Dear Prudie

NatureLovers · September 2014

I would die if my 11 yr old was borrowing my vibrator to pleasure herself, especially if she was so casual about asking to borrow it. Yes, masturbation is healthy and normal and I wouldn't want to shame her, but still OMG.
https://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2014/09/dear_prudence_is_my_11_year_old_daughter_too_young_to_masturbate_with_a.html?wpsrc=fol_fb

aerotigergirl · September 2014

Yeah, I think anyone asking to borrow a personal intimacy toy is weird. Seems like eyeliner or something... you just shouldn't share it with others.

I like that this mom is ok with masturbation, and she seems to be trying hard not to shame her daughter for exploring her body. It seems like they must have a very healthy relationship for their communication to be so frank and open.

Maybe buying her her own would be a good solution, though.

NatureLovers · September 2014

aerotigergirl said:
Yeah, I think anyone asking to borrow a personal intimacy toy is weird. Seems like eyeliner or something... you just shouldn't share it with others.

I like that this mom is ok with masturbation, and she seems to be trying hard not to shame her daughter for exploring her body. It seems like they must have a very healthy relationship for their communication to be so frank and open.

Maybe buying her her own would be a good solution, though.

I agree with Prudie that buying her a vibrator is a bad idea at such a young age. If she only ever learns to orgasm with a vibrator, it could be very, very difficult for her to learn to orgasm via any other stimulation. Hell, I think I was 19 before I was able to orgasm via oral sex because I was so used to stimulating myself manually.

TXUltraRunner · September 2014

OH MY GOD. This is not a scenario that has ever crossed my mind in the imagining of my future raising a girl. If I found stuff under my parents' bed, I ran far from it. I didn't even want to touch something that could have potentially been near either of their privates. I was not raised to think that masturbation was bad but it was certain considered private and not talked about.

aerotigergirl · September 2014

@NatureLovers - Yeah, I guess I didn't really think about that. I was in college (and already sexually active) before I ever owned one, so it didn't really occur to me that if you learn toys as the first way of pleasuring yourself, maybe it would be difficult for her to enjoy plain ol' no-toys-involved sexual experiences.

Stargirlb · September 2014

People should have their own toys. Would you share a diva cup? No

aks01 · September 2014

Uhhh. I'm glad I'm having a boy haha DH has already told me that I will need to knock before going into any room when he gets older.

I felt weird asking my mom for panty liners and pads, so I would most definitely not ask her to use her massager and then tell her what I used it for.

southernyankeegirl · September 2014

I was a really sexual child, and was definitely masturbating by age 11, but no mechanical toys. It's not about having sex or intimacy with another person, it's about feeling good at that age.

And I agree it's unsanitary to share, and I wouldn't feel comfortable buying a child something at that age. But I bought my first vibrator when I was 15. I feel like there's other ways to get yourself off, and while I would never want to shame a child for their sexuality, I don't know that it's necessarily a great idea to get involved too heavily.

I think the parents' role at that point is mostly to teach child that it's okay, but that it is a private thing. I think it's okay to say that when you're older, you can buy one of these vibrators, but they are for adults.

YaMrWhite · September 2014

Man I didn't have ANY sex toy or vibrator of any sort until I was late 20's. I guess I was missing out! lol

misslizzy82 · September 2014

I know I was very curious at a young age but I just knew what felt good without knowing a thing about toys... I think I would have freaked out if I ever found one in my mom's room but that's probably because we weren't open about sex. I have no plan for how I will handle the subject when it comes up, but letting ANYone borrow a toy is gross.

NatureLovers · September 2014

Stargirlb said:
People should have their own toys. Would you share a diva cup? No

The thought of sharing a diva cup makes me want to set myself on fire.

honeybeee3 · September 2014

I remember finding my parents stash of toys when I was around the same age. But at the time, I didn't even know what they were for. Of course I eventually figured it out but I would NEVER have even dreamed of using them on myself! Ugh! Just the thought of it makes me shudder.

I don't think that the mom should buy her daughter her own personal massager. She can buy one for herself when she is but until then I think she should explore herself with her hands, etc. I agree with @NatureLovers‌, if she gets too used to being stimulated by a powerful vibrator, it will probably make it difficult for her to achieve orgasms in any other way.

NatureLovers · September 2014

southernyankeegirl said:
I was a really sexual child, and was definitely masturbating by age 11, but no mechanical toys. It's not about having sex or intimacy with another person, it's about feeling good at that age.

And I agree it's unsanitary to share, and I wouldn't feel comfortable buying a child something at that age. But I bought my first vibrator when I was 15. I feel like there's other ways to get yourself off, and while I would never want to shame a child for their sexuality, I don't know that it's necessarily a great idea to get involved too heavily.

I think the parents' role at that point is mostly to teach child that it's okay, but that it is a private thing. I think it's okay to say that when you're older, you can buy one of these vibrators, but they are for adults.

That's a very healthy attitude. In my house sex was a filthy thing and my parents would have shamed me both publicly and privately for masturbating. Thankfully I realized how messed up their attitude was and didn't let it affect me personally. I discovered masturbation purely by accident at 13, and then I was hooked, haha.

BookitBoo · September 2014

'Sore love muscle' made me cringe.

emilyp2013 · September 2014

Would be a cold day in hell that I shared my diva cup. Or any other product that went near or in my genitals. Agreeing that maybe buying her a vibrator would be something for when she was older and something she should probably use her own money for. I don't really understand how she's not repulsed by her mother's sex toy, though. I used to cringe horribly at helping to fold my parents' cleaned underwear. Lol

sanbry · September 2014

Fairly positive my parents didn't have any sex toys and it definitely wasn't a topic of open discussion in our home, but I think I would have dropped dead if I had ever found one lol. Definitely wouldn't have used it on myself.

Maebb · September 2014

Sharing a vibrator - what?! At that age for me, it was more like hairbrush handles and hotel-size shampoo bottles, and I didn't talk to my parents about it. They pretty much took the "sexual pleasure is off limits to you until you are married" route, so I had to be resourceful.

MusicFanatic · September 2014

I was still playing with barbies at 11.

I'm currently kinda freaked out about raising a girl!

Samuelismomma · September 2014

I was still playing with dolls and hardly knew anything about sex at that age. I still don't have a toy and been married almost 4 yrs! Lol hmm maybe I'm missing out:p I'm all for her not shaming her or making her feel masturbation is a bad thing, but the rest grossed me out!

texasmama786 · September 2014

Eww just ewww.

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