Am I in the minority?

amieeyoung · September 2014

I have noticed a lot of discussions about how to tell people that they will not be in the delivery room. (which is cool- we should all do what we are comfortable with). I do wonder though, am I the only one who wants support there? Last time having my mom there (who honestly can drive me nuts other times) really helped. My ex MIL was in there and that wasn't weird. IDK if current MIL wants to be in there or in the waiting room, but I am fine with whichever. Then again they stayed above the ladybits

. I pushed for 2 hours after many hours of labor and it was a godsend having extra support.

Also my dad and some family came in and out before labor was hard ( I was induced last time), and it helped pass the time. Just curious if maybe I am just old fashioned or weird

lol?

beccalee721 · September 2014

I've seen plenty of women on here saying they like having family in the room. I don't live near family so that isn't something I have to choose but I would prefer just my DH unless like you said I was being induced and bored, but that wasn't the case for DD.

amieeyoung · September 2014

Yeah, I guess being induced is different than going to the hospital in the harder stages of labor. I hadn't really thought of that. Silly me!! LOL

Weezy56 · September 2014

I'm sure there are plenty of women who prefer company. If I had had a long, boring labor I'm sure I would have also- but I was crying for an epidural about an hour after getting to the hospital so I didn't care to see anyone other than DH and my mom.

WashingtonQueen · September 2014

My husband, mom, and brother where there for both my births. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Beevol · September 2014

I think it depends on people's family members and their relationships. I would personally have no problem with my MIL in the delivery room but went to great lengths to ensure that my mom didn't know that I was even in labor with my first (I'm actually kind of worried because we will need to have child care for my DD when I go to the hospital with this baby and I don't know how I will keep it from my family).

I get along pretty well with my mom, but my entire maternal family is completely lacking in boundaries and when they're involved, things get dramatic which I prefer to avoid.

bohemianlc · September 2014

I don't think you're weird at all; there's no "right" way to approach it because everyone is different. Personally, I only want my husband present because I am more of a private person and want the intimate bonding time with just the two of us and our baby. With that said, I know plenty of people who have also had parents, siblings, or in-laws in the room and loved the experience, so I think it's great that you are going with what you are most comfortable with.

I think that you see a lot of people on these boards who don't want in-laws or parents in the room because they are seeking advice about how to approach it or just need to vent, not necessarily because they are the majority.

ashiscute · September 2014

I had DH, my mom, and MIL there for DD. And DH and my mom for DS. I don't really feel like having others in the room is a big deal. It was kind of nice having my mom to take pictures of the baby and then someone still near me while I was getting stitched up and crying and being an utter mess.

And while I would say I'm a private person that much pain makes things like privacy seem pretty minor. If I'm lucky enough to have another I'll let people in the room.

soulcupcake · September 2014

My mom, dad and little sister were in the delivery suite when I had my first. My ex-husband was deployed at the time. My aunt and grandma were in the waiting area.

Just my ex-husband and the staff were present for my second daughter's birth. We lived on the other side of the country, away from my family, during that time. With our third, we planned a homebirth, and it was just going to be my midwife, her assistant, then DH and our girls. And with our fourth, planning another homebirth, my mom, sister, kids, and then DH if he made it home from R&R. It ended up being my midwife, her assistant, and DH. He was born quite abruptly. My mom arrived just minutes after he was born.

This time, just DH and the kids, and maybe my mom if she's in town at the time. And, of course, my midwife and her assistant, assuming they make it in time.

amieeyoung · September 2014

bohemianlc said

I think that you see a lot of people on these boards who don't want in-laws or parents in the room because they are seeking advice about how to approach it or just need to vent, not necessarily because they are the majority.

Ahh that is probably right.. lol I was just thinking- hmmm surely I am not the only one ok with it all. Though like I said to each their own.... and I know we all have family members that drive us crazy.

Havana2014 · September 2014

Is it usual for more than one person to be allowed in with you in the US? Here you are only allowed one (and maybe a doula) but that's it.

