Won't ask to use the potty

michelle142 · September 2014

DS is 2 - will be 3 in December. He didn't show any interest in using the potty until last weekend and we didn't push it. He woke up last Saturday and asked to wear big boy underwear so we just went with it.

We explained that pee and poop should go in the toilet and proceeded to take him to the bathroom every 1 to 2 hours. He did awesome and only had 1 accident in 3 days.

Here's the problem - he doesn't ever tell us when he needs to go or ask to go. It's like he just waits for us to take him. He had 2 accidents at daycare because he didn't tell his teachers he had to go. We (us and the teachers) explained to him that it's ok to ask and he should ask or say something when he needs to go, but it doesn't seem to be clicking.

Is this just something that will happen with time? Any advice or tips?

ETA: I know accidents are bound to happen, I'm just trying to figure out the best way to encourage him to ask/say he needs to go.

NCMichelle · September 2014

My 3.5 year old DS is the same way. Still. He's been "potty trained" for about a year now - but never says that he has to go. We have tried EVERYTHING... bribes, rewards, natural consequences, etc. I just keep telling myself that he will not go to college peeing his pants.

michelle142 · September 2014

We're trying a sticker chart as a reward for asking (among other things) right now. Maybe that will work, maybe not.

My sister said one day it will just click. His teacher said that he'll soon realize that accidents cut into his play time and he'll start asking.

Wishful thinking that maybe that will happen sooner rather than later - I'm nervous to go anywhere because he won't tell us he needs to go.

ashiscute · September 2014

michelle142 said:

We're trying a sticker chart as a reward for asking (among other things) right now. Maybe that will work, maybe not.

My sister said one day it will just click. His teacher said that he'll soon realize that accidents cut into his play time and he'll start asking.

Wishful thinking that maybe that will happen sooner rather than later - I'm nervous to go anywhere because he won't tell us he needs to go.

I think kids are actually better at this when they're not at home as are adults. When we go out I'm super conscious of DD acting like she has to go potty (fidgeting, holding herself, etc). And I always have her go potty before we leave. I think he'll get it you just need to give him time.

cedenton · September 2014

bribes! I know they can't do much at DC, but I think ours does stickers. I bought candy and toys from the dollar store. In the beginning he got stickers to play with on the potty and then candy or a toy for going pee or poo. I say make it a bootcamp weekend with bribes and see if it helps at DC.

michelle142 · September 2014

cedenton said:

bribes! I know they can't do much at DC, but I think ours does stickers. I bought candy and toys from the dollar store. In the beginning he got stickers to play with on the potty and then candy or a toy for going pee or poo. I say make it a bootcamp weekend with bribes and see if it helps at DC.

It's not actually going that's the problem - it's him telling us he needs to go. When we bring him every 2ish hours he pees or poops and then goes about his day. It's those times inbetween that he needs to go and doesn't say anything that's leading to accidents.

cedenton · September 2014

Honestly if not even bribes are giving him the incentive to be more aware and start telling you, then he's probably not ready.

michelle142 · September 2014

cedenton said:

Honestly if not even bribes are giving him the incentive to be more aware and start telling you, then he's probably not ready.

He goes just fine when you bring him. He was accident free all day yesterday. He may not be ready to tell us, but he's certainly ready to use the potty.

cedenton · September 2014

One of the points of bribes is to give them an incentive to tell you that they need to go or to go themselves. If bribes don't do it and he doesn't care that he's in a dirty diaper/underwear, then I'm not sure what would help. Maybe a sticker chart, but that's just another form of bribe.

Are you exclusively using underwear during the day?

michelle142 · September 2014

He DOES care that he has accidents/wet underwear/etc. He just can't quite grasp the concept of telling someone he needs to go.

We have a sticker chart that earns him stickers for various things (pulling pants up/down on his own, peeing pooping, washing his hands) The only column he's struggling with is telling/asking to use the potty.

He does tell us when he has to poop, but not pee.

He's exclusively in underwear during the day but wears a pull-up overnight.

cedenton · September 2014

michelle142 said:

He DOES care that he has accidents/wet underwear/etc. He just can't quite grasp the concept of telling someone he needs to go.

We have a sticker chart that earns him stickers for various things (pulling pants up/down on his own, peeing pooping, washing his hands) The only column he's struggling with is telling/asking to use the potty.

He does tell us when he has to poop, but not pee.

He's exclusively in underwear during the day but wears a pull-up overnight.

Okay, then, I guess just keep reinforcing the telling you part.

Is it that he doesn't want to stop what he's doing to go? Do you have a floor potty? We have a tri-level house so I bring the floor potty with us to the rooms we spend the most time in, including the playroom. I feel like having the potty in his line of sight helps him to "remember" he needs to go.

Stick with the undies and good luck!

shannm · September 2014

Try a day at home where you don't take him at all unless he asks. Remind him that he has to tell you, but don't take him. Yep, he'll have accidents but perhaps he doesn't grasp that he is in control because you eventually take him. I know we trained DS by putting him in complete control from day 1 and he only had accidents at daycare when the teachers started taking him in regular intervals and he stopped monitoring himself. As soon as they stopped taking him, he was fine.

Won't ask to use the potty

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