Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
hopeby2015
member
Re: This time last year
Me & DH (33), 3 Furbabies, TTC since October 2011
Day 3 #’s (Dec 2012) FSH 9, AMH .77, LH 2.4, E2 31, AFC 9
DX: Me-DOR + No Tubes, DH-Fine
Ectopic 2007; lost tube/2nd tube removed Dec 2011 (hydro)
April 2012=IVF#1- EPP Antag+ICSI, 2R,0F (BFN), Now dx’d with DOR.
June-July 2012=IVF#2- MDL+ICSI&AH, 8R,4M,3F (BFP 9dp3dt) Beta#1 at 11dp3dt=36, Beta#2 at 15dp3dt=156, Beta#3 at 19dp3dt=671, dx'd with SCH, no growth-m/c at 7wks/Lap Dec 2012 to remove small fibroid.
Feb 2013=IVF#3-MDL, 2/1=baseline, started 10 units mdl, AFC-7, 2/3 start gonal f, self cxld cycle b/c of low e2.
April 2013=IVF#3.5-(with new RE)AG/ANT Conv + ICSI. 4/10-4/23 bcp's, 4/20-4/27 lupron, 4/28-ganirelix until end of stimming, 5/2-600 gonal f, 5/4-add 1/2 vial menopur, 5/13-ER (9R,1M,1F), 5/17-ET, 1 beautiful 8 cell (please be my sticky baby!!!!) 5/28-BFFN.
Oct 2013=IVF#4-LLP+ICSI &AH, 10/14 (6R, 2M, 2F), 10/17-ET, 1 seven cell & a six cell, BFP at 9dp3dt, 1st beta=56, 2nd beta=52, CP.
Jan 2014=IVF #5-LLP, Cxld after 6 days of stims due to fast response and lead follicle.
March 2014=IVF 5.5-LLP, Lupron 3/10, BL 3/18, 11 days of stims, Trigger 3/29, ER 3/31. 7R, 2M, 2F. ET 4/3. Txfd one 5 cell & one 9 cell. BFP on hpt from 7dp3dt & on. Praise be to God. Beta #1 at 11dp3dt=106, #2 at 13dp3dt=239. First u/s 4/28, measuring on track & heartbeat seen. 5/5-2nd u/s, measuring on track with strong heartbeat. 5/12- 3rd u/s & released from RE. Grow baby grow, we love you! Baby G&T is a BOY! Born 12/2014 via c/s! 8lbs, 8oz & 21 inches.
*******Ticker Warning**********
"God's Delay is not God's Denial"
***Losses mentioned.*** TTC #1 since May 2012. Me: 37, OH: 41. Ectopic August 2012 => tubal damage. :'( Stage 1 endo removed June 2013. IVF #1 Oct/Nov 2013: Long Lupron with Gonal-F. 7R, 7M, 7F. 2 txfer@3d. Nothing frozen. => M/C @ 8 wks. :'( Selected RPL panel all normal. Very hyper and brittle response to stims. IVF #2 (antagonist protocol) Feb 2014 => Converted to IUI (Perfect conditions). BFN. IVF #2.1 w/ new RE June 2014: Antagonist protocol. 33R, 31M, 30F, 19 blasts to test!!! I made it through without crashing!!
TTC since Sept 2011, Unexplained IF
Oct 12 - Jan 14: 3 clomid/TI cycles, 2 hysteroscopies, 2 IUIs, 1 BFP (MMC @ 12w), 2 more IUIs
Feb 14: Gonal-f + IUI #5 = BFP! (EDD 11/4/14)
Baby boy arrived 11/13/14!
Man, that sucked.
Off birth control March 2012 - Actively trying Sept 2012-April 2014
BFP on May 5th after Follistim & IUI #3
A year, 2 ivf cycles and one MC later, and I'm 8 weeks pregnant with twins. Some days, it even feels real, but most days, I worry that it will all end too soon.
