Name Tradition Dilemma

babyzap20 · September 2014

OK so LO is a boy. SO is the 4th and he wants LO to be #5. However, I am not a fan of the name (Frank). His family keeps asking me what we are naming him and SO has been VERY good about saying we haven't decided. I really want to explore name options but SO made the comment the other day, "How cool would it be to get a professional pic with #2, #3, #4, and LO??" We have agreed that we like the name Anthony but the conversation ALWAYS goes back to Frank....ugh!

Yes. So cute.

Buuuut I don't like the name "Frank." Especially for a baby. I feel bad because I don't want to "rob" him of the opportunity to keep a tradition going but on the other hand, LO is my baby too lol. MIL has no filter and jokes about how she had a "gun to her head" when my Frank was born because she HAD to name him that. Yeah well that isn't going to be me.

Anyone else having name tradition issues? I feel like the bad guy here.

Josie400 · September 2014

What would the middle name be? I know 3rds and 4ths that go by their middle name, But still hold the family tradition.

babyzap20 · September 2014

In order for him to be #5 it has to be Frank Anthony. People have told me just to go by the middle name, however, his family will not do that.

ECATX · September 2014

We went with a family name with DD and are doing the same thing for this LO, but I know it isn't for everyone. What about using Frank but having him go by his middle name? I know lots of people who go by their middle name.

southernyankeegirl · September 2014

Could you call him by the middle name? That seems a popular compromise for those situations.

DH is a 3rd and there is no way I was ever going to name a boy a 4th. It's a pain in the neck to have two people in a room who answer to the same name, IMO, and it has been a paperwork nightmare with everything labeled "III" or "3rd" or switching mail between the two. I also have philosophical feminist reasons for not wanting to name a child a 4th.

We warned FIL, as we knew he'd be the main one to be upset. DH never made a peep about it - I think after the paperwork issues related to being the 3rd for buying our house recently, he was completely on board. Except for some minor push back from FIL, no one has said anything bad about baby's name.

That said, maybe he just wants a picture of the 5 generations, even if your little boy is named Anthony?

BookitBoo · September 2014

My son is the 5th, and we have no issue with being confused, and have not had billing or insurance issues. MIL wanted to call DS 'little Doug' and I told her that was not an option -- DH was on board and we love DS's nickname (Xander). If you like Anthony call him Anthony. It it's not for you, have a frank discussion with your husband

FWIW I think that it would be cute to have a generational picture with the 2, 3, 4, and your LO no matter what you name him.

TXUltraRunner · September 2014

My DH is a 4th and our baby would be a 5th if we were having a boy (or have one in the future). Because there's already someone in the family going by the first name, we would use the middle name. I had to actually agree to these terms before we got married. It was made very clear to me how important this tradition was to the family . HAHAHA

idontevenknow · September 2014

You can still do the 4 gen professional picture without naming him Frank. I'm not big on naming kids after their dads in general, so I am on your side. My SO is a junior and wants a 3rd, but I was able to talk him out of it if this LO is a boy, but I understand you have two other Franks in the books, so this is probably harder for you.

I'm just realizing that I am probably saving a future granddaughter in-law from this naming issue.

apolloslanding · September 2014

My great grandpa was George the first, and went by George, Grandpa was the 2nd, and went by Porge, my dad, the 3rd, was nicknamed Porgie when he was a kid. My mom was terrified that their first son would be 'Porgine' or something dreadful, so she immediately declared his nickname, Tod, and the world went with that.

KnitPixy · September 2014

Thank god my MIL dodged the "family name" bullet for me! (and we don't even know what we are having...well we know we are having a baby but you know what I mean). Rather than DH being a 3rd, she used the family name (Robert) as DH's middle name. His family obviously isn't as close to the tradition as your husband's but it does allow us to continue the tradition with the middle name.

DH's grandfarther did however always call him by his middle name because he felt that was right and there was never an issue with allowing that. My MIL just explained very early to DH why grandpa used his middle name instead of his first name. Truthfully the man was not the nicest person and very stubborn so I think the name thing was just a fight that wasn't worth my IL's time in their books.

If your DH is deadset on Frank (which I admit I like, it's my grandfather's name and he's one of the nicest men you will ever meet) I side with the use the middle name or come up with a nickname early. Having a legal family name doesn't mean that LO can't go by something else in the long run.

YaMrWhite · September 2014

babyzap20 said:

In order for him to be #5 it has to be Frank Anthony. People have told me just to go by the middle name, however, his family will not do that.

