The Maury Show and TTC (kinda long)

zantster · September 2014

Sometimes I indulge in the kind of TV that not everyone may want to admit watching. That includes shows like Maury. I was watching it yesterday and something interesting occurred. The usual storyline was unfolding with a man who was denying his paternity and responsibility for a child while the woman claimed to be a hundred-million-thousand percent sure that he was the father.

His insistent denial that the child could not be his was based on the fact that it had been a drunken one night stand and that he didn't even remember sleeping with her. He also was motivated to deny any involvement since he was married and his wife was there as well. When Maury revealed the results, that the man was indeed the father of this adorable baby boy, the wife was dumbstruck.

She told Maury that she and her husband had been ttc for a year (the husband mumbled something about 2 1/2 years so maybe he included pre-marriage) and nothing had happened and she couldn't understand how he could go out and have a one night stand that immediately resulted in a baby with the other woman. The other woman didn't deny that it had only been one night.

I realized that was the only time I had ever actually seen or heard some of the frustration about differences in the time it takes for some women to conceive. I'd read about them of course from various posts where some people get frustrated when friends or family seem to have no issues with ttc quickly. But in those situations the couples involve different people and are second hand stories.

But to see something like this where they were sharing the same sexual partner with very different conception outcomes unfold right in front of me got me thinking. With all the odds and percentages and timing and charting that so many people here, including me, have relied on for months and sometimes years I think it still amazed me that that old saying that "it only takes one time" can really happen in such a random way.

To see the wife's anguish, anger, and frustration from ttc while the mistress danced around the stage and went off with her beautiful baby just reinforced how a bfp and thb is definitely not based on the deserving versus the undeserving. I think some of us can be hard on ourselves and feel like we must have done something wrong. Watching this was just more evidence that nothing could be further from the truth. I hope as we continue on this journey and support each other we all find the peace we need.

SwivelChair5 · September 2014

Wow, that's a big paragraph.

catahoulatte · September 2014

Just...What?

ematheis · September 2014

I know what you're saying... Definitely shows like Maury, perhaps Teen Mom, etc., highlight aspects of conceiving that are often misinterpretted/misunderstood by society. Sad.

icaughtfire · September 2014

Wait..who decides who's deserving & undeserving of babies?

zantster · September 2014

@icaughtfire You know how sometimes people post their beliefs about why some people have not gotten their thb and cause a lot of hurt on these boards. They actually think that for religious or other reasons that some people aren't "deserving" or "ready", which is absolutely ridiculous. This episode just drove home how completely insane that thought process is.

@ematheis You got it. That's exactly what I meant.

zantster · September 2014

@PenguinMG Nope I didn't need it to know it for myself. But it definitely reinforced the obvious in a way that made me think of how could some people still hold those thoughts and use them to hurt others here.

kelley72 · September 2014

hereistreble said:

ugh that makes me sad

mechedes · September 2014

Am I the only one who finds Maury sexy??!!

yaassgaga · September 2014

zantster · September 2014

@PenguinMG You definitely picked up on what can come across as a dash of "weirdness". I'm a very analytical person so when I see something in pop culture that reflects something I've read or observed elsewhere I tend to find it fascinating. And if I think sharing it might be interesting to others then I do. Sometimes people get it and sometimes they're like huh?

Growing up in a 1960s/1970s influenced atmosphere (older parents) with some of the usual parts of meditation, introspection, macrobiotic, hemp products, and a mixture of everything from Buddhism to Unitarianism to Catholicism definitely made me a bit different. That's why I loved my recent trip to Portland, OR, with DH which totally has the vibe I lean towards. I can go from attending a concert by the cellist Yo-Yo Ma to watching Maury. But at the end of the day I'm just another woman who is ttc like others here who wants to give and receive support.

@mechedes Nope this weird girl here sees him as a bit sexy too! But then again I tend to think most men who are confident can be sexy despite an unconventional look. Just look at Bill Clinton.

zantster · September 2014

Thanks everyone who pointed out the need for spacing in that long post. I definitely see how it can be hard on the eyes.

zantster · September 2014

@Musikalbunni I know what you mean but I think what struck me is that so many people look at shows like Maury and Jerry Springer and think that they could never have anything in common with any of the people who go on that show. But the wife who was cheated on was just as frustrated from previously ttc as many other people. So, in some cases I think there can be similarities of experience that aren't obvious at first glance when it's surrounded by dysfunction.

