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Late Term and Child Loss
diamante1181
member
Second time a Loss Mom
diamante1181
member
Hey everyone. I know it's been a while. I was pg most recently until this Saturday. Turns out I had an incompetent cervix, and I was already dilated by the time I got to L and D. I'm so heartbroken, we are missing our little girl Phoebe. I got as far as 19w3d. She was born alive and I got to hold her as much as I wanted. I didn't ever think I could lose another baby but here I am, broken hearted and angry and I just don't understand how this could've happened. I feel like my life is over now that I've lost twins and yet another angel. Why does God hate me?? I'm really starting to hate Him for allowing this to happen yet again. How am I supposed to carry on? We've had to do it once but now having to do this a second time, I don't know how much I can bear. I miss her so much, she had so much personality in the womb. Everytime I would see her on u/s she was doing something goofy, like in one she had her thumb up, another she was waving.
We're just so devastated at having another loss, it makes me terrified for my marriage also, because I feel like it's all my fault for having a healthy baby and a shitty womb for her. The MFM told me that next time they will do a cerclage and 17p shots, I just don't know when that next time will be. I feel like, maybe this isn't for us if it's happened twice already, but there is a great part of me that refuses to quit because we want a family so badly. It's just not fair that this has happened, and my poor dh dragged along for the ride. We've been crying non-stop it seems. I wish I could go back in time and be more aggressive with my ob, tell them to give me a pelvic exam to make sure I was ok, etc. I don't understand b/c I didn't have IC last time, and they most recently did an u/s that said my cervix was at 4.9. So I'm definitely clueless as to why this has happened. I miss my baby girl.
On 10/23/13 Baby Sophie and Baby Gabriel born at 21+5 weeks. They grew wings and flew away from us. May God bless them always. We love you beans!
Phoebe Jaslene born at 19w3d. We love you beba! 
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Second time a Loss Mom
I too have an IC dx and more to say, but I will have to come back and write it later on today.
In the meantime, I offer stranger hugs, and my th
queer couple - 32 (me) & 33 (my love) years old - donor sperm,
Our IF/TTC journey since Nov 2012.
Me: dx of DOR in Nov. 2012. Low AMH, AFC - 6, Normal FSH, SS-A (RO) Antibodies (Autoimmune issues), tubes clear, Sono (November 2013) NORMAL! <p>
7 IUI's - December 2012-September 2013. Medicated, Injected, Triggered.... all BFN.
My Love: (the amazing @Healz413)
Normal AMH & FSH, AFC ~27, blocked tube dx'd via HSG in 2012. Hydrosalpinx & ovarian cyst dx'd in May 2013.
dx of Stage IV Endo & bilateral salpinectomy in June 2013.
Partner IVF#1a- December 2013 - H's eggs, my Ute - CANCELLED due to low response
Partner IVF #1b - February 2014 - H's eggs, my Ute - ER February 4 (10 retrieved, 3 fertilized), Transfer Feb 7 of one Grade 1 and one Grade 2 day 3 embryos. 1 - Day 3, Grade 1 frosty saved. BFP - 6dp3dt via FRER, Beta #1 - 110, Beta #2 175, Beta #3 - 348, Beta #4 - 2222!, Beta #5 - 4255. Ultrasound (6w1d) - 2 heartbearts!
We lost our beautiful Twin baby girls on June 18, 2014. Tavin Sara and Casey Elizabeth were born at 21 weeks gestation and were absolutely beautiful, precious, amazing babies. We miss our daughters every day and love them with all our hearts.
***************siggy warning**************
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss. I just doesn't seem fair. The only thing I can offer is hugs and support. You have such a heavy burden to carry right now and I'm so sorry for that.
Our Ben looked just like dh too. Since we have a dd, who looks just like me, he thought of Ben as his little buddy. I hope you find some peace today as you return to work. Be kind to yourself.
Oh honey, I am so incredibly sorry. The universe is so cruel.
October 2011 - DS (7)
July 2014 - Stillborn DD (24 weeks)
August 2015 - DD (3)
April 2018 - 5 week loss
Brooke Elizabeth born Feb 17, 2013 grew wings May 9, 2013 @ 11 weeks & 4 days old from SIDS
Asher born February 5, 2011.
Baby #2 born sleeping at 20 weeks. May 6, 2014.
Praying For Your Strength And Peace.
I Peter 5:10 NKJV
But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.
TTC since 10/2010
IUIs # 1-5 = BFFN
IVF # 1(July 2012) = BFN
IVF # 2 (November 2012) = BFP (MIssed MC D&C @ 8w3d on 1/10/13)
Please know its not your fault... even though you know that it takes a long time to accept that in your heart. ((Hugs)) to you momma....
