would you choose if you could?

littleheaven · September 2014

a friend of mine is currently in the process of having a baby via surrogacy.....they currently have 4 viable embryos....and they have all been biopsied...

they know that they have 3 boys and one girl....they wanted to go with the healthiest one....which is a boy...

they already have a son....and as of now they are opting to go with the healthiest...which is a boy..(the girl is the 2nd healthiest) but now her husband is like well, it might be nice having one of each....

they found out what they were having the first time around so i guess that's why they want to know now....and i guess since i waited to find out, i would probably tell the dr just to use the healthiest one, but don't tell me if it's the boy or girl

i just find the whole thing intriguing....i have a girl now...would i pick to have a boy so i have one of each? a girl bc i know what having is a girl is like? i can't imagine being able to have the option...just wondering what ya'll think about that

Sep5Bride · September 2014

Though I would love to have one of each, since there are actual embryos I would not want to choose. We are using Shettles method to increase the likelihood of having a boy next time, but to actually choose doesn't feel right. I'd have to go with healthiest to feel the most fair I think. Tough situation!

chrissynena · September 2014

kittynap said:
How do they determine which is the "healthiest." Just curious what that means in an embryo?

I'd have no way of choosing, guess I'd probably not want to know that early in the game.

(I could be wrong) I would imagine by growth of the embryo. The fragmentation and cells. They usually test them when there could be a potential chromosome issue, to determine which were going to make it.

We did IVF, but we did not have to do that testing.

AshleyDehaven · September 2014

I would just opt for healthy. After losses, and everything we went through just to survive labor, i am much less devoted to the idea of one of each. Of course it would be nice, but really, healthy is what i care about.

chrissynena · September 2014

kittynap said:

chrissynena said:

kittynap said:
How do they determine which is the "healthiest." Just curious what that means in an embryo?

I'd have no way of choosing, guess I'd probably not want to know that early in the game.
(I could be wrong) I would imagine by growth of the embryo. The fragmentation and cells. They usually test them when there could be a potential chromosome issue, to determine which were going to make it.

We did IVF, but we did not have to do that testing.

It's interesting, I'm not sure I realized there were varying degrees of viable embryos. Like saying this one is more healthy than that one, but either would work?

I can't imagine how horrible it wold feel to chose one that was deemed "less healthy" based on sex preference and then have something go wrong.

Yes. I've not read of anyone really on the bump boards that choose the sex over which one is healthier. When you go thru infertility your ultimate goal is a take home baby.

ConstanceGoodspeed · September 2014

I would do healthiest with the understanding that it may not implant in the surrogate. So, the next cycle, when I also choose the healthiest, it would be the girl (though again no guarantees on implantation).

court115 · September 2014

This whole idea blows my mind. I couldn't imagine having to pick. I think I'm with PPs. I would just say to pick the healthiest but not to tell me the sex.

this decaf life · September 2014

I wanted a boy with DD but now that I have a girl I think it would be fun and easier to just have another girl! I wouldn't want to have to pick, I agree with PP that I would have just said healthiest from the start and never asked the sex of any of them.

spainy17 · September 2014

I don't think i could decide. I want a son for DH if we had another but I also would love another girl. And at the end of the day I think most people would just want a healthy baby. I think i would not even want to know because it would make it worse. Some things are best left to God, and I would forever question my decision if it was left up to me. However, if I was given that information like these folks were I couldn't judge their decision simply because I know how personal that is. Seriously Sophie's choice. Ugh.

ohiodoxiemama08 · September 2014

Oh wow, that's crazy that they can tell that.

I think I too would go with healthiest. I really wanted a little girl (which I was blessed enough to get) but after going through a loss a healthy baby has always been my first and foremost concern.

My husband really wants a boy so I would be tempted to satisfy him, but I think he would admit that a healthy, happy baby is his priority too. Personally, a boy or girl would thrill me to death. I just want another LO! I would really liked to be surprised whenever we get pregnant again, but he's too anxious :-P

jobiann · September 2014

If it was me, in the same situation as your friend, I'd choose the healthiest as the sex would be the least of my worries being at that stage. We experienced a few losses and I honestly could care less boy or girl.

Throwing all that out the door, IF we decide to have number two I honestly would be happy with a boy or a girl. Another boy would be great, we have all the boy stuff already and J would have a best friend for life. But if we have a girl, that would be exciting and new. Her and J will still hopefully be best friends I hope.

We were unable to know boy or girl with J as the u/s wasn't clear enough so they wouldn't even give us an idea. Which sucked because I was banking on knowing. But we couldn't, so it was fun to be surprised. The second round I would again want to know boy or girl and hopefully we'd have a better u/s so we'd know for certain.

gagirl2004 · September 2014

Like everyone else has said I would have to go with the healthiest embryo. Also at this stage why not put in both the boy and girl embryo and up there chances of atleast one inplanting, if they both take they get twins. That kinda takes the decision out of it, those are the two healthiest embryos. I would love a sister for DD and of course dh would love a boy.

Want a personalized experience?

would you choose if you could?

Re: would you choose if you could?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards