Xmas question--anyone not participating this year?

ColoradoBoat · September 2014

The post on Christmas below got my attention. I was thinking of talking with family about not expecting anything from us this year. This is our first baby and given family history, it may be late, thus arriving in the middle of December. Plus we won't have any extra funds with baby coming. Also, in my own family, generally once kids come gifts are given to kids but no longer to grownups (though cash can be an exception).

I need to talk with DH about his family and letting them know we don't expect any gifts from them, and that we don't plan to do gifts (as long as DH agrees). Depending on how I feel, I might not even participate in family Xmas celebrations, though I hope to as it will give me an excuse to get out of the house. MIL lives 45 minutes away and usually hosts Xmas, but I'm afraid this year of people being sick and my very young baby getting sick.

Anyone gotten out of family gift giving before? How'd you do it? And how do I handle the going/not going to a family celebration with baby? Thanks!

Mousy345 · September 2014

I don't think we will be gift giving either. My due date is Dec 26 and this gets us out of any family celebrations since we'd have to travel for those. For ourselves I plan to do some strings of lights outside and our miniature fake tree as usual, but really nothing special. We will do as many of the special church services/carol services as we can (husband is in our cathedral choir) but it is going to be pretty low-key. I imagine that any gifts we receive will be for baby.

Christmas used to be my favourite time of year but I actually don't mind giving it a miss this year. After all, this could be the most miraculous Christmas of my whole life!!

path75 · September 2014

I am due Dec 31st so not sure how it will pan out. Two younger nephews will get gifts and rest may not.

Eliz77 · September 2014

We will be keeping the holiday simple and most likely have immediate family over. No one is expecting anything big or grand, just spending time together. My mom and sister have already talked about bringing food over to cook, and my MIL wants to contribute in any way she can. I'm sure money will be tight, but we still plan to give gifts.

Now, I just hope I won't be two weeks late and in the hospital for Christmas!

agsgrrl · September 2014

Me! I'm due Christmas, and FTM so I think we're sitting it out this year. Money is going to be tight anyway. We really only exchange with parents generally. I think a granddaughter will be a decent gift

love2travel2014 · September 2014

I already told my family that we won't be doing Christmas this year. I am 1000 miles away so I definitely won't be able to join in on the celebrations and babies are expensive so I won't be doing gifts either because we have an insanely large family. They all completely understand

kimba1976 · September 2014

I'm such a grinch. I really wish I could call off Christmas, but DH goes nutso over it. At least this year I have an excuse to get out of decorating, cooking, and shopping.

mrsrroberson · September 2014

KimberlyC1984 said:
I already told my family that we won't be doing Christmas this year. I am 1000 miles away so I definitely won't be able to join in on the celebrations and babies are expensive so I won't be doing gifts either because we have an insanely large family. They all completely understand </blockquote

Pretty much this, except I'm not 1000 of miles away, actually we're all about 5 miles from each other lol. We have a huge family that gathers Christmas Eve and we gives all kids under 18 gifts. I just can't see myself out and about doing it all. Then my immediate family (parents, sisters, SO's, nieces & nephews) has a Christmas Day brunch where I've offered my house mainly because it's the biggest to accommodate all of us. So I think all of them are getting gift cards if anything at all.

JesseCingel · September 2014

I am so happy not to have to travel this year! Either 2 hrs into NYC to see my MIL or all the way to Omaha to see my family. I love Xmas and I love hosting, but it's a relief to not partake in the hoopla. I'm looking forward to a calm Xmas with my husband, son and possibly a new baby.

CandEChicago · September 2014

ColoradoBoat said:
The post on Christmas below got my attention. I was thinking of talking with family about not expecting anything from us this year. This is our first baby and given family history, it may be late, thus arriving in the middle of December. Plus we won't have any extra funds with baby coming. Also, in my own family, generally once kids come gifts are given to kids but no longer to grownups (though cash can be an exception).

I need to talk with DH about his family and letting them know we don't expect any gifts from them, and that we don't plan to do gifts (as long as DH agrees). Depending on how I feel, I might not even participate in family Xmas celebrations, though I hope to as it will give me an excuse to get out of the house. MIL lives 45 minutes away and usually hosts Xmas, but I'm afraid this year of people being sick and my very young baby getting sick.

Anyone gotten out of family gift giving before? How'd you do it? And how do I handle the going/not going to a family celebration with baby? Thanks!

