Frustrated With My Parents and Rabies Question

stra0111 · September 2014

Paranoid poof

greenbeanqueen · September 2014

I am pretty sure that you can't get rabies from drowned chipmunks. It's pretty disturbing that your mom is drowning small animals though. That doesn't seem humane.

stra0111 · September 2014

This whole incident really bothers me. I know if I address this with them my feelings will be shot down and they will just keep the trap away when I am there.

ASmallWonder · September 2014

I'm not sure exactly why you think you can get rabies from the water in which dead animals are floating but I think it's completely fucked up that A) your parents are luring and drowning animals and that they are then

knowingly leaving said animals in the bucket. Gross.

stra0111 · September 2014

CTGirl30 said:

Ok, that's really gross but I wouldn't jump to rabies so much as I would be sanitizing the shit out of her hands and giving my mother an earful about not letting the grand kids near her homemade animal traps. Ick. I mean....gross, yes, but as long as she didn't ingest any of the water or have open wounds on her hands I think the most harmful thing is the ick factor here.... I mean, call your Ped to check for sure if you need to...

Thank you. I need all the reassurance. I am naturally a worrier, so I'm having a hard time with this. As soon as I went inside with her I did put sanitizer all over her hands. I also checked for cuts and when we got home I changed her clothes and washed her up again. I know she was aware I was not pleased about the situation.

stra0111 · September 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

I mean to an outsider this seems like a small, weird, horrible incident. It sounds like there might be a lot more between you and this is the straw that broke the camels back for you today? Your feelings are valid and I'd be really upset too. I just think maybe you're super upset, and I'm not sure as an isolated incident this is worthy of super upset.

You are correct. This is definitely the straw. She used to be quite involved with my DD1 and for the last several months she could care less to see us anymore. She is always promising DD1 that they will do things and it doesn't happen. She never wants to come to our house but wants us to go there.

stra0111 · September 2014

ASmallWonder said:

I'm not sure exactly why you think you can get rabies from the water in which dead animals are floating but I think it's completely fucked up that A) your parents are luring and drowning animals and that they are then knowingly leaving said animals in the bucket. Gross.

My thought about rabies was that rabies lives in their saliva and I would think if they are dead in the water, the saliva would be there. I agree on the drowning. That's part of my feelings. I think drowning an animal is inhumane. They didn't know there were any in it yet. Obviously a possibility though.

stra0111 · September 2014

BunkinMama said:

If its the trap I'm thinking of they could put a lid on it. But ya know, I'm kinda out there. Chances of rabies is slim. The chipmunks drowned, if they even had rabies they probably didn't have open wounds themselves. Wash wash and rewash, sanitize. And if you're still concerned call your pedi, pedi will probably tell you to watch for a fever or vomiting or diarrhea.

Thank you for your response. The trap bothers me. I think it is an inhumane way to go about it. I grew up in the country, I've seen some gross things as far as ridding "pests" go. I really don't like the drowning aspect though.

stra0111 · September 2014

PrivacyWanted said:

stra0111 said:

I agree. It's my step-dad who does the traps. But obviously she goes along with it. She's normally an animal lover. She has been acting very differently lately. Huge part of the breaking down of our relationship. This whole incident really bothers me. I know if I address this with them my feelings will be shot down and they will just keep the trap away when I am there.

I think the other ladies have handled the rabies issue,so I'll just focus on the parents part.

I don't have a good relationship with my mom, who remarried about a year ago (my dad passed away 7 years ago this month). While we've never had a fantastic relationship, it has gotten worse the last few years as who she was for the first 26 years of my life, is not the woman she is today. I've had a lot of therapy to deal with it all, and one thing I did learn is that sometimes early dementia is shown through personality changes - my mom's are drastic, I'm not sure if yours are.
Also how long have they been married? Because you call them your parents, i assume awhile?

But really, I think therapy for you could really help. Sometimes I think you need to process and grieve the relationship you wish you had in order to deal with the relationship you do have

Thank you for your response.

ASmallWonder · September 2014

FTR, I think trapping or even killing a rodent in your home is absolutely different from luring an animal outside. They LIVE outside! Unless they are clearly sick and there's a health risk, you don't lure, trap and kill animals living in their own environment

stra0111 · September 2014

TyrannosaurusLex said:

That does sound like she's pretty difficult and your relationship is floundering, understandably. Can you take a step back for a bit? I know thanksgiving is only a couple weeks away but maybe force yourself to go "off the grid" for a while. Remember that you cannot control her, only yourself. My relationship with my mom is similarly toxic and when things get bad, I have to step back and work on me for a while before I can be in contact with her (easier said than done, she's my neighbour).

I think you are right. That is what I need. Also right though, easier said than done. They live 10 minutes from me now. I very much feel the toxic part. However, I would bet her thoughts on our relationship is "everything is great!". Is that how it is for you? I feel like when we interact, I leave feeling like a mess and she's just fine. Does that make ae

stra0111 · September 2014

What's crazy is I thought I wrote "Does that make sense?" But apparently made a typo and wrote ae instead of sense. You read my mind Tlex

cyprissa · September 2014

I have a tough relationship with my mom too so hugs. It can be really rough. After seeing a therapist, I learned some good info like, people with mental health issues can get worse with age depending on the disorder and while the therapist couldn't truly diagnose my mother without seeing her, he felt that she exhibited classic symptoms of borderline personality disorder which definitely gets worse over time. You need to work on your ability to set boundaries and on how to disengage when the acting up starts. Also, you can figure out coping mechanisms and ways to meet on neutral territory. My mom is also remarried, and I think her husband ( they got married only in 2010) contributes to her issues.

stra0111 · September 2014

Thank you guys for your advice. Do any of my fellow Canadians know how to go about therapy? I don't know where to start. I assume you pay out of pocket? I think I would be too nervous to talk to a stranger, but then again I assume a good therapist knows how to get you to open up?

RayRay007 · September 2014

Do you have an EAP program at work? I'd check that out first. If not, maybe ask for a recommendation from your doctor. You will want to look into whether your insurance covers it, otherwise you will pay OOP. It's not covered under the health act.

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