Same for after the birth. Very strict guidelines on visitors. Dad (or one person) is allowed at anytime. And them two visitors allowed during a restricted period in the evening (May vary slightly by hospital, but that seems to be the general way things are done)

FWIW I would hate for anyone other than my partner to be there, especially in the second stage.

jcrising · September 2014

As PPs have said, it is totally personal, and you are not weird or old fashioned. I had my hubby and sister in the labor room and in surgery when I had my C-section, and I would have been happy to have others there. It was great having the support and sharing the moment.

bitsybubbles7 · September 2014

Yep, totally a personal choice. With my first, dh had just gotten of a 12 hour night shift; he literally picked me up, checked into the hospital and he passed out on the couch for a few hours. My mother and sister where there pretty much the whole time and I was fine with it. That being said, I'm not sure I would want any of my girlfriends and/or in laws with me for that. This time around, it will be just dh and me because my sister lives out of state and my mom will have ds1. It depends on your relationships and comfort level.

MMason12 · September 2014

It really is such a personal choice. My cousin just had her first LO in June and made it very clear that no one, besides her and her DH would be in the room during delivery. For me -- I could not imagine not having my Mom there with my DH and I. There is no way that DH nor I want my MIL in there though. There really is no right or wrong answer here. Some people like it to be just them and other people have their entire families in there with them. Either way it is okay, as long as it is what you (and your DH) are happy and comfortable with!

schnitz9 · September 2014

I don't think your weird at all. If I could I would prob have more in there with me than just my DH and my mom. My hospital has a strict only 2 people in the delivery room policy though. They also have a no cameras for privacy policy. Has anyone else heard of a no camera policy? How can I take pics of the baby after its born.

roo1oo · September 2014

Havana2014 said:

Is it usual for more than one person to be allowed in with you in the US? Here you are only allowed one (and maybe a doula) but that's it. Same for after the birth. Very strict guidelines on visitors. Dad (or one person) is allowed at anytime. And them two visitors allowed during a restricted period in the evening (May vary slightly by hospital, but that seems to be the general way things are done) FWIW I would hate for anyone other than my partner to be there, especially in the second stage.

This is dependent on the hospital/birth center. The hospital I delivered at allowed my husband and 1-2 additional people in the delivery room (can't remember if it was one or two). In the postpartum room I was allowed to have up to 4 people in addition to my husband. No specific visiting hours IIRC.

DH was the only person with me during delivery. During labor my MIL and my mom both stopped by, but labor lasted 36 hours (I was induced) so it was soooo nice to have them stop by for a change of pace. Pretty much right after delivery my mom stopped by (like right after I delivered the placenta she came in). I wouldn't have minded my MIL being there then either.

DH and I did discuss other family in the room during the delivery and he said he wanted it to be just us. He wanted the moment of going from a family of 2 to a family of 3 to be something we privately shared. Of course, there were about 5 doctors/nurses etc in there so it wasn't THAT private.

jennielee123 · September 2014

My SO, my DD, my mom and my sister will all be there. They all want to be there, and I don't mind having them.

ashiscute · September 2014

schnitz9 said:

I don't think your weird at all. If I could I would prob have more in there with me than just my DH and my mom. My hospital has a strict only 2 people in the delivery room policy though. They also have a no cameras for privacy policy. Has anyone else heard of a no camera policy? How can I take pics of the baby after its born.

Is it no camera or no video? Is it just during birth? The hospital I delivered both of my babies at does not allow video or pictures during labor. I think that's more of a legal thing. Once the baby is out though the cameras were allowed to roll. I'd double check with your hospital.

schnitz9 · September 2014

ashiscute said:

schnitz9 said:

I don't think your weird at all. If I could I would prob have more in there with me than just my DH and my mom. My hospital has a strict only 2 people in the delivery room policy though. They also have a no cameras for privacy policy. Has anyone else heard of a no camera policy? How can I take pics of the baby after its born.

Is it no camera or no video? Is it just during birth? The hospital I delivered both of my babies at does not allow video or pictures during labor. I think that's more of a legal thing. Once the baby is out though the cameras were allowed to roll. I'd double check with your hospital.

