottles to work for 9 months and just chilled them in the cooler in between. I poured my milk into bags so I could reuse the bottles. You could do that too or just get extra bottles. I had 4 sets of everything so I could go a few days and then I put everything in the dishwasher, except membranes which I boiled once a week and had twelve of.
You could continue trying to offer the breast when baby has a little bit of food in his belly or when he's kinda sleepy. If you want to.
Hugs and a huge pat on the back for making it this far!
I appreciate all of your support. Mommy guilt sucks, and really messes with your mind sometimes
I hate to break it to you...but mommy guilt is just something that you will always have, and will always happen no matter what you do.
As far as just nursing just a few times a day, just know that at 4 months, your supply will likely not stick around for too long. It's possible, but usually you have to get closer to a year or after to maintain supply for part-time nursing.
No periods due to 17 years of ballet and distance running after college. Zero response to 2 months of Clomid, little response to Letrozole. IUI left with 9 cysts = too many viable eggs due to age. On to IVF. Low dose of all meds still produced 37 mature eggs 12.6.11. Froze due to overstimulation.
FET #1.1 1.22.12 BFN. FET #1.2 2.22.12=GRACE! (and a vanishing twin).
Grace Katherine born 10.25.12 @ 36w6w 6#14oz 19.5".
FET #1.3 3.2013 BFN FET#1.4 4.2013 BFN. Never tried a fresh transfer. Let's try, despite 10 still frozen.
ER 6.26.13 27 mature eggs, slight overstim. ET 7.1.13 ectopic, FET 2.1 9.10.14 TRIPLETS!!
Boys born 3.18.14 @ 29w5d. Andrew Jack 3#6oz 16", Grant Robert 3#9oz 16", Charles Phillip 3#7oz 17".
Mommatotwo2 had really great advice! I also wanted to mention that at 4 months, there is another growth spurt that could also be fueling some of this bottle preference, so maybe it will pass hopefully. It seemed like you were getting some success getting LO back to the breast. I would simplify the pumping (I also worked full time and would pump for only 20 minutes and put the pump parts in the fridge instead of washing them) to take some of that stress off of you. I'd also keep offering the breast especially when you know you're super full. If you aren't using the super slow flow nipples I'd switch out so the bottle isn't so much easier. I used newborn nipples until my LO was 12 months old so she wouldn't reject the nursing. There's always an option to do halfway, where you supplement and still pump what you can, but like PP said, you may end up drying up if you cut back too much. In the end, know that you have done a wonderful thing providing BM for your LO. Don't compare yourself to others, just do the best you can do for yourself and your family.
**DD1 - 7/9/98**
**DS - 11/9/00**
**DD2 - 4/30/13**
I just wanted to say no matter what you decide to do, it will be OK. I commend you for pumping for so long. You are a great mom who is trying her hardest, and you're setting a great example for your LO.