2013 summary: Diagnosed with Hypothyroid; Cervical polyp removed (benign);
2 rounds ovidrel with timed intercourse (no result): 3 rounds IUI with clomid + ovidrel (no result)
2014 summary (to date):
IVF cycle 1 - ER: 4/17 (28 follicles, 3 fertilized, 2 survived to day 3);
ET: 4/20 (3rd day, 2 embryos - 1 @ 6 cells & 1 @ 4 cells); Beta 5/1 - BFP!;
1st scan 5/13 - development behind, no heartbeat detected; D&C 6/2; WTF 6/13
IVF cycle 2 - BCP begun 7/12; stims w/ HGH begun 7/26;
ER: 8/6, 12 follicles, 7 fertilized w/ ICSI; ET: 8/11, 3 blastocysts left, 2 transferred, 3rd arrested 8/12 - none to freeze :'(
1st beta 8/19 - BFP! 294; 2nd beta 8/26 - 4976; 1st u/s 9/2; 2nd u/s 9/9 - two little heartbeats at 140 each!!!
EDD: 29-April-2015
Other Meds: Synthroid 100 mcg/daily
Oh, IF limbo, how you suck!
Began TTC #1 in Sept. 2010. I was 33, DH was 36.. Dx with DOR and slight MFI (8/4/11).
Test results (after first RE visit 6/21/11): 7DPO b/w: Progesterone = 11.3; CD3 b/w: FSH = 10.1 mUnits/mL, E2= 52.0 pg/mL, AFC: 6; SIS Ultrasound: Uterus great, tubes clear! AMH: 0.3
IUI#1 June 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): BFN
IUI#2 July 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): BFN
IUI#3 August 2012 (Follistim/HCG trigger): CP (Beta #1: 4.61, Beta #2: 1.0)
IUI#4 October 2012 (Follistim, ovulated before trigger, missed IUI, converted to TI): BFN
Jan. 2013 New RE
IVF #1 June 2013 MDL Protocol. Converted to IUI#4.1. (High E2 and 3+ mature follicles at first monitoring.) BFFN
IVF #1.2 August 2013 Stop Lupron Protocol with Human Growth Hormone added. 17R, 14M, 9F (with ICSI), 2 embryos (decent quality - grade 2) transferred on day 3, 2 blasts made it to freeze. Beta 8/26. BFFN :'(
FET #1 December 2013 Last try! Transferred 2 blasts -- graded 3AB and 4BB. Beta #1 (12/27/13) 530. Beta #2 (12/30/13) 1876. BFP! One bean. EDD 9/3/2014!
We welcomed the most beautiful baby girl into the world on September 11, 2014!
Me: 30, DH: 32
My hx: uterus/hormones normal Dx: low AMH 0.5 = poor ovarian reserve
hubby hx: low sperm count, poor motility, started on clomid, retest in May showed no improvement, will be on clomid another 3 months, another retest scheduled for August
Started IVF #1: ~BFP Mentioned~
Me 33, DH 37 -- TTC since Jan'12 -- Low AMH (0.78) & endo, SA w/ low motility
IUI's 1-3 = BFN, IVF converted to IUI 4/13 = BFN
IVF 1.2: 8R 6M 4F -- 2 blastocysts frozen, FET 8/15 = BFP!!
Beta #s = 445;1,098; 9,545 -- EDD 5/2 -- Team Pink!
I was with my first RE, trying to build my lining (taking lots of estrodial), right after a cancelled FET in August (due to thin lining). My next FET in December would also be cancelled due thin lining and he told me that I would probably need a surrogate. Here I am 30 weeks pregnant!!
**Sig warning***
TTC since 9/2011. DH - 32, me 32.
IUI#1 (natural): BFN; IUI#2 (clomid): BFN; IUI#3 (clomid and follistim): BFN.
IVF #1 March 2013, freeze all (OHSS).
