If you can't say anything nice to the preggo, just lie.

brickcitylove · September 2014

My SO's mother invited us over for dinner this evening. He had to work late but the opportunity to get Colombian style lentils & rice was too good to pass up. I decided to go solo - brave new territory for both of us.

I haven't seen her in several weeks, if not a couple months. Nearly the first thing out of her mouth is, "You got so big!!"

Then peering around to look at my ass she says, "And in the back too!!!"

I want to blame it on a language barrier. Her English is certainly light years away from my Spanish (which I'm trying to learn) but sometimes things do get lost in translation. That would be the easy & nice explanation, of course.

Until she whipped out the baby pictures of her pregnant with SO and her oldest - in which she is thin and gorgeous and you can barely even tell she's pregnant.

Pass the donuts.

kc192 · September 2014

Lol language aside, some cultures don't filter quite as much as we do!! My MIL told me the other day that it was possible for me to have a 10 lb baby the way I was growing. She does NOT have culture or language as an excuse though.

I'll take a donut. Or three.

marvan5 · September 2014

I would love a little something extra on the back side! But she should still keep that kind of comment to herself. I've had to explain to my husband that he doesn't get to call me "fat" even though my round belly technically could be considered a "fat" belly... and my boobs have increased from a D cup to G cup... He tries to do it sweetly, but there is no such thing with the F word involved... especially when you're preggo. Don't let it get to you!! We are going through an "amazing" (a subjective and somewhat forced term, I suppose) thing; EFF what everyone perceives about our bodies' changes.

NatureLovers · September 2014

As a hispanic person, I can tell you this is cultural. They do not believe they're being offensive, they're just commenting on facts. Still annoying though.

LOZENGER25 · September 2014

I keep getting told I'm not pregnant, just fat. It's one of the most annoying things ever

Maebb · September 2014

Thai people also don't find it rude to comment on body size. Could be cultural.

Anyway, I maintain that the only thing safe to say about a woman's pregnant body is "you look great" or "you look fabulous."

AggieMom0809 · September 2014

Normally I'd rather hear the truth than something sugar coated to my face because they think they should and talk behind my back, but that was extremely blunt. I get the getting big from the front, but why was she even looking at the back? smh Next time throw a snippy remark back at her that may shut her up.

BookitBoo · September 2014

Like @NatureLovers‌ said, Try not to take it personally it's cultural.

I'm proud of you for taking that step and going over without yourSO and I hope it didn't scare you off going next time!

Was the food everything you hoped for?

sparksfly22 · September 2014

I agree with @NatureLovers‌ as well. I have a Hispanic family and my mom has no filter. I'm not close with my dads side because they go beyond what is considered okay. My grandmother told me 'January babies are usually born with defects' when she should have been saying 'congratulations! Thank you for sharing even though I've been the worst piece of shit human since you were born!' She was also the one that told my dad to get a paternity test done when I was born because I looked 'too white and Chinese' (and my father is dark and Dominican).

There's no point in trying to reason with Hispanic people. They stand by their side and just blame you for being 'too sensitive'. I suggest ignoring her comments but if it gets too rude then tell your SO that he needs to talk with her about how to treat you since he loves you and you are about to be part of his family and you will be dealing with this for years if you don't comment (at least to him) about it now.

Other than that, I do hope you enjoyed the food and that they realize it was big step for you

luckylady18 · September 2014

A few people at work yesterday told me "you're getting so big!" I obviously am getting bigger, but I was surprised yesterday b/c I thought the dress I was wearing made my bump look nice - not too big. I guess I was wrong - everyone was acting like I had blown up over night or something.

Today I'm wearing all black. I'm over it.

honeybeee3 · September 2014

I have a friend who is Cambodian and she explained to me that in their culture, they don't normally ask questions like "how are you?" when they greet someone. Instead they comment on your weight and your appearance. People who are not accustom to that would probably find it really offensive but like PP's said every culture is different.

aerotigergirl · September 2014

When I was in college, I used to study and do homework with a friend of mine in a common space in one of the buildings on campus. We looked like college students, you know? We both had our hair pulled back into ponytails, we both wore glasses, we both dressed in comfy "study" clothes, etc.

Anyway, there was an international student in the building who was trying very hard to improve his English, and he would often come by and chat with us if he found us studying late at night. One night he said to us (I'm going to try to get this verbatim...):

"You look same, except you (gesturing to my friend) much bigger."

She was significantly heavier than me, and I was overweight, even back then. Both of us were sort of mortified. What he'd said was perfectly normal to him. It was just an observation, and he was trying to learn how to communicate in English, so he was just saying what he saw. Still, I was embarrassed for my friend. We laughed about it eventually, but it was a shock in the moment.

spoonleg · September 2014

I agree that her comment was not intended to be hurtful or rude, but probably a result of cultural differences.

I live in South America, and it is not uncommon for people to tell me, "You look huge!" It's also quite acceptable for strangers to touch the belly and talk to the babies. Fortunately, I don't take offense to these things and also realize that I'm living in another country and have to make an effort to accept and adapt to their cultural norms.

I've also found that many people here consider North Americans overly sensitive and private. It just seems plain odd to them that Americans get so butthurt over comments about weight/appearance and do not enjoy being touched or kissed by strangers.

forthelove12 · September 2014

I was facetiming my 21 month old nephew last night. He calls me "Mimi." As soon as he saw me he said "Mimi fat!" I actually think he may be brilliant if he associated my big belly with the word "fat" even though it's not very flattering. %-(

twinwtwins · September 2014

As Homer Simpson would say "mmmm donut" sorry I got distracted! When I was working (bartender) at least three times a day I was told how big or large I was getting. Didn't bother me too much but I so for them drunk enough to say it so... Kinda my fault on that one lol

bravemommy · September 2014

My husband's grandmother is from Germany and the last time I saw her she remarked on my weight. When I told her I'd actually lost 4 pounds she said "good" and I said "nooooo cause I'm not on a diet." I feel your pain.

EricaVC · September 2014

I agree that you shouldn't take it personally. Let your SO know what she said. Recently a lady in my office building said she thought I was just gaining weight and was trying to hide it; then proceeded to rub my belly and make small take. She wasn't the 1st to do it, but my mom n OBY/GYN said to bite my lip n smile it off cause LOTS of other ppl will do or say uncomfortable things until the baby gets here; because they want to have something to say! I guess this is the "pregnancy" tradition.