Godparents

britb618 · September 2014

For those who will follow this tradition and have godparents, how are you making this decision and have you made it already. Is it a religious decision for you or just a special title for someone? Does it have to be family or are you opposed to it being family.

With my daughter it was simple, I always wanted my brother to be the god father for my first child. Growing up in a family that dealt with abuse and neglect from the men in our lives we were extremely close with each other and my mom, we were like the three muskateers if that makes sense. So my mom is our chosen guardian for my daughter and if she isn't around we chose my brother so having him as the god father seemed to make sense to both my husband and I. However, my husband is catholic and I converted when I got pregnant so since my brother wasn't we needed the god mother to be catholic. We ended up choosing my moms best friend who never had a daughter and I am happy with that choice. This time around my husband and I both do not wish to do his brother. For a variety of reasons but mainly my husband and his brother are not close anymore and we don't believe him and his now wife will stay married so choosing her is definitely not an option. We would like to choose a couple who we had in our wedding and we both love but that aren't family. We feel like if we don't do family and make this more like a special title for friends (since family is already special) then it shouldn't be as bad that we aren't choosing his brother. I know that is wishful thinking and that my husbands family will go ballistic but in the end we will do what we think is best for our son and our family.

So what are you guys doing?

britb618 · September 2014

yea although we are catholic and there will be a ceremony, it really is just a title. I don't expect these people to help raise my child with the religious teachings. However, because of the fact that we are catholic they do have to be catholic for the baptism...so sorta religious?

CoachTay · September 2014

We're stuggling a bit too. My brother and SIL are B's godparents (we are catholic... my brother is catholic, SIL is not). I only have 1 sibling (my brother) and H is an only child. SO, we're trying to determine if my brother and SIL will be godparents to #2, or if we will go a different route. We both have close friends that we would consider to be godparents, but they are not catholic, which presents a problem.

BookitBoo · September 2014

We named our close friends, both of whom we are close to and I hope that our son is similarly close to.

This time we will choose SIL, who has matured a great deal, and DH's close friend.

southernyankeegirl · September 2014

It won't be popular with our predominantly Catholic and Episcopalian families, but we aren't having a christening as we are atheists. So no "godparents".

We did have a long conversation about guardians and trusts if something were to happen to both DH and me. We both agree that we'd want my brother and his fiancée to raise our children if we couldn't, and when I last saw them I asked them (it was a mushy, tearful conversation with lots of hugs). They said yes, gladly.

We would have my father manage the estate and financial planning, which he's great at, until a point where my brother needed or wanted to take over that aspect. It's all in a will, which is already written. We have a format we will sign in the next few weeks, and another format that will be signed shortly after our son's birth as there are certain things you can't do in a will with regards to a child who doesn't exist yet.

They have chosen to use the term "godparents" which is fine. Mostly they'll be Aunt and Uncle, with it well known that they'd be the guardians if needed.

kbl13 · September 2014

We chose close friends for godparents for DS and will do the same for this LO. The guardians we selected in our will are family members.

RibbetRibbet · September 2014

My SIL and BIL are our son's godparents, and will be for this baby too. They are also who are written in our Will to get our children and all our assets. It was a really hard choice, but in the end I think it was: 1) their morals 2) how they raise their children 3) the fact that their children are all older and one already has moved out 4) plus they also manage money well (which I know sounds like a dumb reason but it was important to us).

britb618 · September 2014

@ribbetribbet, I kind of like the idea of it being the same with your reasoning and if my brother was married ( I adore his girlfriend) I would probably have convinced my husband of that. And it is not dumb at all to worry about how they manage money;if they are responsible for your kids that is very important!

amiej1227 · September 2014

I grew up Catholic so all I know is the Godparents are at the baptism. Since I'm not Catholic really anymore but still want my children to have Godparents how does it work? Do you just tell the person we chose you to be the godfather etc? Do you have a ceremony?