FET#1 June: BFN
FET#2 August: delayed due to thin lining (6.3). Took a few months off to try and thicken the lining with lots of estrodial. FET#2.2 December: Cancelled due to thin lining (4.8). Two frosties left.
*New RE* Sonohystrogram and hystereoscopy done in Feb.
IVF #2: ER 3/4/14 ET 3/7/14, transferred 3, 3 day 9 cell perfect embryos. No frosties.
Beta #1 (14dp3dt) 504
Beta #2 (21dp3dt) 11,561
First ultrasound on 4/3/14 showed 3 sacs: one empty and two with beating hearts!! At 7w2d, found out that one baby did not have a heartbeat anymore. Praying that baby B makes it. Baby B is a girl!
EDD 11/25/14 BORN 11/29/14
**PAIF/anyone welcomed to comment!! Thank you.
___________________________________________________________________________
Trying for #1 since May 2010 l DX ~ Unexplained Infertility June 2011
IUI #1&2 = BFN; IUI #3 = BFP, m/c @ 6 weeks
November '11 ~ IVF#1 ~ ER 11/18 (29R, 17F) ~ 5dt of one beautiful blast on 11/23 = BFP!!
Beta #1 9dp5dt = 116, P4 = 28 ~ Beta #2 13dp5dt = 700 ~ Beta #3 20dp5dt = 9500, P4 = 26
1st u/s 12/27 - hb of 156!! EDD 8.10.12
**TEAM GREEN!**
Sweet baby boy born 8.18.12
Trying for #2
FET #1 - October '13 - c/p l FET #2 - December '13 - cancelled
l FET #2.2 - 1.30.14 - BFN
~ More testing - hysteroscopy, endometrial biopsy & more b/w - all normal / negative~
Surprise BFP while waiting on FET #3 ~ beta #1 500; beta #2 1600; first u/s 4/3 - measuring 5w5d, no hb yet!; 2nd u/s 4/10 - hb 132, measuring 6w6d - EDD 11.29.14
**TEAM GREEN!**
Beautiful baby girl born 11.24.14
Praying unceasingly for a miracle. ALL welcome!
1/13 Decided to pursue DIA, 4/13 Home study Approved 9/13 Matched!
10/13 DS home with us! 2/14 TPR completed 5/14 ADOPTION IS FINAL!
3/14 Surprise BFP 11/14 DD is here!
TTC Since 12/2008; DH: 32, Azoospermia me: 33, DX during IVF #4: Low AMH (Normal FSH) / SER due
to IVF Meds (causing failure to fertilize) Recent DX: Hashimoto's, Lupus Anticoagulant, White Blood Cell Disorder
High ANA, ATA, & APA, PAI-1 Heterozygous= blood clotting disorder; connective tissue disorder
IVF w/ ICSI #1 2/2011 IVF w/ ICSI #2 5/2011 IVF w/ ICSI #3 12/2012 *New RE* IVF w/ ICSI #4 5/2013
IVF w/ ICSI #5 8/2013 (Natural Cycle- No drugs)- One follicle->one blast. CCS normal. FET 9/10- 6BB blast. m/c @ 5w
IUI #1 12/23- BFN IUI #2 Cancelled (ovulated during AF) Prep:CoQ10 (300 mg); DHEA (25 mg); Melatonin (3 mg), Folgard 2.2, Metformin 500 2x, Levothyroxine 50mcg, Aspirin 81mg w/ calcium, B12, Vit. D 4000 & Prenate Elite Daily; Cabergoline 1/2 pill 2x week- Cycling: Estrace Priming; Prednisone 10mg, Lovenox 40mg 2x, Femera & Menopur
IUI #2.1 6/30 & 7/1. 1st Beta: 90 (7/15); 2nd Beta: 226 (7/17); 3rd Beta: 766 EDD: 3/23/2015
*IVF (07/2013): BFP-Natural Miscarriage @ 5 weeks*
*FET #1 (10/2013): BFN
*FET #2 (12/2013)- BFP-Missed Miscarriage at 8 weeks
*Chromosomes and Karotyping tests were both normal.We lost a healthy baby boy
*FET #3 (04/2014) was cancelled after finding Chronic Endometritis
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
This time last year, I just turned 30 and was in the process of interviewing for a new job, and getting ready for our first IVF cycle in Nov.
