Community› The Bump Message Boards› Toddlers: 24 Months+
Toddlers: 24 Months+
New Discussion

Random Rant & Question

littlemurphy2912littlemurphy2912 member
in Toddlers: 24 Months+
This does not pertain to my DD but just a question and a bit of a rant of something I've been noticing much more since before my DD turned 2. Has anyone other than myself experienced not having as many friends as what you had prior to having a baby? Or has anyone experienced being judged by your friends for how you mother/raise your kid and not being able to really relate or have much of a friendship with them because one or the other is different since having a baby? I have been seeing a lot of the judging more now a days than I have ever! I don't understand why. I know that I may get confused or not fully understand how certain people or friends of mine are as a mom to their kid but that doesn't mean I am going to allow it on my part to hinder our friendship...no! If they let it, that's their problem. They are who they are now with having a baby. I just don't get why there is so much of this going on now and how people lose friendships over this kind of stuff. This may have been happening for a long time but I didn't really notice it till now. Such a sad thing.
Report Reply to Post

Re: Random Rant & Question

  • RamaLamaDDRamaLamaDD member
    I lost one friend completely after getting married and having LO. She sent me a Facebook message, of all things, raised various issues, including my DH (whom she apparently disapproved of), my political affiliation (none?), and our lives just being "too different" (read LO) and told me we were "acquaintances at best".
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • littlemurphy2912littlemurphy2912 member
    Wow I am sorry to hear that @RamaLamaDD. That's crazy! @nicb, that's what I have started doing recently too. It's just hard and I don't get why things like this happen. I know people will come and go throughout my lifetime but it's still just so strange.
    Report Reply
  • bitsybubbles7bitsybubbles7 member
    To go with pp, I haven't lost any friends, but it is harder to schedule things with them.  My two closest girlfriends both work full-time and have kids.  Pre-kids, we used to get together at least once a month, if not more.  Now, we get together once every 2-3 months and sometimes I think we appreciate each other more because of it. 
    image
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • shipsshoessealingwaxshipsshoessealingwax member
    edited September 2014
    I've always been the type to have a small number of SUPER close friends, & that hasn't changed.

    I would honestly rather spend time w/ DS than anyone else, I cannot afford a sitter even if I wanted one & my husband's crazy work schedule means I am never available to do things the same day from one week to the next.

    If it weren't for my Meetup groups, library story time, & the park I'd probably never see other moms more than casually!
    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Report Reply
  • DawnJM25DawnJM25 member
    I've made more friends now that I'm a mom, and I feel a lot more support as a wife, mother, etc. The judgment I notice comes more from family, like opinionated grandmas and aunts, etc. I don't go out or socialize as much as I used to.
    Report Reply
  • FabulousMrs.PFabulousMrs.P member
    I haven't lost friends but I haven't seen them as much as before. I am just too exhausted between working full time, keeping house, taking care of my DD, doctors appointments for the family, vet appointments for our sick dog. It is just more of a scheduling thing now. I have had more issues with family judging than my friends. That said I have a pretty small circle of friends and we are all kind of laid back.

    I do know other people who have lost friends once they had kids due to differences in child rearing. For example, I know my mom cut things off with a friend who argued with her over why my education was important as I was "just a girl." My mom didn't want me to be around an influence that didn't think education was important.
    After 2 years of TTC, our daughter was born on Oct 31, 2011!
    7lbs 13oz  20 inches long
    image
    image"Lilypie">

    Report Reply
  • blu-eyedwifeblu-eyedwife member
    Another who has more friends now.  Also, I rarely feel judged, and when I do it's more from strangers than those in my inner circle (friends/family).  I recently went out with some of my girlfriends and we actually remarked at how judgment free our group was.   And it's nice having friends who don't mind last minute cancellations because they get what being a mom is like.  (2 of us canceled on a birthday party last weekend because of sick kids and the hostess didn't even bat an eye)

    Maybe it's an age thing?  I don't know how old you are, but your avatar makes you look fairly young (if you're not then I'm so jealous of your good genes!).  If you have fairly young friends too then they might not "get it" quite yet.
    June '15 January Siggy Challenge.  Pinterest Fails
    image

     Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Report Reply
  • littlemurphy2912littlemurphy2912 member
    Thank you @blu-eyedwife! I am 30 and am the oldest in my small group of friends by either a month to a couple months or a year or so. I do have a friend that is a few months older than me but her and I's parenting styles are pretty different from each other so we don't see eye to eye on many things and don't stay in touch as much as we used to prior to having our kids. I am so happy to hear that not many of you ladies have "lost" any of your friends due to becoming mothers and don't have any judgment either! I don't deal with it a whole lot but when I am around other people that I don't know I see it more which is probably more normal. Just one of those things where you see someone or even one of your friends with their kid(s) and they are telling their kids or having them do opposite of what you would have your kid do or tell them and you think "I wonder why they are doing that to their kid?" type of thing. Oh well.
    Report Reply
  • littlemurphy2912littlemurphy2912 member
    @blu-eyedwife‌.....it didn't highlight your full name in blue on the post I put you in above. Hoping this works better.
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"