An Intro and a (kind of long) Question

larahouseman · September 2014

Hi everyone!

I'm Lily, currently pregnant with my first and anticipating being a SAHM come the end of January when LO is born. We live in Austin, TX, although I'm from the east coast originally and he's from Toronto. I'm 31 and work in politics, my H is 25 and an attorney. I've been lurking on this board for a while but now that I actually have a question for you, I figured I should come out from the shadows and introduce my self.

Now to my question (X-posted from January15)

So my H and I have been seriously considering hiring someone to come in part-time (about 20 hours a week) and do some light housework and occasionally watch the baby. We're talking dishes, making beds, laundry, and watching baby while I shower or go to the dentist or whatever.

The topic came up when I was chatting with our cleaning lady last night because I thought she might have some recommendations, and I was surprised when she said she would like to do it. It never occurred to me she would because she has her cleaning service but apparently she doesn't have any morning clients because up until this year her son wasn't in school full time.

There would be a lot of pros to hiring her:

-I would totally trust her with the baby. She has three charming and well-behaved kids of her own.

-She's already familiar with our household and the way I like things done.

-She's a known quantity. She's already worked for us for 2 years.

-We would save money! Since she already comes one day a week she would only charge us for the additional 4 days, rather than 5.

-I know that her family could use the money and so would feel good about hiring her.

But, there is a very big con. She can be VERY chatty.

My DH thinks that is not a big enough reason not to hire her. But he doesn't have to be home with her 20 hours a week, since he'll be at work. Plus, if I can't stand it and we have to fire her we also lose our cleaning lady.

So...what do you think? Am I being a brat who should just suck it up? Is there a way to bring this up without hurting her feelings? Or is it better to avoid the potential problems and try to find someone else? Advise me!

Andrewsgal · September 2014

Well this is an interesting way to intro to the board

bumpuser8448316 · September 2014

Even has challenging as new babies are, there is no way in hell I want someone in my home with me 20 hrs a week. I mean, if she's coming in long enough to clean, laundry, etc why can't you handle the baby? Take all that stuff off your plate and a newborn is a piece of cake

MomIn2013 · September 2014

First of all, hi and welcome!

O.k. I may not be on the same page as a lot of people on here, but that type of situation wouldn't interest me, mostly because I'm a pretty quiet and private person and I like my own space, so having someone there with me 20 hours a week would drive me batty. I mean, my mom came to stay with us for a few weeks when DS was born, and as much as I love her, I was more than ready to see her go when she left. I know some people are the opposite, though, and would love to have someone around to help out with what you're describing.

I found those first several months at home reeeeaaally long and was glad to have the house to clean, dinners to make, etc. as something to do. I actually still like to do that sort of stuff - for me personally, the only way I'd get a cleaning lady would be if I were working full time, since right now I have lots of time to get everything done, even with DS underfoot. And it's stuff I like to do (o.k., with the exception of maybe cleaning toilets), so paying someone to do it just doesn't make sense to me.

I know that your situation might very well be totally different, though. I guess you have to ask yourself if you'd mind having her around those 20 hours per week.

Sorry, not sure how helpful that rambling was...

larahouseman · September 2014

@QueSyrah That is very encouraging. I'll be honest in that I am TERRIFIED of having a baby, even though I'm also extremely excited. Plus I don't have any family anywhere close to nearby to help. So you're probably entirely right that this is overkill and way more than I need.

Andrewsgal · September 2014

larahouseman said:

@QueSyrah That is very encouraging. I'll be honest in that I am TERRIFIED of having a baby, even though I'm also extremely excited. Plus I don't have any family anywhere close to nearby to help. So you're probably entirely right that this is overkill and way more than I need.

um you do realize that most people have no help. Right?

MomIn2013 · September 2014

Please don't be terrified - as Kimbus22 said, babies nap A LOT! I found I had a lot more idle time on my hands with a newborn than I ever imagined. I also have no family nearby and really haven't had an issue with getting everything done during the week so we can hang out together as a family on weekends doing all the "fun" stuff. If I were working, I know it would be a different story, but staying home? No problem.

larahouseman · September 2014

@Kimbus That arrangement makes good sense. Maybe I could have her come twice a week, like you suggest, or start out three times a week and then drop down to twice a week if it's too much.

@MomIn2013 I totally get what you're saying. While I am pretty extroverted, that doesn't always apply when I'm in my own home. Hence my concern about this woman in particular, since I won't want to be chatting all the time. On the other hand, if I'm up all night with the baby, maybe I'll just be asleep when she's there. Then it would be a non-issue.

Honestly, I have no idea. This is why I brought it up. But I'm getting the strong sense that this is way more than I need, which is encouraging.

larahouseman · September 2014

@Andrewsgal Yes, I realize that I'm super lucky that this is even an option. I do think that part of the reason I'm anxious is that most people I know do have family around to help out, and that just isn't a reality for us. Apparently I'm overcompensating.

