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Parenting
Help me with my sister (trigger warning)
I'm a long time lurker, but I really need advice. I'll try to not make this tl/dr. My little sister has a host of mental health issues (bi polar, depression, anxiety). She's struggled her whole life. She was in and out of jail frequently as a teenager, abused hard drugs, in rehab, etc. she got her shit together and got a full ride to UC Berkley, where she is now.
She recently broke up with her boyfriend who she was with for 5 years. She's been on a spiral. She texted me last week saying she was jumping off a bridge. I contacted the Berkley mental health office and they contacted PD. She eventually made her way to her psych's office, who declared her fine and not a threat to herself, he's also 85 years old, and my sister admits that he isn't good, he's just nice to her so she's sticking with him. Her medication hasn't been adjusted in a year because he thinks it's working for her.
Today my sister texts me that she's getting married. I call my mom. Apparently she is getting married to her drug dealer, so obviously she's using again. He sells coke and possibly heroin. I didn't respond to my sister. I don't even know what to say. She's destroying my family. My mom is becoming depressed over the situation. When my sister is manic, she calls my mom and screams at her, any time day or night. When my mom came to visit myself and DD, she spent the entire visit on the phone with my sister.
I've sent my sister tons of information about where she can get help. I've had the psyc at Berkley contact her but she won't contact them back, even though she promises me she will. I don't know what to do. I really feel like she's going to die or end up in jail. What else can I do?
TL/DR- my sister needs help and I don't know what to do.
She recently broke up with her boyfriend who she was with for 5 years. She's been on a spiral. She texted me last week saying she was jumping off a bridge. I contacted the Berkley mental health office and they contacted PD. She eventually made her way to her psych's office, who declared her fine and not a threat to herself, he's also 85 years old, and my sister admits that he isn't good, he's just nice to her so she's sticking with him. Her medication hasn't been adjusted in a year because he thinks it's working for her.
Today my sister texts me that she's getting married. I call my mom. Apparently she is getting married to her drug dealer, so obviously she's using again. He sells coke and possibly heroin. I didn't respond to my sister. I don't even know what to say. She's destroying my family. My mom is becoming depressed over the situation. When my sister is manic, she calls my mom and screams at her, any time day or night. When my mom came to visit myself and DD, she spent the entire visit on the phone with my sister.
I've sent my sister tons of information about where she can get help. I've had the psyc at Berkley contact her but she won't contact them back, even though she promises me she will. I don't know what to do. I really feel like she's going to die or end up in jail. What else can I do?
TL/DR- my sister needs help and I don't know what to do.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Help me with my sister (trigger warning)
I would check out support groups for lived ones of users. I'm blanking on the name.
Others here have more intimate knowledge and experience. Hopefully they will chime in
When my sister told me that she was going to kill herself, I immediately called authorities, primarily because she's not ever told me personally she was suicidal so I didn't know if she would follow through, but also to show my sister that I won't engage and I'll take these threats seriously. I don't know if that was the right thing to do. I love my sister, but I don't want her taking over my life like she has with my mom. I just want her to get help.
She primarily threatens suicide when talking to my mom. I'm going to talk to my mom about the hold. Thank you for the information.
Having gone through many periods of her using and going through rehab, and being a long term care RN case manager who has had several patients like my sister, I can only tell you what the others have said. Help but do not enable and encourage your mom and other loved ones to do the same. It was only when my sister ran out of money and supports that she made the change.
Thoughts and prayers for your sister.
In CA it's a WI (welfare and institutions code) 5150 hold for 72 hours. She can go herself, be committed by her doc or the police. She must be considered a danger to herself and others and t sounds like she's already gone through this part of the process. However, they often times won't even hold for 72 hours and having gone to Berkeley for undergrad and knowing the area I doubt Alta Bates hospital (where she would go) would hold her for long, but if she meets criteria, something is better than nothing.
Unfortunately the only way you can get some enforced services is when the criminal justice and mental health systems intersect. I agree with PP you need to work on getting services for yourself and your family.
Please pm me. I work in criminal justice and I am across a bridge from Berkeley/Alameda county and can look into resources for you. I have done a lot of work with our mental health courts and it's one area that means a lot to me.
Big hugs.