One year later today, after egg retrieval (no immediate transfer d/t risk of OHSS) and two FETs, I'm 27w pregnant with my little girl. I got the job that I interviewed for and oh my is this the dream job that I could have ever asked for.
I always go back and think if I would still be stuck at my old boring job if I got pregnant last year cuz I probably wouldn't be looking, and missed this amazing opportunity. And guess what, if I had gotten pregnant any earlier I wouldn't even qualify for FMLA (I just made it by one month cuz u have to work for the company for 12 months, and I started in Nov 13). I'm not a very religious person but somehow I believe that God has his plans for all of us. For me, it was to get me settle in my new job before becoming mommy.
It's amazing to see how far I've come. I'm so thankful for today and very excited for the near future.
IVF cycle 1 (Nov 2013)- freeze all d/t OHSS
FET #1-BFN
FET #2-BFP baby girl born Dec 2014
FET #3-Sept 2017 BFP but miscarried at 6 weeks
IVF cycle 2 (Oct 2017)- freeze all again d/t OHSS
FET #1 BPF, pregnant with a singleton due Sept 2018
FET #1 (7/2013) - 2 embryos - BFN
FET #2 (9/2013) - 2 emrbyos - BFN
New RE. Fresh Start
IVF #2 (2/2014) - 25 Retrieved, 19 Mature, 16 Fertilized, 9 blasts.
CGH Testing: 6 Normal
FET #3 (4/2014) -1 embryo - BFP! Beta#1: 35 Beta #2: 16
FET #4 (5/2014) -1 embryo - BFP! Beta#1: 321!!! Beta #2: 727.9! 6/5/2014 Heartbeat! 144bpm It's a girl! Due January!
TTC #1 since 3/2011
TTC #1 BFP 12/7/11- CP 12/13/11
PCOS - 20000mg Metformin
5/12-6/13 - Clomid 6 rounds All BFN
10/2/13 - Lap Surgery/Ovary Drilling
11/17/13- Femara 2.5mg 12/20/13 - BFN
12/22/13 - Femara 5mg BFN
01/05/14 - Clomid 100mg + Trigger -Cycle Cancelled
Benched from Pharmacy Mistake
5/12/14 - Clomid 100mg + Trigger-Cycle Cancelled
7/26/14 - 200mg Clomid + Dex + Trigger +IUI - BFP!!! Beta #1-34, Beta #2-83, Beta #3-353
11/22/14 - It's a BOY! Can't wait to meet Beau Parker!
This year, my EDD is about a week before my ER.
So grateful for the other amazing women who are also on this journey.
ET 9/10 - transferred 1 perfect 5AA blast
7dp5dt BFP ~~ Beta on 9/19 - 77.4 Beta #2 on 9/21 - 357
Low heartbeat on 10/7 86, lower heartbeat on 10/11 76, no heartbeat 10/14/13. D&C 10/15/13
Tests revealed MTHFR c677t mutation, put on Folgard.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FET #1 1/6/14 - 4BB blast - BFN
*May Siggy Challenge - Parenting Fails*
June 2010- MFI. BS. IVF! Ectopic. BS.
November 2010- FAILED FET! BS!
January 2011- BFP FET! TWINS! February 2011- lost twin. BS.
SEPTEMBER 2011- DD Born! Most awesome girl in the world!
November 2013- FAILED FET! BS! (screw you November FETs)
April Fresh Cycle, FAILED. Frozen embryos frozen for future FETs.
FROZEN CYCLE JUNE! BFP
BABY BOY VINCENT!
We can't wait to meet you!
Conception: