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I just need to get this out...

halleyann821halleyann821 member
in Special Needs

My son was diagnosed with Autism and a severe speech impairment on April 1st (ya it HAD to be april fools day). We knew he was behind in speech that was clearly evident and the autism had been a suspicion for a few months prior, I was prepared for it, I'd already dealt with it in my own head and with DH. Since starting therapy he's progressed rapidly in most areas (speech still being a sore spot). I am amazed at the progress he's made in just a few months and were finally getting the hang of things. However, shortly after his diagnosis we found out we were pregnant again. My son was the first grandchild and my daughter will be the third. I'm feeling increasingly guilty everyday. My DD has gotten no attention ( yes I realize shes not here yet and that will most likely change). My son had everything he could possibly want or need before he was even born and this pregnancy is so drastically different I fear im not coping very well. NO ONE including my DH actually talks about the baby beyond what is necessary (i.e. make it to Dr., do you have a carseat? and that's about it) I had a very hard time bonding with my DS and was also battling severe PPD and I seem to be having the start of the same bonding issues now, but then my DS had so many people to care about and bond with and my DD is getting tossed on the back burner bc were dealing with therapy and paperwork and all the wonderful things that come with a diagnosis. DS gets disability allowing me to be a SAHM which is great but if I cant bond with DD who will? I guess im just having trouble dealing with the stress of trying to prioritize every little thing. And it doesn't help that my psychologist moved and I have to find a new one which means Ive been off my meds for a few months, but there is always so much to do for the kids I forget about myself a lot. I know ill figure it out, I always do, but that doesn't mean I don't wish it was a little easier.

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Re: I just need to get this out...

  • hopecountshopecounts member
    edited September 2014
    ((hugs)) have you spoken to your H about this? Prioritize the therapist, I know its one more thing to deal with but with your history it would be a good idea to already be seeing someone to making addressing PPD if it happens again easier. tell your H that this needs to be a priority because it is, and get on the appropriate meds and therapy. its OK to tell your H and another trusted person that you are worried and want to make sure your baby girl has her team in place in case you have PPD again or if you are more comfortable just reference everything ypu are doing with/for your son and worries about her not getting the one to one you think she needs/deserves. if you are already thinking about this I have complete confidence that your little girl will be just fine. it sounds like you have caring and involved family and when she gets here I bet they will all be thrilled to dote on her, pregnancy is just less interesting when it's not the first but once baby is actually here fir snuggles they usually get lots of love.
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  • funchickenfunchicken member
    Hugs. And welcome to the board.

    ITA with @hopecounts...you need a safety net. You're dealing with a lot right now.

    As far as thinking about baby #2, you're busier than you were the first time around. That doesn't mean you will love the second one less. I was so busy with DD1 and DD2 during my third pregnancy that there were days when I forgot I was even pregnant. Now that DD3 is here I couldn't be more in love.

    Take it easy on yourself. Talk to your DH about how you're feeling.
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  • mommy0411mommy0411 member
    Sending you big hugs! I am pregnant with my 3rd child and I was 6 months pregnant with DS2 when DS1 was diagnosed with autism at 21 months. I think part of what you are feeling is just the nature of having a second child. You prepare for a second child differently then the first because you are so much busier and there is so much less to do. I also definitely agree you need to prioritize your own health. I also have depression and my meds and seeing my therapist regularly are incredibly important not only for myself but my children. 

    I have also had a little trouble bonding with my newest baby because of a recent miscarriage. In order to help this I have been looking for something personalized for the baby. Right now I am looking for a really cute coming home outfit. It sounds silly but it helps me remember there is a real life growing inside of me. 

    Good luck to you and I hope you find a new therapist and start feeling better soon! And remember you are doing great! 


    DS1: 4/15/2011
    Dx: ASD, SPD and receptive and expressive speech delay at 21 months
    BFP #2: CP 5/2012
    DS2: 4/24/2013
    BFP #4: Miscarriage at 5 weeks 7/2014
    BFP #5: 8/8/2014 Due 4/20/2015 
    Its a healthy girl!!!!! 
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  • Kendrav4Kendrav4 member
    Hugs. My son was just evaluated for autism and has global developmental delay. We have gone through so much dealing with his eval and now getting all of the therapy started that I feel like I am also neglecting my baby. I am almost 34 weeks pregnant and feel awful for having another kid when my DS needs so much right now. I also feel like I havre bonded much with this baby due to all of my attention being on my sons needs these lasts few months. Hugs momma. If you ever wana chat let me know!
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  • KL777KL777 member
    {HUGS}  That does sound like a lot.  I agree with pp---prioritize your therapist.  You gotta have yourself straight first before you can tackle everything else.

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