Can we ressurect an old conversation?

JamieK1882 · September 2014

I know this has been discussed in the past, but wondering now that we are a lot closer to the real deal, if anyone's opinions had changed...

Our baby is due 11/18, so approx. 6 weeks before Christmas. All of our families are local, and we usually host Christmas. I absolutely love hosting, and it's not a ton of work because I literally buy a ham, and everyone else brings all the sides and desserts.

My concern is having all those people (around 30) and the vaccination issue. The majority of our family DOES get the flu shot, and we've already talked to the siblings and grandparents about Tdap (pertussis), but not sure how I feel about telling every single person they HAVE to get the Tdap. Am I being too lenient? My mom feels if I can get the majority of the family to get it (probably all but maybe 3-5), then we should be ok. Would you be comfortable with this? The way our family dynamics work, it is an all or nothing deal. Meaning, I can't just tell certain people not to come. I would rather just not host christmas, although I love doing it and it depresses me to think we could potentially be sitting home alone on baby's first christmas.

For clarification, I have no problem telling closer family to get it. It's people like my aunt's stepdaughter's son's girlfriend (if you even followed that) that I don't know. I don't even really think those people would be holding Baby.

Thoughts? What is everyone else doing regarding the holidays and vaccinations? Can't decide if I'm being a super paranoid FTM or what...

sweetbabyrahe · September 2014

I think we are recommending the people get the shots if they are going to be spending a lot of time with LO , but extended family that will have limited contact I will probably just demand hand washing

JamieK1882 · September 2014

@sweetbabyrahe-I was hoping people would say something like that. I'm hoping if I can get all of the closer family to get it, but those randos who show up for an hour or two just for the holiday, I just really don't feel right asking. (but also don't want to put LO at risk and want to know if I'm being naive!)

Autumnsnow · September 2014

Same here...we're just going to recommend hand washing as well.

sweetbabyrahe · September 2014

I am a STM and maybe naive but I think assuming your baby is not a really at risk premie then I think hand washing and avoiding any contact with people who feel sick is important. DS was 4 months old his first Christmas (which I know is a bit better) but that is how I handled it then. Also, LO will probably be in daycare soon after Christmas , so i just know that unfortunately I will only have so much control.

silverwings72 · September 2014

I feel torn. I have asked my family and DH's family to get their shots but only a few have done so or plan on doing so. Some of DH's family just look at me like I'm nuts. Im thinking we will bring hand sanitizer and I will wear him at DH's large family Christmas party. There will be no kissing or hogging the baby that's for sure. I am interested in what others plan on doing.

mander82 · September 2014

I won't ask others to get vaccinated.

meeshybee · September 2014

I would feel rude telling people they had to get a shot to come to my house. I'd rather just say "Hey, brand new baby here. We're gonna take a year off hosting Christmas." Especially just 6 weeks (or so) after birth. Then, if you're up to it, you can go to whoever does decide to host it and leave early to limit exposure. Or you can blame flu season and stay home.

wildflower75 · September 2014

If they are only coming for dinner then I wouldn't ask them to get the shot. I do however ask everyone to wash their hands before coming near the baby. But in this case I also wouldn't want my baby passed around 30 people so I would probably baby wear or just have the baby in a swing where everyone can "view" the baby. I actually did the swing thing quite a bit because I didn't want my baby to be accustomed to only being held (especially when it was time to sleep etc)

hidingangel82 · September 2014

Hand washing, hand sanitizer, and baby wearing will be my go to, but I'm liking the idea of him being in a swing for people to see him better... but we've only asked our parents to get DTAP, most everyone else gets the flu shot.

ColtiersMom · September 2014

We asked all our immediate family to get vaccinated if they plan to hold LO since she will be born at the start of winter and flu season...all have agreed and gotten the dTap and plan toget the flu before November.

minibean16 · September 2014

I'm so paranoid, I want Santa to get vaccinated before he comes down my chimney.

My immediate family and any family I'll see repeatedly is getting shot up, but I'm not asking the family members I'll see once. It hands off the baby.

ColtiersMom · September 2014

Also, my OB told me at my last appt all of our immediate family needs to be vaccinated since whooping cough numbers are on the rise again

Stephaniegiboney · September 2014

I'm glad someone brought this up. I got my flu and TDAP today. I called my mom and mentioned that her and my dad should maybe get up to date and she refused and started talking about what's in vaccines, vaccines giving my future children autism etc. This all seems so odd to me considering my mom vaccinated me and my three siblings...now I'm feeling frustrated

I don't want to be demanding but if they plan on spending a lot of time with this baby I feel uncomfortable they don't want to protect against these things...

JamieK1882 · September 2014

I texted my 2 aunts and one cousin who I'm all very close to. One aunt didn't answer, the other said yes of course she would get them, and the cousin refused. She said she doesn't believe in vaccines or putting the chemicals in her body. I know I can't make anyone do it, but I was a little put off by her response.

My mom is super annoyed with me over the whole thing and thinks I'm carrying it too far, so now I'm frustrated.

crizz13 · September 2014

I have mentioned it to immediate family: siblings and our parents. I am not going to "require" it or push the issue. I am also not going to become a hermit...I need my sanity. So, I will be baby wearing or have Lila in a swing when around large groups. Otherwise, I'll be insistent on hand washing and if someone's sick, sorry.... Get better and then you can snuggle with her!

babysis013 · September 2014

I'm working on composing an email to my close family asking if they will consider getting it. I want to do it through email so I can link to the cdc's website and show them numbers on how bad it is getting and how bad it is for a baby to get it.

mrsodonnell12 · September 2014

Can you just wear baby the whole time?

brooklyngirl18 · September 2014

i'm only asking my mom and mil to get tdap and the flu shot since they will be sharing primary babysitting duties. as for everyone else i'm just going to ask everyone to wash their hands and anyone who is sick to not come near the baby.

ccam · September 2014

I'll be wearing the baby for the holidays and try to avoid passing the LO around. I'll be asking anyone holding him or her to wash their hands and avoid anyone who is sick. The people we spend the most time with get the flu shot nornally but I won't be asking everyone to do it.

babysis013 · September 2014

Dumb question from a FTM, do people really not ask to hold the baby when you baby wear? I can see my family members (at least the close ones) still asking to hold the baby. Maybe I don't realize how people view baby wearing.