I am sure both families would understand if you told the that plans this year are tentative and depend on how both you and b aby are doing.

ColeyCannoli · September 2014

I'm going to send out some gifts, especially to the kiddos in the family who expect them the most, but mostly I'm out this year. We moved out of state from family last year and I do not feel comfortable taking a really little one so far through holiday traffic. But if people want to come to me, they are welcome.

Cristin343 · September 2014

My family basically told me, "you are giving us a grandchild this year! We do NOT want anything else! No gifts!"
Of course I am buying tiny things now. Very small. So far a t-shirt for the men in my life, a book for mom. If you keep your eyes open now, you might actually find little meaningful something to store away.

Shortstack06 · September 2014

We have a family dinner every Sunday and I have mentioned I will be staying home because I will be huge and/or miserable. My parents and sisters might stop out at our house and visit, but I just don't want the stress to actually go to about 10 places between Christmas Eve and Christmas that is a bit much. He had a falling out with his Mom's side of the family so I am glad I can avoid the cigarette smoke of that disaster. Their food is awful, they screw up mac and cheese every year. Not sure how you can do that.

[Deleted User] · September 2014

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mlee116 · September 2014

I agree with @Ainslie325 in that its totally the thought that counts and not the monetary value of gifts. In the past, DH and I have certainly had a tight budget and very little money for gifts. We still did something small to let people know that we were thinking of them. We've done framed photos, homemade treats, Christmas ornaments...that's all I can think of right now. We are planning to scale back this year as we will have more baby expenses and I will be on maternity leave.

As far as celebrations, I'm due Dec. 31 and I have yet to schedule my RCS so we'll see. I'm planning to go to any celebrations that are in our same town and skipping any that are OOT.

jlbeanza · September 2014

One thing we have started doing in my family is a secret Santa type thing. We each choose one person out of a hat from each side of the family and buy them a small gift. My family is pretty big and we all agree that we don't "need" anything. This lets us still exchange gifts and be thoughtful without breaking the bank. We do all buy gifts for the little ones, however. Just a suggestion!

BLH2014 · September 2014

I haven't really made any specific decisions, but I definitely may tell everyone that we're really paring down on gifts (I can't not do anything -- I may just make everyone a batch of cookies or sweets) and that we don't expect anything for us in return in light of that. I'm not due until December 29, and with my family history, I could be going late.....so we'll probably participate in the celebrations as normal, but I def don't want to be doing a bunch of shopping or spending as much money as usual.

ColoradoBoat · September 2014

Thanks all for the tips. And saying everything is tentative this year is a great advice @CandEChicago!

nolanova85 · September 2014

We typically do this big road trip to FL (from DC - it's a drive) over the holidays where we see family from both sides in Jacksonville, Orlando, & Ft. Myers. Then we usually take a few days for ourselves in Miami.

Obviously we're not doing that this year. My parents are planning to fly up just before or shortly after Christmas (my Dad's retirement job is in retail, so it's a hard time for him to be away) rather than coming when LO is born. They'll be staying with us, and we're certainly not decorating. My mom knows that if they want a Christmas dinner (which isn't important to DH & I), she and my dad will end up doing the work. But I haven't broached the gift subject. Typically we always do significant ($$) gift giving. In an ideal world I would say only do gifts for LO or let's at least do a monetary cap - $50 or so - on gifts for each other.

Many of you are right - it shouldn't be about the gifts. But somehow it still is, and I sense this might be an issue in my family

soulcupcake · September 2014

We're only doing gifts for the kids and each other. That's generally always been the case.

orange1414 · September 2014

My due date is December 19, and we've pretty much told everyone to play Christmas by ear. I don't want to feel pressured because I want this little guy to make his debut when he's good and ready. We've already established that we're not doing gifts. I'll probably do New Years cards/birth announcements instead of Christmas cards. I *may* put up the tree, but it lives in the spot I was going to put the first-floor pack n play in, so that might not happen either. It's going to be all baby, all the time around here!

AlwaysForgetful · September 2014

I get to enjoy TWO very large family get together from SO's side... One for his mom's side and one for his dad's.... Yep, large close family. One we host (I am NOT doing any work for this year, they can). In pervious years we have had 50+ people and someone is always ill.

