What tips can you give me?

littlemurphy2912 · September 2014

My 2 year old DD does very well at school/daycare. On her daily sheet that my DH and I bring home from school everyday when we get her says that she has either eaten most or all of her snacks and meals and takes a good nap without her pacifier. Now at home she is picky on what she eats and I know that is because we try to allow her to have choices where I know she doesn't have choices at school. I also know that when she started eating more solid foods (not jarred baby food) that we didn't push her to try and eat meats and veggies just because we thought she would like them from the beginning since she liked the baby food kind. Is there any tips anyone can give me on a way we can start to get her to eat more of a variety of foods at home when we prepare them? I know that we will try to make stuff we know she can try and may like but half the time she won't eat it and we end up making her something else and it tends to be a pain. I know we are not helping her by allowing her to have a choice but just any tips how I can start to get her off the idea of having choices and just trying to eat what we have given to her already. Also, her teacher at school told me that probably for about 4 months now she doesn't use her pacifier to take a nap. They say she lays down on her mat with her blanket and passes right out without her pacifier. At home she wants her pacifier but also sleeps with the same blanket that she has at school plus a couple more with a humidifier on and I'm sure part of it is some of her other classmates not having one when they nap. But it boggles my mind how she stopped using it at school but always wants it at home for nap/bedtime. Maybe I should talk to her teacher about how she came to not using or asking for it anymore? Or maybe my DH and I aren't tiring her out enough with what we do with her on the weekends?

jlpev · September 2014

I would definitely talk to her teacher. Also maybe stop offering her so many options. I don't have much advice BC my kids hated pacifers and we did blw.

DawnLilly · September 2014

DS is sometimes picky. I put a meat, a fruit and a vegetable on his plate. It varies as to which one he doesn't want to eat. I pay attention to which one he ate first. When he's asks for more I tell him he can have more of whatever that first food was after he eats the one he doesn't want. Also, limit snacking in between meals.

Beevol · September 2014

Honestly, the only way I've ever seen someone get a picky eater to eat what was prepared for them is to hold firm and not provide any other food. I know adults who were picky as kids who still will only eat junk because no one ever made them - it's not like potty training wherein no one goes to college in diapers. Lots of people go to college eating only sugary cereal and chicken fingers.

Toddlers need to test the limits and boundaries of the world and your daughter is no dummy! She has learned that she doesn't need to eat what you serve her because you will make her something else, and that at school what's on her plate is what she gets so she eats it. It's not like the food you're preparing for dinner is too spicey or gross or generally unpalatable - she just knows that a peanut butter sandwich could be hers for the low low price of a small fit. Same thing with the pacifier - there is social pressure at school not to have one, but no one is pressuring her to give it up at home (at least, not if she throws a fit).

Toddlers are smart and they're sponges. They take in everything and put it together, fast. They don't know that fits are unpleasant for the people around them and make them seem like brats - for you and me, that's a 'well duh' but for them, a fit is a useful social tool, like smiling or saying 'please' because it gets them what they want.

If you decide to stop giving as many choices/no longer fixing her something special for meals there will be push back. There may be skipped meals. There will be epic temper tantrums. For at least a few days - maybe longer depending on how stubborn your kid is (think about it, if you know that the lever gives you what you want, then one day it stops working, a smart person will try to push harder and longer instead of just giving up). Same thing with the pacifier - there will be skipped naps and all of the fun we know if associated with an over tired toddler. Eventually, she'll figure out that the rules have changed and will adapt to the new rules.

skibunny59 · September 2014

Nicb13 said:

Kids are going to be very different for caretakers than they are at home so always keep that in mind.
What you are describing has a very, VERY easy fix. It doesn't work every time and your LO won't eat well at every meal but YOUR job is very easy: make 3 healthy meals a day, include 1-2 items on the plate that you know your LO likes and then offer it to her. If she doesn't eat, she doesn't eat. DO NOT make her separate meals. You doing that already has taught her that she doesn't have to eat and you will make her something else. That's not good.
I am saying all this to you from the perspective of a mom struggling everyday with a picky eater. DS will go without dinner 3-4 days a week because he refuses what I serve him. I stopped letting this stress me out. Look at the meals your LO takes in throughout the whole week rather than each day. She will not starve herself.
The more you give in, with food or the paci or whatever, the harder it is to break the habits that have formed. I know...I'm going through it!

I especially agree with the bolded in terms of meals. On weekends and when I'm home I offer her healthy choices for breakfast and lunch. For dinner I do not cook separate meals or offer her choices. DD either eats what we give her or she doesn't eat. She also is very unpredictable about what she will eat. One day she will gobble up peas for example and the next day she will claim she doesn't like peas. I don't make a huge issue about eating though. We sit at the table together as a family and talk about our day. I don't force her to eat anything but I do make her stay in her seat for awhile. I feel like even at this young age, you are teaching them good table manners and that means not throwing a fit because you don't like the meal and not racing out of your chair the minute you're done.

littlemurphy2912 · September 2014

Thank you everyone for your response and useful tips on this topic of mine. I read online that at this stage kids my DD's age aren't into sitting completely still and eating lots of their plate at meal times. They are still trying to experiment with food and figure out what they like and don't like (even though that can change lots over the years as they keep growing). I also read that they like to snack on food still. It works out better (per online) to have bite size foods for them to snack on, on a plate and to not harp too much on eating a whole meal with you at the table. It makes sense to me somewhat but then how do you instill in them to sit still at a table for each meal during the day and eat what they have in-front of them while everyone else does? Anyways, our pediatrician also told DH and I that we need to get her to learn to eat what is put in-front of her even if she doesn't eat all of it. We need to put things we know she likes and will eat on her plate and also put something new and different she hasn't ate before and see if she will try it. DH and I have also started that if she doesn't want to eat when we do that she isn't able to get anything sweet afterwards until she eats the majority or all of her meal and if that doesn't work then we tell her if she gets hungry later....her food will be here waiting for her. That seems to help a good bit because she will refer back to that plate of food and will want to go and eat it which makes us happy. It also doesn't help that my DH is the cook in our family and he's a fairly picky eater so there isn't a TON of variety in our meals like I like to have. UGH! :-/

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