Thanks! I'm gonna double check with them when we go for our tour in nov. I did find that a bit odd.

lmlee15 · September 2014

That is a totally personal decision that you need to make! You might feel one way now but in the delivery room you might change your mind... and that's ok! You need to do what is right for you and your baby!

howin23 · September 2014

I think it really just comes down to whom you're comfortable with, and whether you'll feel okay asking them to leave if necessary once they're there. I'm very close to my family, but my husband and I are also very private, and I don't want the pressure of other people there.

In fact, I don't want anyone else in the hospital at all. I kind of just want to go there with my husband and then not tell anyone until after the baby is born and we've had some time together. I see no need for everyone to be in the waiting room. Then they'll just be waiting, killing time, and I'll feel pressured to invite them in ASAP, when I really want to have some time for just the three of us.

My MIL also goes crazy with the camera, which will totally stress me out, so ideally we won't see anyone until my husband and I have both showered and gotten to know the baby a little.

So I guess I'm on the other extreme

lmlee15 · September 2014

@howin23 I understand wanting time to yourself, but don't you feel that would be a little hurtful to your MIL and other family members if you didn't tell them when you were in labor and they found out after the baby was born? If you don't want her to over do it with the pictures make some ground rules. I understand not wanting every 17th cousin and in law of an in law who's twice removed or whatever being at the hospital but I think I would be hurt if my child or child in law didn't tell me until after the baby was born, whether I had asked them to be in the room or not. If they chose to wait in the waiting room that's on them, and you shouldn't worry about it because you have bigger priorities... a safe delivery for you and baby. Your DH or SO can work with the nursing staff to make some ground rules (believe me nurses are good at voicing things and can be the bad guy so that you/DH don't have to and can word things so there are no hard feelings). The hospital that I'm delivering at has something they call the golden hour.... basically after you deliver as long as there are no immediate complications with mom or baby when you deliver immediately after baby is placed with mom and dad and everyone leaves the room unless you call for assistance. (I'm not describing it well but basically it helps with bonding/ hormones to promote breastfeeding, etc). I've already talked to my mom about the golden hour that the hospital encourages and given her the link so that the day of she won't be upset.

howin23 · September 2014

lmlee15 said:

@howin23 I understand wanting time to yourself, but don't you feel that would be a little hurtful to your MIL and other family members if you didn't tell them when you were in labor and they found out after the baby was born? If you don't want her to over do it with the pictures make some ground rules. I understand not wanting every 17th cousin and in law of an in law who's twice removed or whatever being at the hospital but I think I would be hurt if my child or child in law didn't tell me until after the baby was born, whether I had asked them to be in the room or not. If they chose to wait in the waiting room that's on them, and you shouldn't worry about it because you have bigger priorities... a safe delivery for you and baby. Your DH or SO can work with the nursing staff to make some ground rules (believe me nurses are good at voicing things and can be the bad guy so that you/DH don't have to and can word things so there are no hard feelings). The hospital that I'm delivering at has something they call the golden hour.... basically after you deliver as long as there are no immediate complications with mom or baby when you deliver immediately after baby is placed with mom and dad and everyone leaves the room unless you call for assistance. (I'm not describing it well but basically it helps with bonding/ hormones to promote breastfeeding, etc). I've already talked to my mom about the golden hour that the hospital encourages and given her the link so that the day of she won't be upset.

I understand what you're saying and don't want to hurt anyone, so am trying to make it clear up front so there aren't any expectations to be called. I've tried in the past with pictures and it doesn't work (last time I got called a "poopyhead"), and initially was thinking I would get around it by offering our cameras, so then we were in charge of the pics, but decided against that.

The problem is that I just feel a lot of pressure and know that if everyone is waiting there then it just won't be as enjoyable for us and we'll be a lot more stressed, which isn't how I want the first few hours of having a baby to go. Some family will call / text my husband constantly, and we could turn his phone off but that would just end up with more stress after the fact. Hence why I think it's better to just let everyone know once the baby is born

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