MmmPopcorn · September 2014

We have asked grandparents and siblings to get vaccinated. I don't think all our siblings will, but my parents and H's parents will oblige. They've all been pretty easygoing about the whole thing.

I wouldn't avoid a Christmas celebration if everyone there feels well and is washing their hands regularly. I like the idea of a baby swing (in a quiet corner?) or baby wearing. Also, you can check to see what the whooping cough and flu rates are like in your area. Flu season doesn't peak until Jan. or Feb., and whooping cough is fortunately a non-issue in most areas (although my state has had a few outbreaks in certain counties).

NunyaBennis · September 2014

My husband and I were just talking about this again. He's ready to play bouncer and have everyone bring their vaccination records and have their temperature taken before being let through the door. I think that's a little nuts, and just ask that any sickies have the common sense and courtesy to stay away, and that everyone else wash their hands and stay out of baby's face - not kiss her face or hands. All we can do is take reasonable precautions and a deep breath.
...and maybe cringe a little.

rox825 · September 2014

runnershan said:

My immediate family (mom, dad, sister) are all getting TDaP and the flu shot and we mentioned it to my in laws but we're not forcing them. They won't be around the baby as much as my family anyways.

This is what we're doing too, my mom, stepfather, and sister are getting Tdap and flu, and my in-laws are hopefully getting the flu shot (they should be because they're over 65), but I'm not pushing them to get Tdap because they won't see the baby as much. Plus I figure the baby will get some immunity from my shots and breastfeeding, so we'll just stay away from sick people and crowds. I probably wouldn't feel comfortable exposing the baby to that many people at 6 weeks, vaccinated or not, because lots of other bugs go around in the winter and I'd be afraid of the baby picking up a cold, stomach bug, etc.

so72409 · September 2014

I wouldn't ask people to, personally. I didn't with our twins ( preemies born at the end of oct at 34wk4d). We ended up (unknownly) being exposed to RSV at Christmas but we ended up not catching it. We did demand hand washing and none of the other kids there were allowed to hold/touch.

hiketheworld · September 2014

Our parents and siblings are getting the tdap and flu shots. I would not host any holiday gathering. I'm sure someone else will offer and then you get to be a guest! For the holidays, I plan to babywear and bring a big bottle of hand sanitizer. I'm more worried about Thanksgiving than Christmas. I'd seriously hope that anyone who is sick will stay away, but if not, that is when my mama bear instincts will probably kick in!

silverwings72 · September 2014

@NunyaBennis‌ - I just had the cutest image of a Daddy bouncer waiting at the door! Lol I think I'm more of the bouncer-type and H is a little more common sense.
I was also thinking about putting mittens on LO since people like to touch and hold baby hands.

MrsDL · September 2014

I probably would just opt out of hosting - you don't know how you're going to feel, handle the transition or how the baby will be. Even though you're not doing a lot of cooking, there is clean-up and lots of people to deal with - what seems like it will not be a big deal or easy before LO arrives can change very quickly one the LO is here - that's probably the one thing we learned. Things we planned and didn't think would be a big deal (traveling to a wedding as an example) we thought "WTF were we thinking" within days of DS coming home.

As for vaccinations, with DS we got ours and didn't worry about the family (DS was a May baby - I wasn't worried about the flue, etc.). DH's cousin had a baby this past summer and sent out the e-mail to everyone, asked to see vax records. ILs were appalled. MIL doesn't like shots, doesn't get the flu vax, etc. MIL plans to come for two weeks when this baby arrives and FIL and BIL are coming for Thanksgiving. After talking with my doctor, I actually sent them a nice e-mail requesting they get flu and DTaP. I think the MIL is not going to like this (she hasn't responded) and I'm prepared to tell DH that he must tell her she can't come help with the baby if she doesn't get them.

NunyaBennis · September 2014

silverwings72 said:
@NunyaBennis‌ - I just had the cutest image of a Daddy bouncer waiting at the door! Lol I think I'm more of the bouncer-type and H is a little more common sense.
I was also thinking about putting mittens on LO since people like to touch and hold baby hands.

Mittens are a great idea! Hopefully the ILs (where we will be) won't have it as bloody hot as usual. It has seriously been 90* in their house in the middle of winter - my husband and I close the vents in our room, shut the door, and open the window and sometimes still kick off the blankets. UGH! Not looking forward to it.

carcrashheart · September 2014

DS was born 10/12. I didn't make anyone get vaccinated. We attended thanksgiving and xmas without issues. Most washed their hands without being asked. I didn't feel like it was my place to force 10+ people to get vaccinated. Nor did I feel like I needed to keep my baby in a bubble. I'm just not that mom. I've never shielded DS from germs and I can count on one hand the number of times he has been sick in two years. The only time it became an issue was when family members were sick themselves. They typically opted to stay away on their own. I won't be changing the way we treat #2 and our family members.

mnmom1010 · September 2014

I would not skip the holidays but I would absolutely insist on hand washing and sanitizer.

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