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June 2014 Moms
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SS/AW Crying myself to sleep

babyglo350babyglo350 member
in June 2014 Moms
Forgive me for bringing up this topic again but I know this is where I can let it out before trying to sleep. I'm going back to work tomorrow after 13 weeks of mat leave. My husband is in the living room watching tv so I'm in bed alone with my sweet baby sleeping like an angel in his bassinet beside me. I'm heartbroken. I can't stop crying. I don't want to leave him. I wish I had more money. I hate my measley little life right now. I know he's going to be fine with my dad but I'm his mother. He needs me dammit. I feel so fucked up. I'm sad and angry and scared all at the same time. How do people do this? How am I going to do this? I feel like I might have a panic attack. I don't think I'm strong enough.
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Re: SS/AW Crying myself to sleep

  • mrscbradmrscbrad member
    Every woman is different but I remind myself that my mom wasn't at home with me and I adore her. And my husband has a terrible relationship with his mom and she did SAH. Plus I get tons of pictures and updates during the day and it's kind of nice to feel appreciated for more than my milk production during the day. Good luck!
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  • sm623sm623 member
    It's tough leaving your baby for the first time. I cried on and off all day the day before I went back to work. I also cried the morning I went back when I dropped her off, when I got to work, and when I picked her up. As tough as it is, you are doing what's best for your family and that's what makes you a good mom. If anything, it has helped me realize how precious my time with my LO is and reminds me to stop and enjoy every second with her. It has also made me more efficient at work so I can leave most of my work at work. It's tough, but you will get through it and you will be stronger because of it.
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  • Abenedict2011Abenedict2011 member
    It's hard. I cried the whole night before I went back too, but as the ladies above said working to provide for our families makes us good moms too. Be gentle with yourself the next few days/weeks. I've been back 3 weeks now and it is getting easier.
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  • JmeJoLee83JmeJoLee83 member
    I am worried about this too...I feel your pain. Just count down the hours until you get to cuddle him again tomorrow after work. The time will pass much faster for him I'm sure :x
    First time mommy-to-be
    E.D.D. June 1, 2014

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  • lest12lest12 member
    I completely feel your pain. I try to remind myself of the reasons I'm going back to work, and how we want to be able to do things with the baby, from family trips to bring able to help with college, etc. And we couldn't do it on just 1 salary. So I'm doing it for him.

    This thought sometimes calms me down. And I know I'm just going to treasure every single minute with him I'm not working. But it sucks.

    I hope tomorrow isn't as bad for you as we have it made out to be in our heads. Huge hugs.

     

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  • BabyCurtiss2014BabyCurtiss2014 member
    Hugs! I'm blessed that I can SAH for now but I know it must be so hard so just wanted to say hugs and good luck <3
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  • RedMarRedMar member
    Hugs!!! I'll be in your position soon enough! I feel fortunate I didn't have to go back when LO was just 6wks- I would've lost my shit. Good luck and always feel welcome to vent here!
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  • amackattackamackattack member
    Hugs! I know you probably can't imagine it, but you won't feel this awful every day! I have been back at work for a week and my first week every time a coworker asked about LO I cried. I couldn't look at pictures of her. I couldn't sleep at night, I was downright distraught. Now at my second week I really don't feel that way anymore, although I still miss her very much. And really, there are other benefits that have come out of it that I didn't expect...I think it's helped my relationship with my H. He does drop off and he has really stepped up with his new responsibilities and it has made him more interested in spending time with her in general.  We have much more shared responsibility for baby and things around the house now, and I use to resent him when he had to come home late. Now I just cherish that time as more alone time with LO. I really do enjoy every minute I spend with her from 4:30 on and it makes the weekends that much sweeter when our whole family can be together. It's nice having the daycare to bounce questions off of, and I don't have to worry about whether I'm stimulating her enough or we have enough toys because I know she is exposed to lots of new books, songs, and activities at the daycare. She gets her tummy and exercise time in during the day, and in the evenings she gets endless snuggles and is pretty much constantly held and talked to. She's become awesome at sleeping through noise as well. My desk job at work allows me to sometimes make plans for activities I want to do with her, meal planning, and other stuff without cutting into my time with her. 