I am so incredibly sorry. I cannot even fathom what you are feeling right now. I just want to offer huge, huge (((hugs)))
My Blog
BFP# 1 7/7/12 Beautiful DD born still at 36 weeks 5 days on 3/2/13
Diagnosed with PCOS in 2005. Started Metformin July 2013
Please be our rainbow!!
**All AL Welcome**
8/12-Suprise BFP- Sweet Bunny Born Sleeping 11/21/12 (19 weeks)
-5/7/13- MMC (8 Weeks)
11/6/13- BO discovered at 7 weeks- natural MC 11/25/13
8/14- Surpise IF dx...low AMH (.24)- moving on to IVF
IVF #1- 11/14- 6R5M4F=2 perfect frosties
12/19/14- FET of 2 embabies = BFP!!! One Little Bean EDD: 9/3/15
Everyone Welcome.
***sig warning***
I am so sorry, this is heartbreaking. Losing one baby is terrible enough, I cannot imagine doing it again.
Me 32 (Stage IV Endometriosis, short luteal phase) DH 38
Married 5/2010
January 2014- DS born healthy at 35.4 weeks
February 2014- DS passed away due to complications from adenovirus
February 2015- Rainbow baby DD born at 36.3 weeks
My chart: http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/42fd32
I am so so sorry for your loss of beautiful Phoebe. Nothing about it is fair and I hope you know there is nothing you did to bring this about. You aren't at fault and you aren't being punished-even though I know it can feel that way
I don't personally believe in puffy white clouds version of Heaven, but I do believe that our energy and our unique spirits do exist before and after our time on Earth- that being said, I believe the Phoebe definitely DOES know how much you and your H love her and how much she was wanted and cherished. And I also believe that her unique spark of life is united with the beautiful and unique sparks of Sophie and Gabriel.
TTC since 2008
Dh:34, no issues. Me:31, Endo, slightly hypothyroid, deformed ovary, paracentric inversion.
4 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone +TI cycles= all BFN
Lap in 2012 to remove large unresolving cyst discovered endo and double lobed ovary.
6 Gonal-F, Cetrotide, HcG, Crinone IUI cycles= All BFN,
1st IVF w/ICSI- June '13 Antagonist: Gonal-F, Menopur, Ganirelix, HcG, Estradiol, Crinone= 7 retrieved, 4 mature, 1 unfertilized, 2 abnormally fertilized, 1 normally fertilized. 2DT of only embryo and our miracle BFP.
Our beloved baby boy was born sleeping Oct. 13, 2013 due to pROM/IC/Uterine infection.
2nd IVF w/ICSI- Feb. '14 EPP/lupron/antagonist: Estrace, lupron, HGH, Gonal-F, Menopur, HcG, PIO, lovenox, doxy/dex.=21 retrieved, 16 mature, 15 fertilized!! 5dt of 1 blast/ 6 frozen. BFP! Beta 1 9dp5dt:83.9 Beta 2: 11dp5dt: 145.2 Beta 3 14dp5dt: 497 Please be our sticky rainbow baby!
I'm so so sorry for your losses. It is incredibly unfair, my heart hurts for you. I do believe your babies know how much you love and wanted them. Big hugs sweetie!
My Pregnancy/Parenting BLOG TTC since 5/2011, BFP #1 12/3/11, M/C 12/7/11 @ 4wks 2d. Began seeing RE Sep 2012. October 2012 Metformin 1500 mg= ovulation on CD34 BFP#2 11/14/12 9DPO, EDD 7/26/13, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks, our angel born sleeping 3/24/13 @ 22wks 2d. BFP #3 7/4/13 8DPO EDD 3/22/14, DX Gestational Diabetes @14 wks. started insulin @16 wks. Our rainbow, born 3/19/14 @ 39wks 6d., we're so in love!
BFP #2 - EDD 2/26/12 M/C 6/28/11 @ 5w2d
BFP #3 - EDD 4/7/12 M/C 8/2/11 @ 4w2d
Too beautiful for this earth
BFP #4 - EDD 12/09/12, Lucille arrived 11/26/12
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful name you chose for your daughter and I am sure she felt yours and Dhs love from the beginning.
You are right it isn't fair and you have every right to feel how you are feeling((hugs)) T&P's to you and DH
*** Ticker warning****
I'm a little late to this post but I'm so so so sorry to be reading this. This just breaks my heart for you and YH that this would happen again. Its so incredibly unfair. My Ts&Ps are going out to you (((hugs))))
NTNP 2009-2012 TTC since 2012:
Jack has handpicked his sibling up there
My blog about IF and loss ... Kate's IF Blog