How do I keep baby from getting ill? (I had a mid November baby and a October baby). HANDS OFF BABY. Yep. Strict rule of no pass the baby. I use to have one family member I trusted, but I had to stop the pass the 2 month old last year. So this year I will be baby wearing. A cousin also had a newborn 2 years ago and she left baby int he baby carrier, baby stayed next to her, and no one was aloud to touch the carrier or the baby. Can be a PITA with a nurse for a MIL (her, not me) who told her she was silly. But baby did not get ill. MIL did (HAHAHA). That is how it is handled. I also take baby to bowling so I dont get cabin fever.

missmissie82 · September 2014

Until we knew we had an IUGR baby, we were planning on being at all Christmas celebrations and keeping gifts small and thoughtful - more for hauling things around than budgetary concerns. We have started Christmas shopping already, so we are ahead when it comes to our daughter and some family members. Our EDD is 12/27 and c/s was tent. scheduled for 12/19. But now that's changed and germs are more of a concern, on top of a potential NICU stay.

So basically, I'm a special snowflake today.

taylojade57 · September 2014

I am due the week after Christmas, so we won't be traveling. DH's family is invited the first weekend of December, and mine the second weekend. That way we can celebrate with them, and they can do their regular Christmas traditions.
The only reason why it is split up is because he would have 6 people coming here, and I would have 6, and we just don't have space for all of those people, and they don't have funds for hotels.

jjaxbie · September 2014

We are doing the whole crazy thing - two sets of out of town family staying with us back to back, a tree, lights, cookies, santa for the kids, eggnog, dinner - it's completely ridiculous but I can't wait. So excited for baby to be here and for parents to meet her. Christmas just makes it all the more fun.

Due Dec 19 so family knows that I may be delivering or have a very newborn - but that's ok. There will be lots of handwashing and if someone is sick they understand that they need to stay away. DS2 was born just after thanksgiving so they've sort of seen this show before - it's called be respectful of the baby's health and be an adult and help with the cooking, planning, clean-up etc.

Just because we are hosting doesn't mean we are entertaining. ;-)

jlmynes · September 2014

We have also informed family will will not be giving or expecting any gifts this year due to the timing of when the LO might arrive. With all of our extra cash going to nursery prep and diapers we won't have much left over anyhow for extra gifts. Family completely understood. We also will not be traveling to anyone's house for Christmas this year. Only grandparents are welcome to come over to ours on Xmas day to visit and see the baby. Of course that is if he's even here by then

SerenityAE · September 2014

We wont be doing much gifts this year. I'll get my toddler age nephew a gift because he has so much fun opening them, but other than that honestly wont have the funds. My SO will want to get his two daughters (non-biological, previous wife's kids) the usual quite-large-amount gift cards but he may have to whittle down on the amount this year.

I still plan to decorate though. I LOVE decorating for Christmas. And this is our first year in our house, I'm pumped about getting it looking awesome for the holidays. I will have my tree, decorated mantle, and string lights outside (hung by SO) if I have to pay someone to come do it!

We usually go to his parents house for Christmas, not a crowd- just them and us, so I'm ok with that. As long as we're home from hospital and feeling up to going of course. They only live 20 minutes away. I'd say they come to our house but his mom has some health issues and its super hard for her to get out.

Annie&Raggy · September 2014

We are due the 1st and are planing what is normally a 9 hour drive to visit my family for a month or so. I havent spent christmas with my side of the family for 5 years. Not sure if we'll give gifts yet though. My Dads birthday is the 18th and mine is the 28th and my little sisters is jan 6th so we'll get gifts for my dad and sister at the very least! Excited to see family over eveything else!!! Not so much about the long drive. Ughh

ajlmom · September 2014

I'm due before xmas so I hope to go to some xmas celebrations, if not too far. I think a new granddaughter/niece/cousin is a pretty darn good present for all! I'll see what kind of shopping I can get done online but no promise.

JunkieBrewster · September 2014

I am due the 26th and unless I am stuck in the hospital, I will still be hosting dinner. If needed, my husband will cook.

beaniousmaximus · October 2014

Nope! We're not doing a damn thing! And I cannot tell you how excited I am to just "relax" instead of losing all my hair attending every stupid dinner we're invited to. :P For the last two years (since my first son was born) we have to attend 5 Christmas dinners in one week (plus the dinner I make on Christmas day). I'm not a "people" or "dinner" person to begin with...so I'm looking forward to using this as an excuse to avoid the dinners this year. Most of our family is local so we see them all the time anyway (on average, at least one dinner a month with random visits).