~Mrs.Wise~ · September 2014

If my husband took me on Maury to be a part of his fertility test with a mistress I would be thanking God and all things holy that I hadn't been KU by the lying asshole and that I could cut him loose immediately without 18 years of co-parenting in the future.

ayo82 · September 2014

Oh damn. I really thought this post was going to be about your experience on the show. At least there's Maury gifs.

thiscoffeechick · September 2014

Ok, OP, I'll bite. I understand what you are saying. I have a very young stepson who was conceived by his Mom and my Husband (before he and I met) over the course of a few drunken nights out and after her telling him she couldn't get pregnant. (He realizes he's a moron for having believed her and for not using condoms.)
I love my stepson more than life itself and if I had a time machine I wouldn't change a thing about DH's past but knowing that manipulative witch (who now makes our lives complete hell) got KU after a few tries and carried her pregnancy to term and I've struggled through 2 miscarriages... Stings.
It's not about who's deserving and who isn't (because other than the whole "parental alienation" thing, she's a good mother to my bonus son,) but the pain is exacerbated by the seeming ease with which she conceived and carried my DH's baby to term.
(Cue the: her fertility has no bearing on your own!)

virginiaorjohn · September 2014

VJ was here...

To tell you all that your mastery of gifs today is fucking BREATHTAKING.

maggie515 · September 2014

Wait, Maury is still on?

kath16 · September 2014

lauraneedscoffee said:

Ok, OP, I'll bite. I understand what you are saying. I have a very young stepson who was conceived by his Mom and my Husband (before he and I met) over the course of a few drunken nights out and after her telling him she couldn't get pregnant. (He realizes he's a moron for having believed her and for not using condoms.) I love my stepson more than life itself and if I had a time machine I wouldn't change a thing about DH's past but knowing that manipulative witch (who now makes our lives complete hell) got KU after a few tries and carried her pregnancy to term and I've struggled through 2 miscarriages... Stings. It's not about who's deserving and who isn't (because other than the whole "parental alienation" thing, she's a good mother to my bonus son,) but the pain is exacerbated by the seeming ease with which she conceived and carried my DH's baby to term. (Cue the: her fertility has no bearing on your own!)

Hi -- Not to be a downer amongst the amazing Maury gifs, but your story is very similar to mine. The only difference being that I've "only" had one miscarriage.

I mostly lurk but I honestly logged in just to give you a creepy internet hug

thiscoffeechick · September 2014

@kath16‌ thanks for saying Hi! I'm sorry for your loss. "Only" one is heartbreaking too.
Oh, and I made you this...

bobloblaw87 · September 2014

Just here for the Maury gifs. Also, when I visit my Grandma and I'm watching TV she'll come in and say, "is there anything better on?" and then she'll switch it to Maury and crank the volume up.

bobloblaw87 · September 2014

PrimRoseMama · September 2014

Omg the Popsicle-dick-flavor is so awful. $:\$ ">

I used to love watching Maury & Jerry until it suddenly started to bug me how much screaming/yelling goes on. I have a hard time now only because I don't understand why everything has to be at full volume. :-??

lilsneezy · September 2014

I like the episodes where the gf/wife insists on smelling her man's junk when he gets home.

daystardreams · September 2014

Yeah man, it happens in real life too. My BFF had unprotected sex with her boyfriend for five years. She found out he was cheating on her and had gotten a girl knocked up. She was so mad that they'd been NTNP and nothing for five years so she went on a drunken rebound with some guy, thinking that there was something wrong with her fertility and found out she was pregnant three weeks later. So after trying together for five years, they both produced offspring with other people within a month of each other. Crazy but true!

mosdub · September 2014

sangriapirate said:

OP, you are aware that this show is completely staged right?

Edited to add my curious GIF

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The Maury Show and TTC (kinda long)

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