Potential job offer at 10 weeks - tell or not???

ejra · September 2014

Hi There! I've been a lurker mostly and have so appreciated this board, the advice and laughs for the past 5 weeks or so - so thank you! I finally have a question of my own and would love a spot of your honest advice please....

Interviewed for a job today which went very well so there is a potential offer coming this week! It's a great job with a practice I'd love to be part of longer term (after baby). I didn't disclose the pregnancy - (10 weeks tomorrow) I haven't even had an US or told my parents yet! My instinct was to tell the directors after an offer - but it would be so easy to just accept! Is it too dishonest / deceitful this close to the second tri to not tell? I think I might feel awful and dread the eventual 'conversation' after I'm hired. They know I'm married with a new house so are probably expecting it someday....I did tell them I'd like a long term role in a company I can grow into and I meant it.

On a side note I'm 32 and a FTM and am not needing the job financially, I'm just selfish and egotistical and want some experience in my field prebaby (I just finished my masters).

Sorry for the novel and thanks for reading, what would you do in my situation? any opinions are
welcome! Thank you!!

Smash1215 · September 2014

I absolutely would not tell them. If you're interested, you should take it.

taahira · September 2014

Nope. I wouldn't tell him. You don't have to right now.

Sharon&Paul · September 2014

I would not tell them until you have the position. Even though it illegal for them to disqualify you for pregnancy, it still happens. It is hard to prove.

lindsayanne14 · September 2014

I would accept the job if it's offered and tell them at a later date.

crossfit704 · September 2014

Ditto everyone else. I would take the job and tell them when I was comfortable.

Mom2bois85 · September 2014

This happened in my last pregnancy. I was offered a new job and had just got my BFP the day before! I decided not to say anything until I started showing. I was worried that my manager/managers would be upset with me (all 25-30 something men)
Well, they were all very happy for me and extremely sweet and accommodating, as was the entire staff. It was a bartending position. I swear every time my boss saw me carrying anything remotely heavy like a 12pk he would run over and grab it from me or have a busser come take it from me. He was like, "don't lift too much ok?!" So adorbs!
Good luck! Hope everything is fine!

Ifeellikeamammal · September 2014

Lean in! Remember the laws that protect pregnant women from such discrimination are in place for a reason...it happens. If you get an offer it is because you earned it-- your hard-earned master's degree and career path up until this point aren't suddenly less valuable just because you're preggers. Once you accept, you'll demonstrate your value to the company and will feel more confident disclosing after they see your worth.

alexis95 · September 2014

I wouldn't tell them until you're starting to show, or at least out of your first trimester. Plus you're not legally obligated to tell them anything, but do whatever you feel is right!(:

Murran131 · September 2014

I always think honesty is the best policy - if this is somewhere you want to work long term, how good of a relationship are you going to have with you coworkers/employers when they find out? It might not actually be a big deal to them, but in the back of their minds their going to wish you had been up front about your situation. They may it may not hire you when you tell them, but at least them respect you for your honesty. That's what I would do, especially since you said you don't NEED the job.

70point3 · September 2014

Ideally - tell them. But not knowing the boss and the rules if the company/state you're in, you never know how it can be handled. Some other candidates might be "more qualified" based on their "availability" if that makes sense.

I was nervous about telling my boss (which I did at 9 wks b/c we're in super planning mode for next year) but turns out it was fine. He and his superiors (whom I also told personally at 10wks) are all actually happy for us and are glad they know early enough to make reasonable plans. I asked that it not be company news til 2nd tri as I don't feel like explaining to the WHOLE company in case anything goes south and they've been very respectful.

But again......... Every boss is different.

jessattaway · September 2014

I would not tell them. I just had a job at a company with fewer then 15 employees and disclosed I was pregnant when he offered me the job. He said it was fine and then later decided to fire me for being pregnant bc he didn't want to have a new face around when I was on maternity leave. I did seek legal advice and learned that there was nothing I could do bc the state I live in doesn't protect pregnant women in a small business with fewer than 15 employees. I started a thread called fired for being pregnant if you want more details.

Jalexandra22 · September 2014

You can always tell them you just found out after you start, but they can't withdrawal the offer because you are pregnant. I would tell them after the offer comes in...

MPKbaby237 · September 2014

Ifeellikeamammal said:
Lean in! Remember the laws that protect pregnant women from such discrimination are in place for a reason...it happens. If you get an offer it is because you earned it-- your hard-earned master's degree and career path up until this point aren't suddenly less valuable just because you're preggers. Once you accept, you'll demonstrate your value to the company and will feel more confident disclosing after they see your worth.

Couldn't agree more. I love that book!

Dani428 · September 2014

It's a really tough position to be in. I personally would hold off until I was showing because 1) I wouldn't disclose my pregnancy before 12 weeks to my coworkers anyway and 2) while there are laws protecting pregnant women from discrimination, whose to say they wouldn't pick someone else that's "just as qualified" knowing you'd be out for X number of weeks. I would however tell as soon as I hit 12 and be honest that it was just too early when you were in the interview process.

Edit: and GOOD LUCK!

AMShark · September 2014

I would wait until you got the job offer, but then, seriously consider telling them at the same time that you accept. That way, you've taken your pregnancy out of the decision making process, but you've also been up front. And if they do withdraw the offer, you'd have to wonder if that's the kind of place where you would want to work anyway.
I might think about the whole thing differently if you needed the job, but since you don't need the job, you have the option of taking a chance.

Eta- words

ally3242 · September 2014

I would stay tight lipped until you're in your second trimester. Take the job if it's something you want! You won't be pregnant and on leave for, forever.

ejra · September 2014

Wow, thank you all SO much for the honest feedback! I'm re-reading and mulling all of your wisdom over now - I'm really grateful for each comment and am relieved there are a few others in this boat. Good luck GiveMeABrownieNow and mrayche with your new jobs!
jessattaway, what a total jerkoff boss! I'm so sorry, at least he showed his true colors, if it were me I guess I'd say good riddance to working for a guy like that. Best of luck to you in finding something better....
Thanks again everyone, much appreciated

vspek · September 2014

I would not say anything. The only thing that I would suggest thinking on your behalf is you won't qualify for maternity leave, the most that you will get will be 6 weeks disability post delivery. If you are ready for this, then I would suggest taking the job offer and telling them later on when you are ready.

reneegrewe · September 2014

I accepted a new job one day after finding out I was 4 weeks pregnant. I told them when I was about 8 weeks, and they were very happy for me! I was surprised because it was an IT job and all of my coworkers/bosses are men...every single one!

Want a personalized experience?

Potential job offer at 10 weeks - tell or not???

Re: Potential job offer at 10 weeks - tell or not???

Choose Another Board

Search Boards