RibbetRibbet · September 2014

@britb618 I just hate to think that if our other family members, who we did not select, found out that one of the reasons we didn't select them was because we think they can't manage money well that they'd be upset- but for us, like you said, it was important so we kept our reasons private and selected who we thought was best. Good luck in making your choice!

britb618 · September 2014

You would only have a ceremony if you intend to baptize the child. If you don't plan on a baptism than I would just ask them in a nice way to be the god parents. I gave my brother a "the godfather" shirt and asked him. For the godmother I gave her a Alex and Ani Bracelet that said Godmother and asked her. Small stuff but wanted to get them something when I asked. Our cousins asked us by having us over for dinner (pizza yum!) but there was also a baptism and my husband is Portuguese so in that culture the god parents are supposed to buy the baptism outfit for the baby, we were in Italy and got my goddaughter her first cross from the Vatican and her baptism outfit from a little old italian lady near the Spanish steps. It was really fun actually doing that with my husband on our honeymoon

ETA: you could also have a christening of the baby and the godparents would be involved in that.

southernyankeegirl · September 2014

Just so anyone who is curious knows, you do NOT have to have the same people as guardian(s) of your child(ren) as the trustee(s) of the estate for those same child(ren). You can very purposely put it as different people, and this is actually often recommended because:

a) creating a trust for your children has tax advantages over leaving your estate directly to other family/friends;

b) it protects the money for your children and their care only, which you can stipulate rules for (when they'd have access to the balance, what you'd want covered, etc.);

c) managing a trust is a lot of paperwork, so it isn't necessarily something that someone who just took over the primary caregiver role for children wants to take on in addition, or even necessarily the same person who has both skills (child-rearing and record keeping)

Josie400 · September 2014

Our decision is religion based. Although I'm Lutheran, I didn't want to just choose someone who was Lutheran. We are going with my cousin as Godfather and my best friend as Godmother because these two people share our spiritual beliefs, not just religious (if that makes sense).
We will be choosing different people to be guardians.

JoaPata · September 2014

I am Catholic and my husband is Jewish. Our baby will most likely be baptized Catholic. My best friend and her husband are not Catholic however will be the Guardians of our child if something happens to us. We have a Will and Trust set up with my best friend and her husband as the trustees and they will raise our child legally.

We will most likely have God Parents for the Catholic Ceremony however it will be separate and they will only be spiritual contacts/family for our child. They will be in the childs life long term but I do not want them to raise our child.

We consider these two very separate things. It would be wonderful if I want the person that I trust to raise our child to be the same as the Religious "Godparent" however it is not. My Best Friend is a Atheist and I am 100% happy with the care and upbringing they will give our child. :-)

rodiesmum · September 2014

We are catholic and we are doing it for religious reasons, and to sort of assign close friends to be some kind of 'guardian' to our kids esp if we pass on. This is cultural as well. Anyway we chose four of our closest friends whom we could entrust DD with (apart from family of course), and we are intending to choose them as well as LO#2s godparents (well 3 of them, i think).

liladelphia215 · September 2014

We are Catholic and doing it for religious reasons. Some Catholic Parishes are strict about the types of Godparents you can have and some are not (ie: some allow you two women or two men Godparents, some don't; some allow one Catholic and one Non-Catholic and some don't). My Parish is on the stricter side. One God Father, one God Mother - both have to be practicing Catholics and received all their sacraments.

DH's parents only baptized their kids and nothing else (against the wishes of his Grandmother), so we couldn't choose any of his brothers, and when DD was born, we weren't very close to many of his extended family so the choice was easy that she would have two Godparents on my side of the family. I have all brothers, so I picked the one who did not have a God Child yet (he also happened to be the brother I grew up closest too (not favorite, but just we stuck more together), and I picked my closest female cousin.

