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November 2013 Moms
tatithomas
member
Adventures in MILs
tatithomas
member
So my MIL watches DS 3 times a week when DH and I are working. She used to watch him 5 times a week, but I was very unhappy with the situation and finally convinced DH to scale back and allow DS to go to daycare 2 days a week. My MIL believes her grandson should be with family ALL the time, so it was a major victory to at least get two days to separate from the ILs.
So DH and I have ben struggling with DS sleeping. He would wake 5, 6, 7, ... 10 times a night, and we'd have to rock, rub his back, or something else to get him back to sleep. Given we've got another little one on the way we finally decided we needed to do something that would WORK and hired a sleep consultant who devised a plan for us and spent a night with us at home. It worked surprisingly well!! Within one night DS was sleeping 12 hours straight! Even his naps were improving.
Fast forward to Monday when it's back to grandmas. We gave her the new schedule, explained the process, and told her there would be some crying involved, but we were really emotionally and monetarily invested in this and she had to stick to the plan. Naps at her house have been horrible!! He actually gets himself to sleep decently, but only stays asleep for 15-20min before crying. Both MIL and FIL say they can't handle the crying and text/call DH and me all day at work asking what to do. Today she couldn't take it and took him from his crib and let him sleep on her bed. When she told us he was napping in her bed we asked her to immediately transfer him to the crib, even if sleeping, he at least needs to sleep there. She transferred him and he woke and she texted me "So, are you happy now?"
I have no words. Just needed to vent. Thanks!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Adventures in MILs
You said your ILs feel that he needs to be with family at all times, not that you feel that way. It sounds nice in theory and would be great if it was working out, but it's clearly not. My parents do things the way I ask but I promise you if I told them to let the baby cry at all, even for a minute, they would not listen to me.
I get why you're upset but your ILs are doing you a favor by watching the baby. If you have a parenting practice that makes them uncomfortable you're asking a lot if you expect them to listen to their grandson crying when they feel like they can do something to help him.
cagoldi But the thing is they are not doing me a favor by watching him. I don't want them to and hate that I felt pushed into this situation. I would much rather he be at daycare full time where they respect my wishes and do their best to involve me in his care - daily reports, webcams, immediately answering my questions over the phone anytime during the day. I'm lucky if I get a picture of two a day from MIL. Trust me, if I had my way it would be daycare, and it's been a huge point of contention between me and DH, unfortunately.
So not only do I feel bullied into a situation, on top of it I don't feel respected and I feel uncomfortable around the caregivers of my son and its a horrible feeling
@MotherEFFingKatie no it's not a bad thing and I appreciate it's a hard thing for them; it is for me too. I also know that there are many varying opinions on sleep training on this board and not everyone will agree with the method, but he wakes 10 times a night and has no ability to get himself back to sleep. In a matter of days of working with the sleep consultant (cleared by my pediatrician) he has slept better and longer than he has in a long time and as a result has been more alert and happier during the days. So while I can appreciate that it's hard to see him cry, I would also like them to understand that in the long run it is what we, as his parents, feel is best for him. I wasn't asking them to ignore him for hours, just give him a little time to settle himself and learn.
Her response to me was what upset me the most today. I thought it was a little uncalled for.
I don't know what you should do long term, or that the situation is even 'serious' enough that it warrants a change in your arrangement, but I get that her comment would piss you off- it would anger me too, like obviously your not happy that he woke up and is crying!
I hope you can get them on board with your sleep training.
Also do keep in mind that you are lucky to have family so eager to help, even if you chose not to use their help, it's nice that they want to.
Give her another chance. And maybe find an outlet for your stress, go get a manicure with the money you are saving for daycare, or a pair of shoes or ice cream or whatever make you happy. That's what I do. Ok maybe that was a bit of advice.