Before my son was born we gave gifts to everyone, then we started giving out bottles of wine per dinner we went to. This year, between having a new baby and buying gifts for our 2 year old we wont have money to be getting anyone anything other than birth announcement/Christmas cards. I'm getting my 12 year old brother a gift card...but that's because he's a kid and it will be his birthday.

Our celebration at home on Christmas day will still be the same...I'll still decorate and we'll give gifts to our 2 year old. I'll do my best to make some sort of dinner. My csection is about a week before Christmas...so I'll probably just do something simple-ish.

krisleav1130 · October 2014

My husband had a big family and they always make a big deal out of gift giving. We've done gifts for everyone and Secret Santa before. This year my husband and I decided we were making jellies, jams, and other homemade goodies for the family. We told my MIL that we didn't want to participate in Secret Santa. It was just that easy. We also said that we probably wouldn't be attending any family Christmas parties this year. Instead, we are hosting Christmas at our house for just immediate family (as long as they aren't sick). Just be honest with your family. They can't get mad at you for that.
Good luck!

MGWC · October 2014

I have two step sons, so we started doing photos in nice frames to family starting the year my DH and I got married. EVERYONE, including my parents, loved getting those. I'm a big baker, so also make breads and cakes as gifts.

It really shouldn't be expected of you. You're adding member to the family for Christmas, that's a really amazing gift!

amieeyoung · October 2014

beaniousmaximus said:

Nope! We're not doing a damn thing! And I cannot tell you how excited I am to just "relax" instead of losing all my hair attending every stupid dinner we're invited to. :P For the last two years (since my first son was born) we have to attend 5 Christmas dinners in one week (plus the dinner I make on Christmas day). I'm not a "people" or "dinner" person to begin with...so I'm looking forward to using this as an excuse to avoid the dinners this year. Most of our family is local so we see them all the time anyway (on average, at least one dinner a month with random visits).

Before my son was born we gave gifts to everyone, then we started giving out bottles of wine per dinner we went to. This year, between having a new baby and buying gifts for our 2 year old we wont have money to be getting anyone anything other than birth announcement/Christmas cards. I'm getting my 12 year old brother a gift card...but that's because he's a kid and it will be his birthday.

Our celebration at home on Christmas day will still be the same...I'll still decorate and we'll give gifts to our 2 year old. I'll do my best to make some sort of dinner. My csection is about a week before Christmas...so I'll probably just do something simple-ish.

Me me me... too much running around every year = going to be nice to sit at home. We are trying to decide what to eat and have almost decided on a crock pot pot roast or something similar so we don't have a lot of cooking or cleaning up either... ahhhh I am excited!!!!

mgk207 · October 2014

I'm not due until New Year's Eve, so I have no earthly clue whether I'll have a baby by Christmas or not. Either way, my parents, sister and her family are coming to spend a few days with us (in a hotel), so that we can celebrate Christmas together. We will cook Christmas dinner at our house, and keep it casual. My family understands that I will do what I can, but they don't expect much of me. I'm really looking forward to having company without the pressure of hosting!

hollieandaaron2012 · October 2014

I am normally really generous with Christmas and I have 8 nieces and nephews but this year I am really conflicted. I don't want people to think that now that we have a baby we aren't going to being giving presents but this is the most expensive year of my life and DH is laid off and I won't get a paycheck for half of my leave. We have a nest egg so it's not like I am worried about bills I just can't really afford to be anywhere as generous as before but I also don't want to not do anything. It is even harder when my sister is super generous with giving me and the baby a present every time she see us!

AColeman82 · October 2014

I am due Dec 20th, my husband and I decided early on that we were not doing the usual 5 houses in 2 days for Christmas, or doing gifts, or decorating. And I am glad, because to be perfectly honest I just don't feel like it.

jaymee1021 · October 2014

We are doing christmas with our families but they live like 2 mins away! Only doing gifts for kids though. And will do a pic or something of the baby for grandparents but that's about it.

bubblesnco · October 2014

I'm due early December, so I already let DH know we won't be going anywhere for thanksgiving (he did ask why before he ultimately accepted it). Since all our immediate family is in town, we should be able to make Christmas. On my side, since there are now 8 'kids', we started drawing names. Best. Thing. Ever. So much less pressure! We also try to come up with something to get mom and dad together as a group when possible. As they seem to like that more anyway.

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