This time we are a little closer to one of my DH's Aunts and Uncle. So we are choosing his cousin so we have a representative from his side.. and from my side we are choosing one of my Sister-In-Laws.. I'm leaning toward one.. but it's a tough call because I do love both dearly.

kellyfo14 · September 2014

I practice patchwork religion. It is a concept I developed as an interfaith minister involving education of different religions and defining your spirituality by the aspects within the religions that you believe in. I do not believe a child can be born in sin so I do not believe in baptism however I think it is important to celebrate a new life with ritual. I also believe in religious choice for children after they have been educated. Perhaps a homecoming ceremony, this is something I have been mulling over. In a world where people draw deeper into a sense of spirituality versus structured religion we still need ritual and ceremony, the gathering of family and friends is a congregation for many. I don't see a reason why the naming of "godparents" can't be part of this. Though the term is spiritually related it has entered secular life as well. As far as the legal side of things. I believe that it has been well outlined here. My sister and her husband would raise our little ones if something happened to us both.

tkr7c9 · September 2014

We are choosing my Best friend and her husband. This decision was not very easy, but we feel that our of my brother, and both of DH's sisters, our friends would raise our children in a similar fashion we will and that is the most important thing for us.

SRose1005 · September 2014

We are catholic, and I always wanted all my kids to have the same godparents, and I always wanted them to be a couple who were not related to us. I just thought it would be wonderful to include more of our loved ones in our "family" and with that in mind we chose one of DH and my best friends from high school and her husband. Unfortunately I think our choice really hurt our new BILs feelings. He just married DHs sister, and she converted to Catholicism about a year ago (DH and his family are not Catholic). They would've been a great choice too, but I really wanted to choose non-family godparents. My logic was that our daughter will still have them as her aunt and uncle. Anyway, I'm still trying to come up with something useful to do to make it up to them. MIL suggested we make them LOs guardians in case something happened to us, but they live in England and I want our baby to be raised in America. So hopefully I'll have an epiphany about that sometime before the christening...

britb618 · September 2014

@srose1005 that really is a difficult situation. I feel ya on it though. I know we are going to ruffle some feathers and possibly hurt dh's brother and sil by not having them. However, I don't want to choose them just so I don't hurt people. I really don't think they are the best choice for us (doesn't sound like a similar situation for you which is good) But like you I also really like the non-family choice. One of our friends said that was a tradition in her hubbys family and her family was a bit upset about it but when she explained that this was more for a special role in the life and was in no way the people who would be raising the children if a guardian should be involved, everyone was fine. In the end you gotta do what you think is best

emilyp2013 · September 2014

We picked DH's brother and wife. For us it is totally religious (or for me it is, it's not something his family normally does but I grew up pretty old school). But, for me, they are there to pray for and help guide the child in Christ and it is an extremely important and weighty position. I have so many best friends I adore, and they were given special roles when I got married, but since very few of them I feel are truly qualified to perform the duty of godparent (either not Christian or not actively Christian) I can't really choose them for that. :-( Fortunately, I had no denominational restrictions on our choice. I am Methodist (grew up Lutheran Church Missouri Synod) but godparents will be Catholic.

AggieMom0809 · September 2014

Ours are for religious reasons only. We didn't have a hard time choosing for my first two, but hadn't even thought about it this time. Our child will be baptized Catholic so the Godparents have to be Catholic too. We don't even talk to one of our children's Godparents anymore, so I have no idea what to look at this time in choosing someone.

EricaVC · September 2014

You guys gave me a lot to think about with selecting godparents, guardians and a trustee. H n I really have a lot to discuss. We may need to make some MAJOR adjustments with who we selected!

AmandaKess · September 2014

For us it's not so much a religious thing as it is a "these are the people we want to take care of the kids if the worst happens." My brother and SIL are all the kids' Godparents and I couldn't be more comfortable with that. My brother is the best man I know (besides DH that is

), SIL is my best friend, and they are both wonderful parents. It puts my mind as ease to know that if (God forbid) anything ever happened to us both that my children would be taken care of by people I love and trust.

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