This is your and your SO's kid. If you name him Frank Anthony and want to call him Anthony or Tony or whatever you have every right. Tell his family that compromise is a 2-way street and you are compromising by keeping the tradition going so they can compromise by calling the kid Anthony or Tony. But really though, the only two people who have any say are you and SO. So really, all other family can shove it.

llambrose · September 2014

I would probably be the one to end the tradition if it were me as I am not really into naming babies after their dads. Family names are one thing but I am just not into using the exact same name because I would feel (just my feelings, not at all saying this is true) totally excluded, like I didn't count for anything. Luckily we don't have this situation though. I am not usually a fan of naming one name and going by the middle name either (because this is how my name is and it is a PAIN) but in this case, if you like Anthony and not so much Frank, it might be easiest to just do that. Another option might be to name him Anthony Frank. That way he still has the names but in an order that is more appealing to you and your husband. Or you could drop the Frank, use the Anthony and add a new name to help future generations

. I imagine that it is a tough spot to be in, my cousin is a 3rd and they just had a baby and did the 4th thing, I don't think that his wife was thrilled but in their case my uncle had passed away relatively young (the wife never actually got to meet him) and my uncle's dad had passed away young so I think she felt extra pressure. Both my cousin and the new baby go by their middle names though. I don't think that you should feel too bad though if you decide to break the tradition, there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel like you have a say in what you name your own child.

babyzap20 · September 2014

YaMrWhite said:

babyzap20 said:

In order for him to be #5 it has to be Frank Anthony. People have told me just to go by the middle name, however, his family will not do that.

This is your and your SO's kid. If you name him Frank Anthony and want to call him Anthony or Tony or whatever you have every right. Tell his family that compromise is a 2-way street and you are compromising by keeping the tradition going so they can compromise by calling the kid Anthony or Tony. But really though, the only two people who have any say are you and SO. So really, all other family can shove it.

My thoughts exactly!!! If I hear one person call him "Frankie" they are gonna die. A.Slow. Painful. Bloody. Mess.

robsbabygirl08 · September 2014

Yes, My DH wants LO to be Robert..Cecil 3rd if it's a boy. I DO NOT like it, and refuse to use it. Yes, my DH isn't all that happy about it. However, I told him we would use the name Robert and a different middle name, and I will call LO by it's middle name. There are way too many NN for Robert on his side of the family, it's annoys the crap out of me. I will call LO by it's middle name, I don't really care if people agree with me or not. I am fully aware that it annoys some people to be called by their middle name, and if one day LO decides that, then I will do that call him what he wants, but until that day comes, MN it is :P

Pips09 · September 2014

I don't think anyone should name their kid something they don't like, tradition or not.

YaMrWhite · September 2014

This sense of entitlement over anything related to someone else's child just because you are related is so annoying to me! And I agree with @Pips09 too. Don't like the name? Don't use it! They WILL get over it and if they don't it is no sweat off your back!

ZooCrewMom · September 2014

My oldest son is the 3rd and I wasn't crazy about the idea, mostly because I wasn't crazy about naming my son John. To complicate the issue my DS and DH have birthdays one day apart. At any rate, I selected the nickname Jack and almost everyone calls him that. The only hold outs are my DH and his parents - which isn't bad. He calls himself Jack, so I suspect in a few years he will request he be called Jack. Good Luck, this stuff is tricky!

britb618 · September 2014

@zoocrewmom, my son is going to be jack, haven't decided 100 percent if he will be legally John like my husband. My husband doesn't think Jack is a "legal name" but the rest of my family doesn't get the whole name the kid one thing call him another thing. Everything's already been monogrammed Jack (yes I know I know crazy monogramming or really personalized because I think monogramming is only initials which are the same regardless...) so he will definitely be Jack, just not positive on the whole legal name aspect of it yet.

sfgiantsgamerbabe · September 2014

Russell is the family name on DH's side and will be LO's middle name (it's also DH's middle name). I'm not crazy about the name AT ALL but if it's important to DH then it can be a middle name. No biggie. We are still deciding on a first name. Right now the top three are Zachary, Michael, and Brandon. Charles is in the mix (after my grandfather) but I feel like our last name is too short.

Jamie02Lee · September 2014

My husband is William Henry the 4th n lucky he did not want a 5th... cuz he's Bill, his dad is Bill his grandpa is Will n there's no way we were calling him Henry lol.. I did suggest we do the 5th n call him Liam but DH want digging it... we did put William in LOs middle name.. we went with Weston William-Aldo so were honoring both our grandfather's but giving him his own identity with his own first name.. maybe suggesting to use Frank in the name but not as his first name would help?

honeybeee3 · September 2014

I can imagine that would be a difficult spot to be in and I don't think you're the "bad guy" for not being thrilled about the name. I personally, wouldn't give my child a name that I didn't love and if that means breaking tradition, so be it. You're the one bringing him into this world so IMO you have the right to chose whatever name you want.

monicamoses · September 2014

My husband is a junior and is adamant about our son having his full name. I do not completely hate his name (Scott Cameron) but calling him by his middle name is out of the question because I really dislike "cam", I know most people will call him Scotty (which I also dislike) but I don't really have any options other than calling him a completely made up name for the rest of his life. Which at this point I'm ready to do.