@Sing4mysavior I think you're right, that flexibility is going to be key. That's the idea I'm starting to come around to. Maybe start out three days a week and then drop down to twice a week, as @Kimbus suggested, if it seems like too much.

Apparently I am a crazy FTM. I probably shouldn't be surprised.

Andrewsgal · September 2014

I have no family never have. When my kids are 0-3 months I have a cleaning lady come once a week as the get older I have one come every other week. That is plenty.

MomIn2013 · September 2014

Not crazy, you just don't know what to expect yet, but don't worry - you will absolutely get the hang of it in no time flat. That said, I can see the need for help with a toddler and a newborn, but with just a newborn - no worries.

notkateanymore · September 2014

Keep your cleaning lady once a week, maybe up her to twice a week for a couple of months. You don't need somebody for 20 hours a week while you're there.

NicoleWI · September 2014

I'm kind of with the others that this is more than you need. It might be nice to have her one morning/week (in addition to cleaning) or something like that, as long as you can afford it. It would be a nice luxury to be able to meet friends, get coffee, run errands, get your hair cut, etc and have a built-in time to do it.

One baby is often very manageable. However, some infants are really hard, so you don't know what you'll get. B/c I was still working f/t we had our nannies come some of the time while I was on maternity leave with each child, and I really liked even just the interaction with another person. It was nice to just get a break and be able to, for example, nap without worrying about the baby waking up or not cooperating with my window of sleep time.

Yes you CAN do it on your own with one kid and lots of people do, but if you have the luxury to have someone I'd have her come in a little extra bit each week and just see how it goes. But 20 hours does seem like WAY more than you need, especially if she's already doing all the cleaning.

magentawarped · September 2014

1. Hi.

2. Biggest FWP ever.

Unless you shower like the guy in Gattaca, you don't need to hire someone to watch your baby for shower time. Either plop her in the bouncy chair or wait until she naps.

I get that you're nervous, but you are way over-thinking this one.

mandymack · September 2014

Welcome to the board and congrats on expecting your first baby!!!

Fun fact: my husband and I both are from Austin,TX and our families are all still there

I get where you are coming from: it's hard to know what to expect especially when you've moved away from your support system. We moved from AUSTX to California when I was 7mos pregnant and I was terrified! I knew we'd have no consistent support EVER (well, except when family & friends came to visit but that wasn't predictable). What I DID know was that 1. my mom and sister were coming for 2 weeks the day I went into labor (thank goodness they had the flexibility to drop everything and come with a day's notice) and 2. my husband had some time off work, though not much.

It was much easier to hire a cleaning service (and a possible nanny/Mother's Helper in your case) AFTER our daughter was born and I got a good feel of what being a first time mom was like.

So, that's my suggestion: keep your cleaning lady and wait to propose more hours to her for helping with your baby until after he/she arrives.

Good luck, it's easy - at least for me - to forget what being a first time mom was like and how much anxiety of the unknown it brings to your life.

spring_time · September 2014

Wait until you see what you need. I think you are way overestimating the difficulty of newborns. I had one easy newborn, and one difficult newborn. Even with the difficult newborn and a wild toddler running around, there is no way I would have wanted someone in my house for 20 hours a week. There are very few people I like that much to spend that much time together. Plus, you will find yourselves with a whole lot of down time with one baby to care for between the two of you.

I agree with the others who said to keep your cleaning lady, and arrange for some care for a few hours on another day so you can get out of the house. If you find you need more, you can add hours.

orangegoggles · September 2014

I'm confused..are you planning on going back to work part time or freelance?

If not, you definitely don't need someone at your house for 4 hours or more. You will hate it. Babies sleep all the time in the beginning and if you don't have any other children, you will have more time than you think. It's pretty easy to run your errands when the baby is still in the bucket carseat.

However, since you have the means and no family around, I would maybe have her come 2-3 times a week for a couple hours to clean/tidy/hang with the baby so that way you can have a babysitter down the road that you feel comfortable leaving your baby with. You will want to do date nights and things like that with your H.

bumpuser8448316 · September 2014

I had a colicky newborn with reflux who refused to be put down. Or sleep. For nearly a year. It was difficult, and due to DH's work scheduleI was flying solo most of the time (no family help). Even as difficult as it was, I eventually got the hang of things. After awhile we had a cleaning lady, DH would oft drop off/pick up our laundry at the fluff and fold and I did grocery delivery to help out but that was a very temporary need and eventually DS and I settled into a nice routine. I honestly feel like if you have that much help right off the bat you'll never get the hang of a good routine. I would have her come more often to clean and tidy up in the beginning but 20 hours is really overkill

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