Well-meaning friends. BFP (not mine) and kids mentioned.

Sigh202 · September 2014

A friend recently told me that she was pregnant and I really appreciated her telling me in person before posting about it on FB. But I really wish she would spare me the details like the sex of the baby, how her other kids reacted and that she got pregnant again on the 1st month of trying, etc. I want to be supportive but I really don't know how to tell friends to spare me ALL the details. Advice? It doesn't help that I'm in the 2WW and having AF type cramps.

gnl42 · September 2014

When things like this happen, I just grin and bear it and don't ask any questions - soon enough, the topic changes. I don't know if that's the best way to handle it, but it works for me. I'm afraid that by saying something more direct, I will open up a conversation that I don't want to have. It can be really hard with pregnant friends or those with babies, especially when you wish them well (but just don't want it in your face when you are struggling). I just remind myself that most of them don't know about my situation and even if they do, they probably don't really get how horrible and all consuming it is.

I had AF type cramps and AF type low back pain in the 2 ww and continue to have the low back pain now. It is common in early pregnancy. Of course, it can also be a sign of AF to come. You just can't put much thought into those symptoms! I know it is much easier said than done. Hang in there.

airidh80 · September 2014

*hugs*

I'm sorry you had to deal with that. Even when they know you're going through infertility, some people just don't get it. After my first cycle ended poorly, one of our friends actually said, "But you can just try again, right?" My DH lost it on him.

As for the cramps, I had absolutely vicious, breathtaking cramps for days following my FET, and I'm still in this thing. I know how hard it is to remember this while it's happening to you, but cramps really are quite common during the 2WW following IVF.

*hugs again*

runforcookies · September 2014

I'm sorry. There's no "best" way to handle those situations. I feel like no matter what somebody is going to feel weird, I tend to just let it be me. I feel like at this point it's best that way.

KM721 · September 2014

I actually prefer to communicate with my friend who is pregnant through texting. We slowly made the transition to texting, and I think this is also the way I'd want to find out BFP news from others. That way, there's not the pressure to react "appropriately" according to everyone else's standards.

I also think it is okay to not follow the regular "How are you feeling?" protocols, as someone mentioned above. I work with someone who is absolutely adorably 8 months pregnant, and I never ask her about it. Everyone else asks her how she's doing and says how cute she looks--I figure, let them take care of it. Not my role this time around.

siempre595 · September 2014

I snapped at one friend who kept complaining about her three kids who she conceived after collectively trying for 2 months. Snapped her head off.

It did hurt our friendship temporarily, but it also did really open her eyes to how insensitive she was being around multiple women having trouble conceiving.

I don't recommend being rude….but sometimes…it happens.

daydreamernyc · September 2014

I agree with the previous comments.... It sucks and I just grin and bear it. I don't ask questions and look to change the subject when there is a good opportunity. IF is hard and it's even harder when you are surrounded by pregnant women. In the past week 3 people at work announced. All the oooh'ing and aaah'ing was hard.

Sigh202 · September 2014

I think I'll take the middle road and at least tell her not to text sonogram photos. Thanks all.

starlightgator · September 2014

I'm so sorry you had to endure that. Why are people so ignorantly insensitive? I feel like it's actually more than rude, it's irresponsible for others to behave like that.

LynnLee7 · September 2014

My husband and I decided to be upfront with family and friends about our infertility and I really think it makes a difference if people know and they tend to be more sensitive about it. With that being said this journey has been a real eye opener for me to see who is supportive and who is not. Currently in one hand my SIL is in full term ready to pop and has been my biggest supporter, even threw me and DH a small family dinner when she found out we were proceeding with IVF and my insurance is covering it. On the other hand my cousin and childhood BFF the one I'm closest with is a BOTB Nazi with daily pics, count downs, baby everything through texts and facebook. Her shower is planned during my possible ER-ET time and doesn't understand why I "might" not make it to her shower and is upset with me about it, she even asked if I could cancel or reschedule. Some people get it, some don't. Im sorry your going through it.

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Well-meaning friends. BFP (not mine) and kids mentioned.

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