    Remind yourself that the first week is going to be the hardest, cry as much as you want...it's therapeutic! But when you've reached a break between tears, try to search for positives. 
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  • jenn72178jenn72178 member
    @babyglo350‌ good luck today xo
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  • katekat8721katekat8721 member
    nunzchucks said:

    BabyCurtiss2014 said:

    Hugs! I'm blessed that I can SAH for now but I know it must be so hard so just wanted to say hugs and good luck <3 </p>

    Well that is the least supportive thing to write in this thread.


    OP, best of luck today. You're an awesome mom!
    seriously!

    @babyglo350‌ today is my first day too. Take some deep breaths mama. We'll get through today. If you want to talk feel free to PM me. Let's be honest, not much actual "work" is gonna be done today amirite? :)

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  • TaymillerTaymiller member
    @babyglo350‌ - good luck today, you will do great!

    Same to you @katekat8721‌, have a good day, you got this!
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  • mrscbradmrscbrad member
    Lcgroenewe said:

    Hugs! I know you probably can't imagine it, but you won't feel this awful every day! I have been back at work for a week and my first week every time a coworker asked about LO I cried. I couldn't look at pictures of her. I couldn't sleep at night, I was downright distraught. Now at my second week I really don't feel that way anymore, although I still miss her very much. And really, there are other benefits that have come out of it that I didn't expect...I think it's helped my relationship with my H. He does drop off and he has really stepped up with his new responsibilities and it has made him more interested in spending time with her in general.  We have much more shared responsibility for baby and things around the house now, and I use to resent him when he had to come home late. Now I just cherish that time as more alone time with LO. I really do enjoy every minute I spend with her from 4:30 on and it makes the weekends that much sweeter when our whole family can be together. It's nice having the daycare to bounce questions off of, and I don't have to worry about whether I'm stimulating her enough or we have enough toys because I know she is exposed to lots of new books, songs, and activities at the daycare. She gets her tummy and exercise time in during the day, and in the evenings she gets endless snuggles and is pretty much constantly held and talked to. She's become awesome at sleeping through noise as well. My desk job at work allows me to sometimes make plans for activities I want to do with her, meal planning, and other stuff without cutting into my time with her. 


    Remind yourself that the first week is going to be the hardest, cry as much as you want...it's therapeutic! But when you've reached a break between tears, try to search for positives. 
    All of this!! Plus I've started finding ways to reduce the amt of time I'm spending on non-baby stuff like ordering our household supplies from Target on subscription or buying groceries with store pickup so I don't have to shop. I've also loved the time from 4:30-8:00 when I get him all to myself. We've developed rituals that have helped too. When I drop him off I hold him and rock him before I leave and when I pick him up I feed him and get him ready for his last nap begore we head home. It helps. Good luck guys!
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  • amackattackamackattack member
    edited September 2014
    @mrscbrad what do you use for store pickup?? I'm not sure where you're located but we get pretty good fuel points at Kroger which is where I've been going...but I've considered looking around for a place that does store pickup. 

    ETA I've also done similar things such as make grandma responsible for all clothes shopping for baby (which she LOVES) and I just pay her what she spends! I also order most of what we need and gifts for people on Amazon so I don't have to go out. 
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  • mrscbradmrscbrad member
    I've been using Harris Teeter for store pick up and Target for small things sometimes too. Kroger just acquired HT though last summer so I'm hoping they will start the pick up soon! Kroger is much closer for me.
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  • jenlynne0624jenlynne0624 member
    Hugs. I don't want to go back either but dh is starting to resent working so much and it's stressing him out, which in turn causes a lot of tension between us. He's pretty unhappy with his life right now and I feel for him. I'll go back part time for money to go on trips and put money away for h, and just overall make life better.
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  • lest12lest12 member
    Thanks @lalala8. That made me feel better :)

     

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  • lest12lest12 member
    Hang in there, @babyglo350‌! These other ladies keep saying everyday gets easier!

     

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